finally done with the audit, ending it with rectification follow up.

moreover, i had to entertain the auditors rather than my officer who should appear.

nevertheless, deduction of 15 points from the final results.

i guess i've done my best for the medical centre compared to the previous batch which i heard they got deducted over 30 plus closing 40.

it's not easy coordinating all the various departments in details especially as a NSP, noob towards audit for a medical centre.

i just kept running through to push each department to make sure they've done their part.

still, loop holes and the very minor stuff are inevitable.

however, i feel satisfied. because it's not suppose to be my job handling audit, yet i'm doing so.

it's like a regular job. being an acting senior medic aka IC for this organisation and unit isn't that simple with limited manpower. yet, paper workload is the same as how other medical centre runs.

good experience though. at least i know what are the gritty gritty details they look out for when it comes to audit, and how the system links and telly with the paper work.

with some last minute impromptu, some sense, some logic, some help from my man, some talking (aka flirting power with the auditor, which i can't imagine myself doing it for the sake of MARKS), i manage to smoke and squeeze some more points for my medical centre.

and i can't imagine myself being flirted back. the thought of it, is just.. =S

hah, you think i like it? feels like selling my body/looks or something. =.=

whatever it is, it's over. hopefully, they can score a silver, where the previous years they only got bronze or pass.

it's just like how i pushed my secondary school back in NCC days for Gold Unit. but back then, i conducted more trainings and more hardwork than using my brains & mouth. but perhaps that was a different working environment.

as time goes by, i feel more appreciated, more respect, more bonding, more trust and confidence from my man.

they have not doubted whatever i told them to do so. i feel they know for some reason why i do certain things in a certain way when they're told.

coming over here, was the right decision i made back then when people wanted to keep me.

decisions i made be it on studies, or whatever i want to commit, have never been a regret i suppose?

"if you've never given time, if you have never given opportunity, a chance or a risk, you never know what more magical moments you could create. ups and down are inevitable, it should be learned to be acceptable. affection can never be kept consistent or keep developing more isn't it?"

"only when you lose, then you found (realize) what you've lost."

will time then be too late?

connect me with your heart, baby.

亲人

心里很沉重, 这样做, 是在伤害自己?

thanks, thanks for everything.

i'm glad, i'm remembered.

如今, 你爱上了她的全部.

将心比心, 不知不决的把他们都当成了亲人.

有一天, 你所想要发生的事, 变成了不可能.

心里最害怕的事, 发生了, 会又如何?

你我都很清楚, 害怕的是那永远所可能失去的.

害怕再次受到伤害.

如今这选择是爱的考验, 还是...天啊! X.x

"the affection is gone when you need it the most. by the time you found it back, will it be too late?"

what have you thought about?

or are we running faster and away more than before?

但是在休息后, 我们还不知道继续走的理由.

心里沉重, 有点灰, 害怕.

但是只限在今天.

爬起来, 再走, 一定行.

much feelings, many thoughts.

看了每一集, 都很有感觉.
是因为伤口还没复原, 还是因为这部戏感人肺腑?

已经第十七站, 陪着.. 让眼泪再次的从心里的最深处发泄而出..

Anyway, this is one of the OST:



Still, the 2 x 10 Minutes of the episodes which was posted earlier, definitely brought out the feelings.

Feeling of love?

Today, have I forgotten or no longer how to? I've communicated less with my family, many thoughts are probably shared with different friends. And everyone has different parts of my story, my feelings, my thoughts.

Hah, probably only this blog of mine, gives everything, or perhaps not. Because I don't blog every minute. I remember how I use to just.. SMS someone, the moment I felt any emotions in my daily life.

The feeling of sharing with someone who knows you clearly?

There's no longer just someone, who knows every part of you.

否说爱情不再是热情时, 诚实, 是最后一道防线.

今天有个诚实的心在守护着这份爱

难道选择对你不曾有任何隐瞒的我

是大家所认定的不值得吗？

不值得, 不是任何人所可说的

因为他们连这份感情, 所经历过的所有都不知道.

那何有资格去评论呢?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

翻了翻旧物

在第二年的冬天, 也是庆祝我们的日子

你写了, "一起走到最后".

曾有过的真心与甜蜜, 仿佛像是昨天.

回忆乃然清晰可见.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love is never perfect; it's all cracked up that makes it perfect.

It just means never fail to try, never stop trying.

True love needs to go through storms. Only then, this love is unique with it's very own characteristics filled with cracks.

Just like watch, the scratches you created gave an unique character of the wearer. Being perfect, would lose it's uniqueness no matter how expensive it can be.

Someone told me that as friends, we'll always have reserves. Others will never truly grasp what you are. True, I see it for myself.

Everyone lives on superficiality.

When you have nothing, will there be someone who still walk with you no matter how long the road may be?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

有人说爱是互相依赖..

而我说是..

互相填满在现实生活上所缺乏的真实感..

第十八站: "如果你愿意, 我希望我们能找回六年前的我们, 全心全意, 只为了对方而存在".

small small world.

so yesterday, lying on the resuscitation bed was my old friend's BF. seen him probably months back in this unit, but i couldn't be bothered to say hi. i mean, people probably doesn't know me.

and probably this was my first time being a medic, seeing a man screaming in pain, tears in his eyes. these are a special breed of people, i do not know for some reasons, they decided to join, and undergo the selection.

whatever selection it is, it's highly confidential.

so i'm saving my butt.

panting half naked after a basketball match, i went in like "oh!" it's him in my mind.

doc wasn't around.

my man were all panicking from his screams. =.=

& so i've got to be in total control of situation.

and i kept telling myself that in my mind.

in my mind i was snapping fingers and asking myself what's next to instruct them each split secs.

today, i'm confident again just like what i use to be, to be calm and cool with situation & perform under stress.

i was even standing half naked out there, explaining the various rational calmly to 2 crabs with just 3 strips.

maybe it's a blessing in disguise or it's fated that god wants me to learn these characteristics through this vocation.

because in the past, i get "gan chiong" easily, and more often than not, my brains get stuck and i probably screw up exam papers/pissed people off.

i'm able to give clear and precise instructions to my man, telling each individual what to do and get things done ASAP in a chaotic situation where everyone crowd around doing probably 1-2 things, trying to help one another.

so in such a situation, i introduced myself: eh, you're XXX's BF, ok, chill & relax, i'm her ex school mate. (while putting on BP cuff on his hands).

saved his life? nope. WE have stabilized him then.

people here are asking me to join them and as the special breed, and not just the normal breed in this unit. =.=

sadly, i'm color blind. =D

if it was the younger him, he probably would. Because he's was harsher and will do for the sake of adventures.

Now, i'm more rational with reality in place.

Seems like SIM-biz is the next IN thing.

Singapore is so gonna be filled with SIM-biz students, like a next Diploma equivalent cert.

Pay is not gonna raise very much nor high, because it has became a norm.

Applications are gonna be open for the various Uni.

Time to get busy and update my dusty resume.

And I'm so gonna ask those Doctors I know to write me GOOD testimonials.

NUS - B.Tech (Part-Time)
NUS - Biz
NTU - Biz
SMU - Biz? AGAIN?
PSB - Chem?!
UQ - Chem Eng
Melbourne - Biz???

This cage is so gonna open after 6 months.

A BIG leap then.

Biz is too norm.

And I guess I would leave here.

To forget?

Or will you come with me then?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I knew it will come.

I predicted it.

I told you.

Yet, I couldn't stop time.

After a hard time in my TENTATIVE career the past months,

I love my job now.

I save, I plan, I lead.

Ensure success for everything I fight for.

I'm not normal and doesn't belong to norm stream.

I don't listen to what others says.

I don't follow what they told me.

I've my thinking, I follow my heart & brain.

I know what's worth and what's not, and not determined by what they say.

An all rounder is a Special Breed in his ways.

我以为



当初你哭红了眼眶
还记得你的寂寞..
还记得你的害怕..

还记得当你病时
照顾了你整晚
半夜喂你吃药
帮你换上你头上的补
看着你睡着..

如果他们说不值得
是因为他们都没经历过我们的故事

笑我傻, 但至少我知道一切都值得

我们对彼此的付出
是与其他人都不同

感觉



眼泪带表着心里存在的爱

回忆在脑海里不断的倒带

10 minutes

简单的一句

生日快乐.


Last.

cloudy moody moldy cold. (try rhyming it!)

this post is meant before the clock strikes 12, because i didn't have the time to blog about what happen today. and i wish to keep it only on this day. =)

today, after so many long years, i verbally, finally fucked my very own man/colleague/friend, in front of all my other man.

and i recommended/made him sign 4x extras, which probably my other officers/sergeants friends have yet to do such a thing.

i guess my tolerance level over the years has really indeed increased a lot. good i would say, i mean, i've learned to deal with things professionally, properly, rather than using anger/authority.

i'm forced to do so. to maintain a certain image as a leader, in order for my people to work better with me.

people have been telling me, i'm so angelic, my tummy has been big enough eating bullets.

burst it baby. i burst, to maintain image as a leader before people think that i'm really a fucked up one/not worth to be a specialist of the organization.

i probably had converted the anger which i had on my other work, at the moment on him.

for once, after so long, i got back to years ago where i fucked cadets right on the face.

good job.

thinking back, it was thrilling.

actually, i don't or never get stress with work. if i am, it's only a moment of time where i'm pressed. otherwise i'm cool, unless i'm mugging for a paper tomorrow.

over the years, i've learned the different form of leadership styles. personally, prefer the softer approach, because i know these would actually would make a deep impact in other's life.

yet, my man reminded me, sometimes when you're too nice, people take you for granted.

they forgot the many things which you did for them. they forgot the word "appreciate". contented? satisfied?

actually, i would rather make more friends than i fucked someone and ended up losing contact after my work/ end up being not being very close friend.

sad, but yet i gained this sense of satisfaction from my work finally.

so, ended up i feel quite mixed up again.

nevertheless, it was a good experience, it probably got back that some part of me.

gotta strike a balance.

and thank you my friend for being there for me whenever i needed someone to listen to me.

i appreciate it. being a listener ain't easy eh.

thank you for your encouragements, your advises, and your visual ears.

谢了朋友!

让我们大家都一起加油!

想起过去种种的波则
原来大家都有对人与事
不同的对待与面对

不是逃避
而是在于各人的本性

但大家都没错
只是不懂得包容彼此的不同

还是不懂为什么
"不作朋友" 的 "作" 为什么不是 "做"!

time to think about it.

interesting.

当我们同在一起

会不会有人抱着你对你说
你一定行, 你一定做的到

她不知道
未来和你的路
会有多远
当她对你说
她的眼神
只带着爱

有人说爱是冒险
我们都不知道
未来会带给我们什么
但一路上有你
路不管有多远
都不程觉的寂寞

对未来的展望也更有信心

如果爱一个人就别想太多

只有珍惜现在才能够展望未来

they say life's an irony

when we're in our comfort zone

we wanna risk ourselves to see what change would bring us

we often say we want to look for what we want in life

yet what we're looking for, may not even exist

yet, sometimes we want to feel comfortable.

somewhere where you can snuggle in.

LIFE.

busy morning.

busy morning planning forecast
shooting emails
receving shots
handled SOB (shortness of breath) case
handled exhuastion (chao keng) case

today i learned to be the a.k.a cool, calm and steady.

supposedly i thought physical exhaustion should be a serious case

so i'm surprise that my reaction was super calm.

i do not know why, but probably i just had my annual medic proficiency test?

or i didn't miss the intravenous yesterday when 2 of my man missed and didn't manage to topo the veins despite the no. of tries? which in turn built up the confidence in me?

when everyone gets panicky,

"take details"
"take parameters"
"doctor standby"
"register"
"standby ambulance"


rubbish. ended up the vitals were quite norm. suspected chao keng. sorry, i feed you biggest needle then.

"fuck, fuck you all"

wow. physical exhausted patient can shout; level of consciousness is high. my man was topo-ing, and i just told them to continue. he might have felt disgusted by the needle under his skin, my man might have feared his shouts and disrupted their focus in looking out for his veins, i maybe a saddist looking. so?

"SGT, cannot. must take out needle."
"nope, try."

actually not very saddist, i just didn't want to poke another big needle into him.

so end up, i've to do it.

"done, please dislodge."

yet, dislodging failed and my vein was missed.

so they poke another.

today, i felt i'm immune.

immune to feelings of others.

and i don't feel as panicky as others, much less a planning of forecast.

if shooting emails and receiving shots seems to be a norm.

fighting politcal wars seems to be a norm as well.

somehow, i'm getting the hang of it, and handling it well.

i feel i've gained respect from my colleagues over time.

perhaps i know what i'm doing and where i'm moving.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

sometimes i feel being an all rounder ain't easy.

sometimes i feel average, sometimes i feel i'm only better in some areas. sometimes i feel i know more in many areas compared to others.

yet, somehow there's nothing i seem to be excellent in.

not just better.

so am i consider average as a average joe?

i play sports, i do shopping & appreciates fashion, i love all sorts of food, i know how to enjoy life yet not forgetting to work hard, i love watching and appreciating dramas/arts/movie/shows/exhibits, i've interest in medical knowledge/health sciences ever since i became a medic specialist, i learn how to train my body despite not being a PTI, i sing kara, i've interest in finance & investments, business, i love to observe and study relationships/characters and behaviors of others, and think alot, i play games but not a good gamer, i love sciences and researching work as it makes me feel more as a rational being, it makes me analytical, i can cook, i know how to go marketing for groceries, i know how to do all sorts of housework.

as a guy, i probably don't play soccer and don't watch soccer, unless world cup.

and of course 1 more which i'm learning.

i've probably covered most aspect.

i've yet to know of any guy friend who do whatever i probably do.

otherwise he would have been my best best buddy then.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

不明了, 不了解

不知为什么突然很有感觉
不了解这是否是欺骗还是逃避

时间过了太久
你都选择了遗忘

别告诉我你曾经所拥有的
我和你之间是我们的故事

难道一份过了真实风雨的感情
就能够让时间带走一切

想了想走过的路
真的很多

今天我的心
灰了
你不明了

选择了遗忘
过去对你的好
让我觉的不如一切

回忆不时浮现在我眼前
你对我的好
我都记得

有人说没做完的梦最痛

你呢？

对不起

但是我不会就这样被他打倒

my sense of direction is always clearer.

i may detour, but i'll never miss my destination.

i always know my path, my roads.

i know my directions, my principles.

my values, my faith, my beliefs.

mixed.

i don't know how i should express myself in this post.

surprise? disappointed?

i stand clear on my ground firmly.

"eh, you look good"

"what kinda dressing you have?"

"wtf"

"and you're here?"

"shouldn't you be at orchard or sth"

"come, i pay for you"

wtf. it doesn't matter my dressing, it doesn't matter if i'm good looking, it doesn't matter if i'm attached or not!

so while waiting, i chatted with this random guy who brought me a drink.

and i guess he's probably some big shot, which he doesn't want to tell me.

today, i see my friend, who once used to believe in everything, fall.

he's capable. but he loose faith. and so values, principles and beliefs fall.

i shan't say much, but different individual deals with things differently.

just like when in a r/s, i know subconsciously how the world is but somehow i didn't felt very close to what it is.

perhaps like what people say, when you're in love, no matter how ugly/down life is, it doesn't feel as bad? you know there's someone who's there for you, being your support, seeing what you see as one.

man are bastards. and don't judge the looks by its cover.

please test and test man over a period of 5-10 years at different phases of life. man has different faces when it comes to different environment, situations, and different phases of life.

so when women fall in love with bastards, we call these women naive. they love like they never do, and they'll never see/know what their man do behind their back. yet, they call this love? or is it just a cover for reality status? other man then laughed behind the back of these naive women.

sometimes i wonder if people consciously could feel guilt. or has hurt/pain overwhelm the power of even feeling it.

today i stick to my principles, values, beliefs and faith.

sadly, in Singapore's population, the ratio of woman to man is like 6:1. minus bastards, minus those you can't clique even if they're not bastards, minus those probably you can be in a r/s with, but unsuccessful. i guess woman nowadays can't really chose? =X

everyone has flaws, overtime it may magnified. overtime you forgot how to appreciate those points which you may initially appreciate. but how about when we chose to remember and continue to appreciate? only then, r/s can continue to flourish?

if a r/s has gone for a long time w/o you even realizing it, there is a reason which you need to find. and also understanding the fact that for a long term r/s, there's always ups & downs.

as i understood, attraction may be an initial phase of a r/s. and usually they are the honeymoon period. thereafter, it's always the bond of friendship and the many moments which 2 person can create in each other's life.

contentment changes overtime when what you initially wanted is satisfied. man, always failed to learn to be contented.

i'm not contented with my life. but i know when i'll be when i reached my dreams. because, sometimes, it's never ending going after and after many years. does it make your life fulfilling? perhaps everyone has different definition for fulfillment.

don't stop believing, and risk everything.

because you know how true you have felt before.

The Reason.

I found this article as I was browsing through the net.

Society is confusing us.

It is pretending that attraction is true love.

In addition to this nonsensical myth, we are being taught the lie that marriage should always be filled with the excitement, energy, and elation of the first stage of attraction.

Again, this is a lie. It is not only not true it is a damaging hurtful lie.

Lets look at the truth for a minute.

Attraction is the first stage of a romantic relationship evolution invented to bring people together to reproduce. This stage is quite amazing as we all know. People in this stage are nothing less than obsessed with the object of their desire. There are so many chemicals swirling around in our brains and bodies that it is no wonder many feel like they are on a high. They have more energy, more passion, more creativity. They can think of nothing more than their heart throb.

Yes, most people like this attraction phase. However it was never meant to last more than a year or two. Why? Because it is not in the best interest of individuals or life in general.

What does happen however is something even more amazing. If a relationship is strong enough, couples may move from that initial attraction into bonding and true love.

While not as intense as the attraction phase it is filled with new emotions. More subtle but also more powerful.

This phase is filled with contentment, peace, and joy. It is deeply satisfying and pleasurable, not in quite such an intense and thrilling way but certainly in a powerful and beautiful way.

Now, let us go back to the initial confusing lie we are told... that attraction is love.

Attraction is what brings people together but it really has nothing to do with love. Of course we are often deeply attracted to those we love but it is not the attraction that is love.

Love is the deep care, concern, joy, investment, commitment, appreciation,and sharing of one's life. As we share ourselves with our beloved, as we open our hearts and souls to a receptive holder of dreams, we grow in love.

As a couple unites their desires, combines their efforts, dedicates their lives to each other and their families or common goals, love grows.

Many couples who have been married for most of their lives will tell us that the love has continually deepened as they have matured. They will tell us that the love and attraction they feel in their sixties and seventies is more than anything they dreamed possible in their twenties and thirties.

In other words, love is not that feeling of just wanting to be with someone, love is the strength, union, and emotion that results from uniting, sharing, communing, and embracing our partner.

It is something that grows, develops, and deepens given the investment and care.

Think of it this way, the attraction phase is like planting a seed, and love is that which grows from the seed.

When I hear men and women say that they love their partner but are no longer attracted to them, I often hear, "I don't feel that initial attraction I once felt for my partner, and I want to."

What may be happening is that as the attraction phase ended the relationship did not deepen and grow as it could have. It stopped developing, blossoming, and evolving and therefore is no longer providing the contentment, joy, pleasure that can be profound as a relationship continues.

The answer is not to end the relationship and find another partner who will provide us with that attraction high, because as we all know, that will end as it always does.

The answer is, to invest in the relationship, nurture the friendship, commit to one's life partner, and do everything one can to bring forth the beauty and joy that is only found in truly intimate relationship.

As we release that need for the initial attraction phase and realize that we can have a profoundly deep, meaningful, and loving relationship as we share our lives with our partner perhaps we can embrace the goodness in our spouse, focus on the sharing of lives, and become attracted to the one we love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

sometimes in reality, i wonder how many of us understand this.

maybe that is a reason why people chose not to hold on, and move on.

at the end of the day, many people around us found themselves getting nowhere.

perhaps this was a reason i found for myself, to hold on, to risk everything.

i chose to remember how true it was since the start.

at least, i know i don't wish to go through other rounds of lies and hidden truth about a partner which i know, i'll definitely have reserve zone no matter how long time may get.

nothing is perfect, so does a r/s. there'll always be ups and downs.

if i clearly recall, the past 6 years wasn't an easy route of brushing differences, and the many magical moments.

and so they say,

Hold On.

These most difficult of life's challenges are the times when we just hold on. It is not easy, it may hurt more than you can imagine, still, you hold on. You will get through it.

Trust & have faith that it'll be stronger.

human chemistry is define as when somehow, it occurs naturally.

from, http://www.relationship-love.com/advice/body-language/male-and-female-body-language.html

the above sites would provide images on the following sleep patterns.

1.THE LEG LOOP
You're both on your stomachs, sides, or backs and one of you has a leg draped over the other's leg. True, you're touching in only one spot, “but this is one of the healthiest positions, because it shows a couple with a comfortable connection,” says Hargrave. “Not too little, not too much.” The loose leg drape suggests a real friendship. Couples that bond below the hip are also likely to have a practical streak. “You're maintaining contact in the most comfortable way,” explains Pease. “Your legs can touch all night without cramping other parts of your body.” What if your legs are just barely grazing each other rather than looped, in a pretzel-like manner? You're both feeling equally confident about your relationship, Pease says. Just as a couple that really clicks can communiate with one gesture or word, the two of you can say “I love you” with just a brush of your skin.

2.THE OLD-FASHIONED SPOON
You're both on your sides, touching and facing the same direction. This is the most popular position for couples. Some of it has to do with comfort, since most of us sleep better when not face-to-face, breathing on each other, says Hargrave. But this classic pose satisfies more than just a need for a good rest. With its hand-in-glove fit, spooning rates high on the intimacy scale. When you nestle in matching fetal positions, it shows you're being vulnerable with each other and in sync. What's key is who is spooning whom. Though this position is influenced by men usually being larger than women, “whoever is behind protects the other in the relationship,” says Hargrave. “The partner in front may be less secure.” There is an exception: Whoever's holding on tighter is less confident. So if he's behind but clutching you all night, you're his mast in a storm.

3.THE ROAM ZONE
You fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Is a crisis brewing? Nah, you're only normal. Most couples say goodnight with a smile, then settle into a more comfy position. (Adults generally move 40 to 70 times per night, as a reflex from their dreams and to avoid cramping.) But if you head straight to your seperate sides without even a passing embrace night after night, you could be having intimacy issues, says Suzanne Lopez, a psychotherapist and author of Get Smart With Your Heart. (Having a big bed is no excuse, say the experts. Connected couples will find a sliver of space to share on a king-size bed, while fighting couples will defy physics by avoiding contact on a single one.) That said, a physical condition – from a slipped disk to an advanced pregnancy – can force madly-in-love twosomes to slumber this way for comfort. Careful, though, or a temp arrangement can become a hard to shake habit.

4.THE BOOTY BOND
You're on your sides, facing away from each other but touching butt-to-butt. What's up with that? Independence alert! Despite the linked derrieres, you're no joined-at-the-hip pair. “You probably have seperate bank accounts,” explains Hargrave. “And you don't need to consult the other before purchasing a big-ticket item like a car or a computer.” Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, this snoozing style illustrates a definite bond, but it's looser, since you both like it that way. “Even if you are just touching bums, you've still got that intimate body contact that we see in married couples that get along really well,” adds Pease.

5.THE REGAL POSE
He sprawls kinglike while you cosy up to him. Or you're the duvet diva, facing the ceiling while he sidles up. “Stretching out on your back, especially with one or both hands behind your head, is a typically dominant position,” says Pease. That doesn't mean your man is lording it over you. He may just be feeling cocky about how he's doing in his fantasy-football league. If you're the nuzzling spouse, you're after attention – and may not be getting it outside the bedroom, so plan a date night. One caveat: If this is only an occasional pose, you two could be role-playing, a sign you're a flirty pair. Sometimes a dominant woman will curl up, while her spouse is on his back, to help him feel more macho.

6.THE CUTIE HUG
You fall asleep in a frontal embrace. That could mean only one thing: You're reading this on your honeymoon, you lucky girl! “We call this the newlywed hug, because it's common early in a relationship, when you're desperate for each other,” says Hargrave. Yet this night-time position isn't common in couples after nine months of sleeping together, because facing and hugging restricts blood flow to your arms, says Pease. He adds with a laugh, “It usually stops around the time you show your true selves when he clips his toenails in bed.” If you have been together for years and stay asleep in a bear hug, you're among the most romantic couples. Who are we to rouse you from that happy place?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so a little research was done after after watching "lovers for 6 years" over youtube.

total of 12 parts.

human chemistry is interesting, isn't it?

it even brings about while you're asleep unknowingly.

because i love you.

In “Lovers of Six Years,” Da-jin Lee (Ha-Neul Kim) and Jae-yeong Kim (Gye-sang Yun) find themselves in the too comfortable position of being lovers for six years. Although Da-jin and Jae-yeong live in separate apartments, their apartments sit by side by side. They spend their nights together, while only their work lives provides any degree of separation.

Da-jin works as an editor at publishing company and her boyfriend Jae-yeong works as a producer for a home shopping channel. Da-jin must recruit talented illustrator Jin-seong (Seong-rok Shin) for her next book project and in the process arouses his interest in her as a woman. Meanwhile, Jae-yeong meets a spunky part timer in the elevator at his work place. She already knows his name and seems intent on knowing even more about him. Can their relationship survive these tempting outside forces?

What “Lovers of Six Years” does well is to depict problems that occur in personal relationships involving co-habitation without the commitment of marriage. Primarily, the positives of each other’s character becomes taken for granted, while the flaws of each other’s character becomes magnified.

The film also features two engaging performers able to bring their characters to life. Ha-neul Kim seems to be a natural in the film’s more comedic moments and able to bring a sense of dignity during the film’s more dramatic moments. Co-star Gye-sang Yun (former member of K-pop group G.O.D.), had the more flawed character of the two (e.g. troublemaker), but he was able to make the audience remember the character’s stronger points more so.

The following are the trailer and the soundtrack.

新的一年, 新的力量, 同样的目标与希望

Finished and cleared up pretty much of the paper work and replying of email on the 1st day of new year. Anyway it's a lazy day for everyone after countdown. Lazing in medical centre in an empty camp is pretty much the same.

Planned forecast for January 2010 didn't have much changes to my surprise, or rather I do not see any major movement. Good job done before I left for my leave back then.

Let's probably anticipate some upcoming events in my life for 2010:

- Overseas attachment/posting?
- Possibility of promotion to 2nd SGT due to the appointment I'm holding?
- Back to some tuitioning for some molding of the future of our nation and fulfillment?
- ORD Offs
- ORD
- Investment turn over?
- Overseas backpacking?
- Business running?
- University admission (local/overseas)?

So as I was on the i-net, I saw my man loading 周杰倫 - 簡單愛



- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺
我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活

我把自己带回从前
从朋友到情人也有7年
我因该很相信在这7年所与你共处的一切
那些所建立在一起的共同嗜好与信任

已经过了第一个100 天
心里还是很有感觉
但怎么好像当初那样
连话都说不出口

有人说从小相爱的感觉是最真实
也是最单纯

也许就这样有人还是
白头到老

否能够再爱一次
我会爱的自由

不管这条路多漫长
有多远
我都会在路口等
陪你走, 不让你寂寞

时间过了这么久
我才学会

或许安静是
我给你最好的温柔

不是我不能没有你
而是我真的爱你

我只想要好好的爱一个人

爱一个能与我走过岁月的人

现在的你呢？

真的快乐吗？

笑我傻
但我相信一份真正的爱情就够了

祝大家新年快了
在新的一年里能够找回在2009年所失去的
有一个完美人生！

加油！

心墙

Beyonce: Ava Maria

She was lost in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a losing hand
But there by the grace of God go I

I found heaven on earth
You were my last, my first
And then here this voice inside
Ave maria

I’ve been alone
When i’m surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud
But i still go on knowing that i’ve got you
There’s us when the lights go down

You are my heaven on earth
You are my hunger, my thirst
I always hear this voice inside
Singing ave maria

Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It’s out of your hands, baby you got to understand

You are my heaven on earth
You are my last, my first
And then i hear this voice inside
Ave maria
Ave maria
Ave maria

let's keep up some excitements.

hope it'll all turn out good! x)

thanks L for your comment in my previous post.

appreciate it.

no worries. i'm moving well. =]

sometimes.

sometimes it feels that whatever that was built was torn apart

life doesn't seem to be as beautiful as it was

building starts from scratch.

sometimes we only remember what's not done

we didn't cherish nor chose remember what has been done for us

it's our choice

a choice to be crude or don't, yet we find no reason in doing so

humanity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps after all, you couldn't treat me as a friend

because a friend isn't treated that way

and i know you're trying hard

because you left yourself with unresolved feelings

unspoken.

as for me, i'm done.



the one i love has gone with time

today is the day i've stopped loving you

because you're no longer the one i love



i hope you find yourself

someday i would love to love the one i use to know once again



i appreciate friends whom had been by my side all these while, hearing me.

thanks alot.

i understand that it can it quite irritating because i took a really long time, because i was left hanging.

太爱了
所以我..

我放手 我让座
谁懂我多么不舍得..


-the end-


就让一切重新开始..

denial & change.

people change. because of pain/stress/hurt/environment they change.

reality force changes

change us

they forgot themselves

they start to live in denial

they start to deny their needs

then we start lying to ourselves

and everyone around us

they stopped communicating with their heart

losing humanity to ourselves

they forgot how they use to be

they forgot what they wanted

they do not understand r/s

nor do they bother to find out and understand

everyone start losing track

they start living virtually in reality

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

people do not appreciate your honesty

even the ones you love

values, beliefs which i had faith in

are against what i observed

somethings can never be replace no matter how hard you try to



hope they stop smoking

god bless you with good health





read some of the posts in 2007.

everything seems so beautiful back then.

雨天

现在窗外面又开始下着雨
太多的情绪没适当的表情..

mess.

complex. mixed.

all inside.

so much to do, yet i do not know why i've got this feeling of...

life's full of choices.

yet, there's no right or wrong.

follow your heart or use your brains?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

realized the growth of 3 white hair today. managed to pluck one.

and i think there's more. =.=

when will this growth stop?

am i thinking too much?

Xiao Jing Teng's version of Xing Bu Liao Qing really sing out the mood of the lyrics compared to the old version. At least that's how I feel.

night.

cold monday.

the day makes me feel so lethargic. so i spent abt 1.5 hrs in total today in 2 banks. it was a long queue... waste of my time.

carrying stacks of cash in bag was my 1st time, huge amount that i didn't imagine. it shall not happen again. better try to link up all my i-banking stuff. so, don't hope to rob me. =.=

settled the transactions and some paper work.

seems like things are kicking up with a good start.

hope to settle all the necessary, before i leave.

good night.

great Saturday night!

alright, i guess my post yesterday was a dumb one. perhaps just for that moment, i was feeling it this way. or perhaps, Friday night wasn't so enjoyable.

Had a good time at Wala Wala yesterday after attending SH's birthday at NSRCC. Cabbing is the way to go man. LOL. save time, less troubles. after some networking session with a taxi uncle who drove Mercedes, we exchanged numbers. he's probably gonna be my personal chauffeur for times when i need a cab, at no extra charges. how great is that?

feels good to meet up people whom i've not seen for a long time, most of them are my course mates. had a little catch up with my classmates as well.

there after i was really lucky to catch a cab inside NSRCC without the need to walk out or call a cab.

Rush to Tanah Merah MRT to pick J up, but had to change cab as uncle can't head to the west.

Holland V is just UP at night.

the place was so packed! that you probably can't imagine for a pub to be? but the cosiness of people brought out the whole atmosphere. and ambiance was great!

it feels like old school. like those western movie, where the college boys and girls would be hanging out in their mess, and having a mini concert.

the songs played were not very well known, as the genre was towards UK/US pop. probably to hype up a Saturday night.

surely, you'll be very much impress with the band, the singer cum guitarist, drummer, violinist, organist. i would say it's much better than Hard Rock, though the songs and food at Hard Rock would probably be much more enjoyable.

you could catch the band at balaclava as well. but i guess wala wala is a much cheaper place to chill compared to balaclava.

shall try next time on Friday, with a different band.

so at the last segment, many decided to make dedications.

and so did i.

starlight, always be my baby and viva la vida were very well played compared to my experience at Acid Bar. probably because of the presence of drums & organs.

this time, i would say they have nice fried chicken wings!

so with some sapporro, corona, fries, chicken wings & the band, it's just GOOD.

my phone contacts now are filled restaurants/pubs/bars/cafe and not forgetting my personal chauffeur!

coming weeks are kinda queued with programs. hmm..

i guess i should seriously stop liquors! esp. scotch whiskey. =.=

and perhaps more pubbing sessions. =]

*yawnz*

a day to "nua" at home after all the late nights the past few days.

蕭敬騰：新不了情

for the day

he is expressing his anger & his feelings. the following isn't meant to hurt/offend anybody.

when you know, whatever that were said were lies & excuses.

when you know that no matter how hard you tried, people doesn't reciprocate.

when people do not respect you much less a being.

because an animal doesn't even wait for more than 24 hours for his food, much less a friend.

be it excuses, they are as good as lies.

you've got your pride, it doesn't need to be stepped on.

you don't deserve it because everyone tells you that "you did your best and you've done your part".

because ALEX LEE is never dumb, he is equipped with relevant knowledge, and a little smartness you never know for those who knows me for "god-mind-you" years.

my research & IT/web skills are never very lousy. my cross referencing of sources i have are never as shit as well.

and so, i'm not saying i'm a professional here.

Never lie or give any form of excuses with your eyes WIDE OPEN.



and so i seek forgiveness, and you kind understanding of how i am probably feeling.

thanks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps only when near death, people then realize their hidden love and affection.

what's humanity? when are you going to start living?

it's time.

if that's happiness to you, carry on.

i'm not your game.

fulfillment.

had a good time out with the NSmen the past few days. seriously expanding my network and checking out the market trend.

i would say it's a satisfying week.

did a number of dressings out in the field. from as small as blisters, massive bites, deep cut on the tibia area (bleeding profusely =.=), and abrasions on back. you can never imagine how disgusted an abrasion back would look like. i'm seriously satisfied with the dressings i did, and i could feel the appreciation i received from the older adults.

probably that's the reason why i am good at wrapping up presents?

heard many stories shared by the NSmen as well. perhaps it's due to the generation gap? or perhaps i've yet to reach the age of 27.

some had partners 3-4 years, and they ain't have any intentions for marriage. one feel bored and on the verge of making this decision to break. some had partners, married, yet they play like nobody's business behind back doors. and it's quite surprising, because they really look superb decent. my initial conversations with them never seem to test out any form of indecency. =.=

because we reached contentment and we're looking for more? forgotten love?

perhaps real love doesn't exist Alex, or in this reality? where you really do hope that the one you held your hands with, would be the one who you would walk till the end with you.

and perhaps, honesty doesn't matter to people. do they? or should i say people no longer has conscience?

they lie. they lie because their mind say so and worse of all, they lie to themselves.

people are living in denial for decisions they made in life. many a times, these decisions ain't what their heart are telling them. they were all made because their mind say so; forced by the change in reality of our changing life.

we're not connecting to our heart, are we?

EL told me this today:

beauty lies in the imperfections.

so i continued and said so we need to embrace the imperfections.

i embraced totally.

but how many people could embrace the other's party imperfection easily, in order to live together?

it's difficult, it's tough.

alright, Davidoff's Hot Water for tonight!

復刻回憶



你还好吗好久不见 又来这里这个老店
后来的你喜欢了谁 我们聊聊天
现在的你一样美丽 至於爱情是个回忆
她不爱我他离开你 爱会来就会去

在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你 要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你

窗外的树爱哭的风 烦恼的我聪明的你
爱是什么什么人懂 所以别难过
心还痛吗请忘了吧 所谓幸福是个童话
后来的我一切随意 所以没关系

在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你 要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你

午后的闷热的窗外的一场大雨 让我们看见了以前的自己
把时光倒转回那一季 那年的梦他乡的你

chill max-ed: wonderful saturday!

watched my sister's keeper with G.

& she teared.

not as touching as i expected, or maybe i'm not connecting enough?

or maybe i've gotten rid of emotions?

i was on the verge which gives me the sian feeling.

acid bar was good. a total of 3 different band played through the night.

my dedication that was made, was played as well. like FINALLY. =]

previously when i go to bars, my dedications were never successfully made.

perhaps this time i didn't chose an old school song.

this was the first time i could sit in a bar for so long.

they've got nice wedges!

G & I just sat there, appreciating musics/wedges/beers, talk cock.

& we ended up a little drunk.

nice place to really chill.



i should seriously STOP drinking & spurging tentatively at least for the next 2 weeks. =.=

Alex needs to be a little more discipline.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i'm in an endangering case.

i've a total of 6 white hair. plucked 3.

i've been pucking white hair weekly. everyday i'll spot at least 2.

it's growing more than i expected compared to when i was studying my 'O' levels and during my poly days.

i think soon enough, my hair will all turn white.

haiss.

Nice Quotes.

Someone asked me, "Why do you keep loving someone who doesn't love you back? There are tons of fish in the water." I simply replied, "Just because it's also water, would you drink from the sea?"

"No matter how crazy and funny the scenes around you are, they are useless without the person you want to laugh with.."



Alright, i'm out!

haha.

everyone tells me, "i believe you'll find a better one".

yes. surely, i will or maybe the future would be her again?

but no doubt she was or has always been great too.

just because you truly love, it doesn't mean you have to forget or hate.

remember the little and many things she has done for you, and the many things you have done all together as well.

you chose only the good things.

simple. =]

complete.

cold soup. =.=

browsed through HK cafe, then moved on to coffee club.

ended up at manhattan.

took my time to enjoy the food. =]

i guess this weekend is packed with dates & programmes.

looks good.

at the same time i couldn't seem to stop myself from spurging on the various things and i just kept cabbing like free. arghhz.

money will be rollin' in, no failures. =]

aahhh. good week.

next week gotta be busy, but should be fun.

nice bag. love it.

waiting for my new collection of perfumes from mum!

having GA's attitude, ferragamo & ck's euphoria.

my daviddoff's hot water, givenchy pi neo and ck's gold summer are incoming.

simply obsessed with perfumes now.

next would be my ray ban sunglasses for my trips? AX's jocky cap?

upcoming holidays are all well planned.

some anticipation ahead..! =]

82: 心跳

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳

你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳

好想要回到我们的原点..

blue blue, gloomy gloomy. not so good day, but evening onwards it gets better.

probably it's the weather.

& i guess for most people.

at least for the next 1 week if i am home, i'll be enjoying some form of peace.

sweet.

sian.

i don't wanna work lah. =.=

perhaps most of the time, what we portray is what we think we feel. but we don't really feel that way, do we?

but i know, as for my blog. it's about how i feel and not what i think i feel. perhaps verbally, people would be taking in "what i think" rationally, and may not be what i feel.

your thoughts & emotions just goes the opposite.

afterall, your reactions will display your subconscious thoughts unknowingly.

night night night everybody.

79: 记得

tired. i had been drained out totally these few days, both physically & mentally.

i did my best to clinch my gold, despite the fact that i hadn't train for past 6 months, i was still able to run below 10. it was mind over body. though i was only seconds away from my goal, with some conditioning, i should be able to get it the next round. however, results are considered good.

work related issues are more or less resolved professionally. i'm glad. a planner will always seem unfair, people start getting skeptical with assumptions. but after tabulations, i guess i had done my job with much conscience.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so just then, as i was searching for my stuff, i saw these 2 pieces of paper which i kept long ago. it was titled "T D-C".

time has been long, expectations grew further when the basics were satisfied, then everything became disappointments.

how do we relate dependency with loneliness? we're all independent people, yet we still paired up and depend on the support given by each another. we both had gave ourselves in different ways. as it was true, we've brought out the best in each other.

my ego has gone with time, with you; from the day i kneel down and told you how much you meant to me.

perhaps loving you wasn't sufficient.

don't ask yourself why we had chosen each other. because there isn't any reason when love happens. it has been a long vacation for us this time, a test of time for the love we shared.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I know the journey we've walked wasn't easy. The tears we shared, the times we have. It's irreplaceable.

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中 看见了不同的天空
走的太远 终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔



我依然记得
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后..

great.

i can't sleep. and i didn't slept despite the tiredness inside me.

i hate this feeling.

77.

road seems to be rocky these days. series of problems one after another, and i don't know how i should put it.

i'm tired & sick of everything.

& i feel like breaking down right now.

no one. there's no one.

i hate my emotions. i hate it.

damn it.

troubled day.

73.

finally send my laptop for servicing. hope it comes back well. met J for lunch and we went to this Jap Restaurant which opens only in the noon. How great? & it feels good to chill in central in the hot afternoon, with drinks & desserts. with my partner, our goal is to open a place, just for us to chill & it doesn't matter if it makes money.

likewise, we work on expectations before hitting goals.

this idea struck me. so another project gonna come next, and it requires detailed planning. I tried the other time but failed. however, this time a new platform strikes me and let's hope that leveraging on this platform works.

as i recall, i was so busy with asian youth games/national day/army half marathon. i didn't have the time to settle things down & have a break, though many plans may have been briefed. i didn't have the chance to talk, to kick of plans and get into actions with you. we didn't communicate. perhaps, that's where you felt everything was going nowhere. but yet you didn't gave me the chance to.

have i been that bad?

i didn't regret taking this path with you, and all that i wanted was to walk through this journey of life with you.

perhaps, you no longer love.

perhaps the previous vacations wasn't long enough to make me realize. yet surely, i did my best back then.

now i know what could have been better.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

也许你已经放弃我 也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过 请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我

就算是我不懂 能不能原谅我
请不要把分手 当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口

请你回头
我会陪你一直走到最后

就算没有结果 我也能够承受
我知道你的痛 是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容 沉默是因为包容
如果要走 请你记得我

如果难过 请你忘了以前的我..

"any pain that you feel can never be compared to the regret that comes from walking away from love" - Matthew McConaughey (Conner Mead), from the Ghost of Girlfriend's Past.

I'm not afraid if I've to go through hell, so be it. I've never gotten tired and I'll never do, long before my soul tells me this.

I've never stop fighting.

72.

went blading today at Changi. blading seems to be less taxing to me now although the start was kinda wobbly. it was really relaxing thereafter compared to the last time.

SH taught the 2 newbies the kick start for blading, and so do I gave a little tips. had a fall as well, which supposedly i should have set a record of 0 falls. was holding on to R's hand, guiding her for some distances. when i do not know what happened that she got really unstable? perhaps ZX & GF should have a better look at that behind. they had a good laugh on how "romantic" the fall was. x.x

so while i was "oh! she's going to fall!" then while i was trying to grab hold of the other hand of hers, her hands just went over my shirt? so in a mess, we fall and i became the cushion. inevitably her head got knocked into mine as well.

minor injuries sustained. then, i felt this sense of care which probably in my memories, i was laughed. this sense of hurt probably surges at this moment as i recall.

i remember as you may have fall, i gave that care & concern about your well being. yet, i was treated otherwise. yet, i miss holding your hands, blading with this sense of fulfilling fun & laughter from the heart.

..也许你品没有想像中的那么爱我..

all the memories seems so vivid.

"The right person for us is recognized by our souls, not by our mind." - Mars & Venus Starting Over, Soulmates are not perfect.

you were recognized.

there after i went guiding ZD, he was having a difficult time and even ended being pissed with his brother. =.=.. so i went over to guide him, tried to hold him as well but he was really unstable. but at the end, he progressed well with my guidance. and i felt this sense of satisfaction from teaching again. =)

perhaps i've been through how it feels as a beginner and so i know how to relate the feelings & thoughts into guiding people. like ZD was trying really hard and at his best from what i see, yet without realizing or to find out where his problem lies. he was expecting too much from himself, and so he just kept trying. but all he needs to do was to REMEMBER the basics & prepare himself for falls. subsequently, he needs to know the expectations he could reach so as to lower his stress levels and proceed with things step by step.

i recall how i learnt to swim/blade and etc. you need time to be comfortable with yourself. fiddle with the blade with your legs with small movements like how you're trying to make friends with, then you'll gradually realize the technique to it over time.


Expectations VS Dreams.

setting high expectations is a wrong method of living. you should have high standards of goals/aims/objectives/dreams. yet, each expectations of yours must be within your reach to hit your goal. expectations are "what's the next step/ possible route which i could take to reach my goals?" expectations consist of different levels. just like games.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

回忆的画面依旧清晰可见
就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你

虽然被放弃虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你..

as we walk, i held your hands and say, "remember love". i kissed your hands & you kissed mine.



i hate my mind for having this ability to contain so much & it couldn't stop..

69.

after coming back, it seems kinda a little hectic today. wanted to have an off before i go off again, but i was told to conduct medical training lessons. it's my job while i actually tried to post phoned due to hectic schedules, but have to give some face since people are really nice.

so i gave medical training on impromptu basis for all ranks higher than me. they are the Special Ops Force, ranked from minimal 2nd SGT to Captains. =.= Yet, got to act like some instructor, they sat on the floor, listening to me. LOW confidence! it has been so long since i do some teaching roles. subconsciously, the ranking kinda pressed me a little. however, i managed to do it in a guiding way, with some prompting to make them think a little. afterall, we've got to be a practical.

satisfied with my job! =)

went to A&E today again, this time i saw B. she recognizes me as well. had a short chat. health is really important and nothing else. then we could really appreciate the little things in life. see those people in agony makes me feel.. "i don't wanna be in their shoes!" i guess it's inevitable, but definitely we can try to stay healthy, consistently update ourselves on our medical status before things get worse!

at least, at the end of the day we tried, and if it happens, then we carry on fighting whatever we have to, to live.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

一起长大的约定
那样清晰
打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行
是你如今
唯一坚持的任性

一起长大的约定
那样真心
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清
你是友情
还是错过的爱情

心里仿佛已没了难过
但依然存在着思念
思念的不是你我的 习惯
而是你的微笑 你的可爱..

you shot me.




it seems like it was the 1st time, my heart missed a beat.

then i realise.

it wasn't a dream, it was real.

& i can't seem to get tired thinking.

you knocked me down

you revived me.

55.

send a trainee to CGH A&E the day before. A&E is still as busy as usual. was hoping to meet up with people i knew. i loitered around in the A&E with my uniform for a while, then i left with driver to have some nasi lemak from QJ.


interestingly so as i was walking out, there was this lady sitting outside with her mask on, probably about 18~20. she was practically staring at me as i was walking out, which i took 2 glimpses as i was busy checking out my phone to call back to see if my men wish to eat anything.

alright, no doubt she was quite good looking from the overall and her glittering eyes (naturally i took the 2nd glimpse after the 1st) despite surgical mask on her lower part of her face. it was obvious as my driver did noticed as well, (as we turned our direction, she turned) and my driver prompted me to ask for number which i didn't hear, till things were brought up later. (busy on phone remember?) i think guys in uniform tend to get hold of people's attention. of course, i'm not judging myself here. take it as i sincerely said alright, don't even think.

so i went back to try my luck (see my mentor), and i manage to see I. driver & i smoke back into A&E and i went to look for I. gladly, she recognizes me and we got a short catching up. i guess she was shock to see me as well. though, i knew her for only 3 days during my attachment, but it seems like we knew each other for sometime. she was a great mentor indeed.

surprise hear a news yesterday. perhaps frequency just ain't right for people at times.

somehow people drift, and situations included many disappointments. after separated, we all seem happier, and moved on. but are we? so many stories, yet they all have a different outcome.

let's trust and that everything wasn't an excuse.

i guess, people are funny. hence, we've a recent movie on "funny people". it sounded like a comedy, but in fact it tells us how funny or weird people are when facing near death, r/s or towards decisions they make in life.

when there were so many promises made before, why did it fail? failed to remember? seems like everyone is on the queue of this curse.

dinning out seems easy nowadays.

simple, yet a lack of joy.

confused.

i guess i've been thinking a lot these days. it was unlike the past, where i only have thoughts/plans about the future. i became more sensitive towards certain issues for the present, and it triggers thoughts every now and then.

i'm glad that i did manage to communicate over the phone. i guess it has been for a long time and my voice wasn't recognizable.

been to a few places these days, and every place brings back some images. it kind of come to me very naturally.

i wonder about the worthiness of r/s which i had previously doubted. or rather i question about myself now, is there any form of possibility/ is it really no longer feasible?

as mentioned, i can't afford to take on any r/s even if things were to be back. probably i am afraid; i'm afraid of going through the cycles of emotional tour.

people tell me, just go ahead & date. you've got what you have. you tried Ferrari before, why not try a Lamborghini? but the thing is...

i've thought about it way before hand, and i already knew what i wanted..; someone who's really down to earth & whom i can be really be comfortable with, be myself and don't need any masks, appreciates the everything we share, going through the good days & bad days, and lastly to work together for our common dreams.

sometimes, all you could remember are the good memories that were given. someone asked me, "don't you hate ..?" i did, but i don't now. i understood the character, and i forgive. till now, there isn't any form of bad memories that comes to me, but only the good ones. & i could remember how simple things were & how simple we want things to be.

seems like the more you love, the more you may turn out to hate. yet, there isn't any reason why.

i enjoyed the company of my friends these weeks. they had been great. but somehow there's this emptiness, somewhat un-fulfilling. it feels like the happiness or whatever you may enjoyed isn't shared with someone whom you knew close to your heart.

love may sometimes seem to be a burden and so, being able to shrug it off may seem to be really happier. yet, it could be something which makes your everyday more fulfilling. everyone needs the support, the love, the care/concern, & the very little things in which the one you love could do for you and no one else.

love is blind and so were the many sweet happenings which seem to come along like free goodies bags along the way. i couldn't imagine how situations had came till this date. have we allowed situtations to control us? or are we denying and running away more than before?

& so i ask myself again, how is it no longer possible where you think back about those hurdles we went through? had we been just compromising and not been embracing differences? i'm not looking at the timeline, but i'm picking up those or many special times we shared.

this is probably another higher & more difficult hurdle.

i can imagine how love will be like if things were ever to be back, those passion & attention..

but there isn't anything for me to hope for as i no longer seem to understand or tentatively now. i want love to come back to what it use to be, with burning romance.


attended a wedding ceremony at fullerton ytd. it was simple, yet sweet. & it got me recalled those feelings.

Ms. R is looking better than before as compared to the 1st time i see her. perhaps it's true about this phrase; a women who's in love looks prettier compared to when she isn't. things are getting a lil' too sweet for my friends. zzZ. i'm happy for them thou.


& as long as you're happier, i'm contented.


goodbye.

49

heard this songs over 883 today. then i realize, i've never taken note of the lyrics..

改编词:小寒 曲:伍家辉

一人一半感情不散
一人一素故感情才会久
时光累计安静的泪滴
一心去追爱那么可贵

这样的人这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚不计伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉

这样的人别笑我蠢
傻傻的心痛也不觉疼
就算天冷就算残忍
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半(一人一半)感情不散(感情不散)
已经找到爱为何要离开

时光累计(时光累计)安静的泪滴(安静的泪滴)
一心去追爱那么可贵(爱那么可贵)

这样的人这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚不计伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉

这样的人别笑我蠢
傻傻的心痛也不觉疼
就算天冷就算残忍
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半感情不散
已经找到爱为何要离开
已经找到爱为何先离开

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

how do you differentiate people who appreciate the superficiality & simplicity?

when we can't differentiate, it's probably disappointments we'll always face.

i guess most locals are lacking this character asset. probably only
childhood friends whom we knew back then till now, allows us to differentiate the fact.


probably people are generally categorized as such:

when you have nothing, you have the friends you always have. however, when you have something (power/status/wealth), you're probably attracting people who leverages on you.

this brings me back to what i learned from Mr. R, having wealth is not enough. this doesn't provide opportunities for cash flow. you need to be powerful & established, that's where you automatically create the opportunities for growth of wealth.

people who are successful look for people who has a character/ways of doing, and to provide them with the opportunities or to feel safe to cooperate with for businesses. this in turns creates the trust.

who we are now are due to reality (environment), which has definitely a great impact on our attitudes which changes us overtime. however, the very root of our character hasn't, and we tend to fall back to who we are.

we create environment/reality/situations. however, we don't let them control us. we've got to be in control of what we create for what we wanted at the very first place.

months back, i doubt my character. i thought whatever i did was "whiny" & only complains which isn't a manly thing. should a man just "suck it up" and do/carry on whatever/ face with in life? is that what a man does?

sadly, i don't. as i always believe environment/reality/situations are in my hands. i can control, i can change. why don't even try?

currently, i'm happy with my work. i love my boss, my colleagues. at least i feel that i'm in control of my life (people don't control me except once in a while, randomly like today i was kinda reprimanded for having my hair too long? x.x). & as a team, we dare to face/fight the other more important issues.

& we all fight for what's right despite hassles which everyone prefers to dodge away.

consolidated thoughts.

for the past one month, i've learnt a lot from people's experiences and from books. & thanks to MWO Ho, i found the part of me that was lost.

& i just read a new book, "mars & venus starting over" - it's a whole lot of emotion explorations.

some will say:

"u surprise me overtime i see you, you really putting in effort for r/s."

"bingo! you're right about how women are thinking now."

"a guy would never bother to even understand."

"understand about yourself before women." - but i'm learning both.

"when you moved on to marriage, it's about 2 best friends staying together"

some older generations would say "impressive for a young guy to love someone so long."

i guess i'm starting to be a counselor for couples.

but here's the fact, i've never done what's right for the r/s. as selfish as a mars will always be, we'll never understand venus unless we bother to. she has done her very part for me, but i didn't cherish.

things always takes 2 hands to clap at the right frequency.

as for now, let's back track things a little and consolidate my thoughts...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

types of man

there are 2 types of man. mainly, in the progress of building success & a successful man.

Process of building success (Level 1): this man looks for a partner who is willing to go through the ups and downs of his life, being there to support him till the day he become successful.

Successful man (Level 2): Once he has gotten his success or established a certain level of success (w/o a partner all the while), he knows what he wants, and what type of partner he is looking out for.

Man will after all go through these 2 levels.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

r/s WANTS & NEEDS

a year ago when i was working in aviation company, i was exposed to what i WANTED. i did question myself if i was staying on for passion/responsibility/commitment. however, what you WANT & NEED is different. & i manage to answer this myself.

What you WANT lies in your thoughts, and what you NEED lies in your heart. often than not, we do not get what we need in our heart overtime. then, the mind takes over the heart. after sometime, what attracts you are often what you WANT and not getting the needs from the r/s.

however, what you WANT can grow overtime from expectations. has life been too comfortable that expectations evolved and became different/increased?

back to the point, what spark off the attraction is often what you're lacking in your previous/current r/s. if this emotional dilemma isn't resolved, you're only getting into a "r/s danger". after all it's temporary relief & checking in the new checklist you created, when familiarization and routine sets in, it'll fail.

"in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love."

love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.

that was a part of remembering love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

subconscious vs deception

& recently, i've this new insights to subconscious thoughts. true enough, subconscious thoughts are unknown. if you're able to explain "subconsciously you've been feeling.. subconsciously i think..", then you're just forming a deception over your perception.

subconscious thoughts are unknown. you can't say it yourself. however, it can trigger your action.

i.e. subconsciously you like someone, yet you're in a r/s. this actually forbidden you to explore into the someone you like. however, it may trigger you to break up/losing passion for the r/s overtime or tentatively. this subconsciousness will surfaced the moment after the break up (i.e. starting/trying to interact with the person), it becomes a conscious fact.

however the above scenario can be interlink with the aforementioned about not getting what you NEED and looking for what you WANT.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no one is perfect. i'm may not be the best, but i'm doing my best.

i've seen and look into the details i missed, and did not bother to understand.

i went through the 4 stages of emotional tour. mainly; fear, sorrow, sadness and anger. & i explored into feeling betrayed, hurt, blame, mistrust n etc. each time, i let the pain grow, each time i allow waves to hit me over and over.

i've got back that sense of peace. & i'm letting go with love & forgiveness..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as much as i love you & as much as i want to get back, i wouldn't want it now.


feel free to love/date anyone, find what you need.


it's not about "to-get-her", but to be together.



p.s. i love you.

appreciated.

bumped into one of my ex-colleague yesterday. we had a short chat.

he thanked me for doing the right thing, to an extent of probably tarnishing my reputation and relationship with people.

at least he appreciates and thanked me. & unknowingly, i received some good comments from others which i didn't expect.

he told me that i should have stay on and make changes with Boss. right now everything changed, and that people are doing what's right. still, there's one thing yet to change within themselves. as i believe, people will all grow to be a better man.

there're always people who likes you and dislikes you, but i guess it's all passing phase.

afterall, when we work we meant to solve problems.

did i regret the change to a "less welfare" place? i don't. at least for now, i made good colleagues/ friends. in life, you often gain some loose some. but ultimately, you got to know what you want.

i learn this phrase as well, "do you get things right or do what's right?" i guess i belong to the latter.

for things i clearly want, my decisions were never a regret. time will give u an answer. and i found the answer from what i kept 1 year plus back.

it was exactly the same. but this time, it was portrayed differently.

sometimes you may have the opportunity, but you lack the capability to work things out/ to thrive/ to grab.

but when you start to realize your capability, all you need is opportunity.



i know what you're working for. =)

作词:方文山 作曲:周杰伦

我不配

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪

这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

broken strings.

the ugly truth.

a great comedy/romance movie i would say. many insights as what i've read, and of course the many new ones which surfaced. i would definitely love to quote some out from the show, however i couldn't remember them exactly. probably when got to catch the 2nd time.

but some rough quotes here & cross references from the book i read..

- women wants man to be like a women, yet this is surely unrealistic. however, just like man, a man wants a woman to be like his guy friends.

- women fantasize about a perfect partner, but it doesn't happen in reality.

- women have their checklist on the ideal partner they want. as i read, this is quite similar to women having point system which is created subconciously in their mind.

probably women just likes to create documents in their mind. =X

the above are some facts which i read and it was clearly displayed in parts of the scene.

an attention from man can often spark of the many emotions in women.

as mentioned, men and women are hardwired differently. we do things the opposite. actually we know, but often than not, we do not accept the opposite.

the movie has shown 2 couples of very different personality coming together at the end. although on the female side, she has tried to find someone similar and close to her requirements (using very much of her thoughts), but it doesn't work out. on the other hand, the man unknowingly love her, for no reason.

the man has embrace this differences, because he is aware and he understood. as for the woman, unknowingly she has understood and embraces this differences between them overtime.

"man loves a woman whom he is successful in loving in"

there is no reason. and true enough, because you JUST do so.

there's one scene in the show as the couple had some passionate dance; brought me back some images which i probably wouldn't have thought of times back.

the ugly truth is, man are definitely lustful. however, a man will only really love one who he truly does (and of course successful in loving).

this brings me back to a point which was shared by others; our partner consist of 80% of what we need. 20% goes to what we really want. however, if you think about the love that has gradually accumulated over time, and the storms that you've went through. it just adds up to 100% what you really need.


the 20% of what you want are just your fantasies.

-

i got a sweet dreams last night. and yea, i hate waking up from sweet dreams.


perception between the generations seems to have drifted a little.

spoils mood.


x.x

《彩虹》

作曲:周杰伦 作词:周杰伦

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什麼天这麼安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我怎麼睡得著
你的身影这麼近我却抱不到
没有地球 太阳还是会绕
没有理由 我也能自己走

你要离开 我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开
但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

RAP
看不见你的笑
要我怎麼睡得著
你的身影这麼近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就承受不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone.

'many women today are under so much stress that they are simply unable to feel their needs. under stress, women tend to reach out and feel the needs of others rather than their own. with a little time and exploration, these strong and independent women discover and admit to a variety of needs, most commonly:

- she needs a man for romantic companionship
- she needs a man to be faithful
- she needs a man for simple companionship. she doesn't want to come home to a big, beautiful, empty house or apartment
- she needs a man around because she feels safer - two people are twice as good as one
- she needs to have a partner to share fun times with
- she need a partner to share with who cares about her well-being
- she needs a partner to share responsibilities of caring for the nest
- she needs a partner to fix things
- she needs a partner's support to feel really great

the truth is, women today need men more than ever. they need man in different ways. men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with the new stresses of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available. with greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. with more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide.'

-

sometimes, love reach a stage where u love his/her everything unknowingly, yet you didn't ever realize. & people around you cried for this love, as they care for this love.

it's like a sudden lost of a very close beloved member of the family.


those who sees, they care.

Found the song lyrics.

Today 883 just filled with so much good songs and this was one of it.

hmm..

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己判刑
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了，快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意

一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重
漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

this song lyrics really long, but it's not very repetitive.

today just damn sian, probably cause of the rain.

hmm..


u r.

hormones are from heaven

'at the start of the relationship, a man will get excited and motivated by the challenge of winning a woman's affection. the challengeautomatically stimulates the production of testosterone, the hormone from mars that contributes to a man's sense of power and well-being. when his testosterone levels are at normal levels, he is pumped and is more attentive and attracted to his partner.

as routine sets in over time, and the challenge in the relationship decreases, his testosterone levels decrease. when this happens, the honeymoon is over, and a man looks to stimulate higher levels of testosterone. work outside the home provide new challenges to capture a man's interest and raise his testosterone levels.

overtime, as reality sets in and her expectations are not always satisfied, she no longer assumes that all her needs will be met. the resulting decrease in hope, trust, and optimism will affect her oxytocin levels. her daily routine loses some of its magic. she attempts to bring back the magic by giving more to their relationship, but when her attempts are not reciprocated, she eventually loses the glow, along with motivation to give more.'

with increasing number of people not understanding the differences between man and woman, we'll never get things right.



i can feel..


i do. =)

support seeking.

'man love projects. projects are specific. they have a beginning and an end. he can determine what he is going to do, how he is going to do it, and most important, when he is going to do it. men will often do what they consider is most important first. ask for a man's support in specific instead of general terms.

even if he is tired, a project with a definite end point or solution will give him extra energy, particularly if a woman's tone of voice or facial expression while making the request indicates that she will appreciate the result of his actions. when he does something to help her rather than because she expects or thinks he should do it, he then feels closer to her and is more willing to help her out in the future.'

had 1x fun yesterday with J, & we had spend a long night together. afterall those who truly understands me are people who have spent very short times with me in parts of my life. surprisely, they turn out to be the hidden supporters, watching my growth through the years.

as far as i know..

it's..

you know.


FLY!!!

behaviors

'when men and women are insecure, they have equal tendency to use strong emotional outbursts or the silent treatment as a way to threaten, shame, or punish their partners. when this is the case, they are using their reactions to control and manipulate rather than release their stress.

when a man pulls away to cope with his own stress, a woman may chose to punish him by pulling away when he comes back. she may develop the testosterone tendency of pulling away. unfortunately, her spiteful behavior does not support either partner.

punishing our partners by withholding our love may work in the short term, but in the long term it creates fear and mistrust, causing on tension and conflict.

an attitude of "i win you lose" in a relationship is an empty victory. when you love someone, you lose if that person loses. the greatest pain we feel in a relationship comes when we withhold the love in our own hearts.' - denial?

"real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection", it's not about compromising.


as i talked to someone who was much elder than i am today. i am starting to realise & learn the many things between men & women, having many new insights as well. you'll never learn unless you bother to find out.

these few weeks, my pace in life slowed down a little. i start to observe people again. day to day, we laughed, we kept ourselves busy with friends/work/things we like to do, despite the problems we faced from work/school/family/techical problems (i.e my laptop screen flickering, not doing whatever that was suppose to be done to solve the problem). stress? definitely. i come back daily, i am faced with the same laptop problem. i guess it's time to do something about it.

when night falls, it's when we're in our comfortable cave, being ourselves once more, then we think about ourselves, our day and everything. the night just seems so comfortable, to be yourself.

finished with AOH. but currently, i've a few projects on hand. real busy, but i'm brewin' success. i'm ready, and i'm fallin'..

airbone! hah!



用心, 用意, 在意地听.


offs here i come!

fight/flight response

"when men experience the fight-or-flight response, vasopressin is released into their bodies and enhanced by testosterone. the combination pf vasopressin and testosterone suppresses the production of oxytocin, so it is more difficult for men to calm down. as a result of the suppression of oxytocin production, men do not have the built-in tranquilizer that women have to deal woth stress. in day-to-day activites, women have much higher levels of emotional reaction, but at times of great danger, when men are ready to fight, it is often women who calm things down."

woman's never-ending-to-do list

"the more stress man experiences during the day, the emptier his mind becomes. it is inconceivable to women that a man can quite effortlessly sit and not think about things. this doesn't occur for women, because their muscles don't break down like a man's and rob the brain of amino acids required to think. the more a man feels stressed, the more he needs to recover."

a woman's higher fat-to-muscle ratio enables her body not only to make extra hormones for childbearing but also provide additional energy. by burning fat stored in her extra fat cells, she can produce 20 times more energy than man. this extra energy supports her brain, which never rest, churning away nonstop to create a never-ending-to-do list."

房祖名: 最动听

昨天晚上我又梦见你
在梦里我看见很美的东西
可能是在睡前想过你
才会梦见你

在梦里
我常常寻寻觅觅寻找着你
是梦而已

在现实里我曾经问过自己是否爱你
还是个游戏

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音

不管多小声我会用心地听
不管多小声多小声
我也会用心用意在意地听

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音
不管多小声我会用心地听
不管多小声多小声
因你的声音
在我心
是最为动听

Interesting Facts.

"Sexual activity produces testosterone in men, but orgasm releases oxytocin. This calming effects of this hormonal cascade why men often roll over and fall asleep afterward. After sex, a man's testosterone level can drop for a while, which is why a man sometimes feels a need for greater distance immediately after sex.

Men and women react opposite ways after sex on account of their hormones. While a woman's elevated oxytocin levels put her cuddle reflex in high drive, the dynamic of rising oxytocin and falling of testosterone often causes a man to withdraw as his hormones return to normal balance. Understanding and accepting that men sometimes retreat after sex, when women feel the most connected, can help avoid bad feelings."

-End-

watched "i love you, beth cooper". Nice one. i've new insights as i watch such shows with a romance in it, better understanding of emotions/perspectives between men and women.

i miss this.. as i watch.. hmm..


"thank you for loving me", as beth said.

night.