It was so long since the last time I posted. So much to say, yet I have got no one to turn to. No one. This time, it’s broke up of a 3 years and 11 days relationship. So much of future that we thought about and planned. So many places and path we took. All came to a stop.

You were once sweet. You can go all the way to please me if I was angry for hours. Not now. U get agitated for little thing I do. No matter how inferior or scare I feel, I am still frank, faithful and no lies. This time, you lied.

A rule was made before the start of this relationship. No Lies. It’s simple, honest and truth. Then, there’ll be mutual trust. You knew it was on rocks, yet you still lied. Was it a way to make me listen? Or otherwise, should it be a better approach?

Haven’t I been a good enough boyfriend? Early morning to bring you to Chinese doctor, hopefully to correct your health as much as possible? Cooked for you when you were sick, help you with this and help you with that. Things changed and yet you didn’t notice. You don’t really bother about me a lot. Less care, less concern.

What do I mean? It doesn’t mean “have you taken your lunch”? When I was sick and fever, I companied for walks at shopping malls. You wanted to tried clothes, I disagreed. It wasn't a day for shopping. It was to talk and spend some quality time. To talk and share. However, come now, you say I don’t company you for shopping? Is that really so?

I wanted to taste your pineapple tarts once more… you always say you didn’t have time… is that really so? Then why do time spent with dogs is much more at home? Couldn’t the time be use for making tarts ma? When dogs were young, they needed extra care, I understood and you spent most of the time taking care of them. 6 dogs now, so how much could I expect more from you?

I just need your care and no lies. It is just that simple…

Let’s just split this relationship before and ever since poly life. Let’s think back and compare the treatment you have towards me. Why have I been so unreasonable? I have been all inside. I’m sorry, I couldn’t be any reasonable. I can’t think clearly anymore.

I put down my pride and ego. I understood the fact that a guy having too much of this, can hurt the girl a lot sometimes. I’m happy when you do well now too. Seriously happy. I could fully understand the sharing of joy in a relationship.

You treated it for granted. I put down my pride, you forget to respect it. You hurt it with your sarcasm, your lie and your excuses. If you were sarcastic, shouldn’t you already learn to be when I first knew you? Why only now and recently? Then come to tell me that your family upbringing. Is that an excuse or have you changed? Don’t you find that you’re finding more and more excuses for yourself? I never said all these.

Too close, too used to it. We tend to forget and treated what we have for granted. It has ended. Goodbye my angel. I miss those sweetness you once gave.

Oh well, exams are over and recently I had a class chalet. It was wonderful and enjoyable.

Pre-chalet mood was uncertainty which I experienced. I tell myself, it’s not going to be screwed this time. I went off early to meet SH for check in. Thanks a lot to him to make my class chalet a success. So like superman, I flew to pass Stingray to PS, drew money from my bank which belongs to the class and met did the check in plus inventory check. After meeting up with the rest, we checked in. I guess the first impression of the chalet was good. No doubt the place is cozy, comfortable and relaxing.

It was convenient for many too. I guess that was one reason why WL came for 2 nights. Glad. At least there are people making the effort. ZW too, I can sense that uncertainty and boredom in him initially. However, I guess he had mixed with us well w/o his usual buddies. Due to work, some check in late, so yeah… many of the food stuff and BBQin’ I got to look over, and I didn’t know where to find the stuff. Great that WL was there to aid me.

For 3 days, I guess many of us really relax. Not much house keeping this time, except that BBQ kind of make things messy and ME smelly. It took me don’t know how many bath to get rid of the BBQ smell on my hair and body on the next day. Zzz. Lucky with the aid of sauna, steam bathe, the smell kind of got rid… Then, had a game of soccer while some go Zzz… I didn’t know I still can have stamina to run and chase ball. I guess it’s just all in the mind. LOL. Shah didn’t played well though, we was irritated by the grassy. For me, nothing much until later when I sat on it and my butt felt a little itchy…

Dinner at pizza hut was a great one. LOL. We split into groups to have our meals. Hot and chessy. Then on the last night, I had majong till 3 am. After that I went off to the room to sleep and Shah was coming up with all the GAYS and dirty talks. So I guess the class should know who the real gay is now. LOL.

Out of 20 of us, 17 gave a chance and made this chalet an enjoyable and successful one. Oh, though Mega-Flame burns the throat and it also burned (bonded) the 17 of us together. Though not very bonded, it was better now. Keep up, and let’s move on AD24. Hopefully, we can have 1 more chalet yea. ARANDA again!!! I simply love the place. Any other better place?

First of all, Happy Teachers’ Day to all Teachers who have once taught me or who have shaped my life one way or another.

Today is Teachers’ Day eve, went back to PRCS today with my old pals. Miss being with them though and we even went to Party World for Kara! It has been a long time since we last hang out.

Would like to comment that the color combination of PRCS building seriously zZz. The gate seems like temple’s gate. RED COLOR. Special huh? Why? Ask the Principal. First, I met up with the OM Singh and Department of Head of PE San NOT Shan. Had my lunch with them on the table n chatted. Since I’m an ex-school student, speaking to them is so much carefree than before. After that, Razak came.

LOL. San n Singh was asking SM to get married early better. Razak says, “Alex, don’t listen to them, enjoy first. You can always adopt one.” 3 Generation types of people were present there. So just like the 9 pm show; Big Man, Small Man. Finally after 2 years, I manage to taste the food in school. Taste and feeling never change.

Once again, I inspected the room I love most in school, NCC Room. It was messy as expected. Before I left, it was comparable to Azhar’s NPCC room, though theirs was much cozier, but in terms of tidiness it was reasonably comparable.

After lunch I bulged into the staff room without calling up the teachers (while Joseph & company waited outside). I had a long chat with YYH. He was a wise man. Seriously wise. Maybe due to literature, the study of humanity, I’ve learnt to observed and understand people better than before. Last time, when he use to ‘suan’ me, I was affected of course. But I am a serious man who can’t take joke unlike now; skin thicker. Ha.

So how was life? Hectic, competitive, tiring. “Don’t have to bother how well people do, as long as you do your best and you have no regrets, it’s alright” “You’re hardworking; I believe you can do it.” Encouraging words which some how recharged the energy I’ve lost after a long time. No one does this in TP or ever since I left PRCS. I was touch at that moment. Thanks Mr Yeo.

After that, met up with Ms Chua, Luo Lao Shi, Mimi Lam…

Then the funniest man came into action; Mr Collin with his lame moves and cold jokes. More white hair, aged. I remember those times when he ran with us, giving us extra Maths lessons when we’re just Secondary 1 & 2, always “remedial time is 2.30 pm and till depends”. It's always until 6 anyway. The vain spot is there combing his hair, showing black face. I’m always scolded for being selfish, who just ran to the water cooler and take a sip after run which I wasn’t suppose to do so; Endurance, Determination, One for All, All for One. That’s the rules you play.

Mr Collin is a great teacher. He even wanted to pass me some exam papers for Science after I mentioned that I’m giving tuition to students. He too encouraged me; work harder and study hard! Without him, there wouldn’t be the Alex today here. He would be just as selfish and a guy who never learns. Chance. People need a chance. He gave me a chance to prove myself, a chance to change. Thanks to Singh and San too, otherwise I would have a Beta record now in my report book.

Then, changes took place during Secondary 3! That was 1 reason I wasn’t a counselor but a USM of PRCS only then. Anyway, the current Acting USM was the boy who I gave the “Best Cadet” award to when he was just Secondary One. He still remembers my name! I can sense from his eyes is full of respect! Ha, I’m afraid not up to it for my status now. So he asked me how to manage a unit and how to pull up the unit to Gold back. Then, tips were exchanged. Sad to say, after I left they dropped to Silver.

Then, tips are; be firm, mature, cool and steady, and train harder!

So I was talking about signing on Army and getting a degree during the sign on days with Mr Yeo. At least, during the 5 years I’ve income and pursuing a degree. Probably after 5 years, having a degree would help me get better jobs in the industry. He said “I see you to be potentially SAF last time leh, now I don’t think so!” LOL. What have I become? Potential for… Celebrity? Modeling? Okay, humble now. Shouldn’t be BHB.

I’m still thinking of ways to earn fast money though. I want a better life for my family.

So many teachers were still shock to know that Me and Diana were still together. They thought it was puppy love. Sad to say, I was much more matured than lah! That’s why it can preserver until now! Even Mdm Kamisah agreed! The rest of the praises given by her, I shan’t mention it. Haha…

All right. I’m motivated now! Studies aside for now. Gym harder!

Thanks to all Teachers. Cheers!

“Election is round the corner, vote for me.” This can be commonly seen in the whole of TP. Yes, many are running election; for studies club or TPSU.

“Hey Alex, you’re not running?”
“Nope.”

Sad huh? Or disappointment to those who wanted to support me, but can’t? Sorry pals, sorry people, sorry my friends. I have my reasons.

Hence, the latest news – 17 people are running for ASc main committee. However, some bias lecturers publicize for 13. Here’s the break down. Out of the 13, there are people who are non-subcommittee members. The other 4, 1 or 2 was sub-committee members. Obviously, it’s favoritism or biasness if you want to put it. UGLY. Extreme ugliness done by the lecturers.

It’s not like the 1 in the 4 is a slacker or what. He/She did her work, made her contribution to ASc before. He/She did the things as were instructed. How ugly can politics be even demonstrated in school? Ugly lecturers. Ugly CF.

There’s a story, this is how it goes…

A: “Hey, why you don’t want to run.”
B: “Why should I? Look at the other runners and the person who is going to press the horn.”

A stunned; turning into stunner. B continues…

B: “Fuck up KELONG horny horners.”
A: “Why?” (Disbelief)

B: “If I start a little earlier, he would say I foul. But if the others start a little earlier, they would definitely run ahead of me. Some of the spectators out there should come down the track and run. They have more stamina which you’ll never know and never discover. This is because Fuck up KELONG horny horners, don’t like spectators.”

A: “But, why did you say Fuck up KELONG horny horners, don’t like spectators???”

B: “Only runners are interested in the sport. However for spectators, no matter how many time he horns, they never run and never move.”

Moral of the story: Fuck up KELONG horny horners’ horn irritates the spectators.

Hence, they’ll never want to be on the track. They’ll never want to be controlled. The horn had made the spectators lose interest. It's not the person, but the act itself.

Bad metaphor isn’t it? I crapped it up. Read between the lines, use your reading skills.

I once said, a leader is never nor considered a good leader if he shows biasness nor favoritism regardless of how much you can lead. He gives everyone the opportunity to perform and rectify the problem if his comrades fail to perform. More often than not, the problem lies with him/her - the leader.

Catfish, got it? It goes the same for lecturers.

It’s the failure to lead in proper. Something has brewed in the tea; the tea leaves. Then, the tea is drinkable. Some leaves separates from the other leaves when the drinker starts pouring. You broke the club with your actions and “take it for granted” attitude.

You have the brain. But when brain comes without a heart, the brain becomes much useless after all.

I miss those inspiring teachers in secondary school. Thanks lots to my NCOs, I learnt a lot.

Many things are bothering me; politics. Not in Singapore but ASc. I'm still considering. Many external factors are obstructing my way. To go for? Or don't? Perhaps, I've to wait for the outcome of interest for my Canoe Polo.

Past few nights, talked to RP. I miss NCC indeed. Back to Week 0, I was narrating to RP how I would have done, if I've still got my RANK and POST. It was the attitude freshman that SHA referred me to.

Back during school days, my Officers has no worries for disciplinary or AP students. I had always handled them. Scold? Yes, I did. I even shouted right at their face. Of course, this doesn’t help. I've always played devil-angel. I'll counsel them for their mistake. However, as LT head in a polytechnic; things are beyond my reach. For, people will hate me. Hence, I refer AP students to lecturers.

I decided not to sign on as CLT is partly because I would like to expose myself to other forms of leadership. I did. I learned a lot of interpersonal skills after O levels. However, I’ve learned that as a leader, you can’t expect everyone to like you. But, you need the majority to like you. Otherwise, the problem lies with you.

I’ve always got some things to say. However, sometimes I’m too tired to blog. Just like Saturday night, I’ve plenty to blog. Then now, I’ve forgotten what I want to say.

All right. A new week is starting again. I’m going to be shag by the days. God bless me. Good night.

All right. Due to popular demand, (true or not i don't know) my blog will be back to life soon. Cheers! Await for my updates!

I've been too lazy to blog. Hence for the time being, please enjoy my GC journal.

PRE– TRIP JOURNAL

10 December 2005, Saturday
It was the first global citizenship briefing. It was uncertainty which I experienced. I received an email a few days ago and was told to be in the reserves. I’ve never taken a flight before. I hope this would be an opportunity for me to see the world out of Singapore.

One of my friends didn’t attend the briefing as he thought that the chances for him to get in the subject would be low. However, I think that if you want something and go all out, you’ll get what you want eventually.

Beautiful pictures were shown in the briefing. The world is big out there but I’ve yet to seen any. A shanghainese woman was invited to provide us with more information and lifestyle of Shanghai – interesting. I guess many who attended the briefing had fun pronouncing some of the shanghainese phrases.

I’ve also realized from what I’ve learnt in sociology, I was able to apply this concept - cultures and values are embedded in our language. Without language, it wouldn’t create the environment you are living in, and the values you’re taught ever since you’re born. Then, it’s where you’re born that’s important. Environment and people shaped our life.

There’s still hope though. I hope I’ll be able to go Shanghai.

7 March 2006, Monday
It was the first day of global citizenship lesson. I’ve got into the class of TV01. Ms Marie had lots of proverbs which sets me to think deeper. There’s so many citizenship that I’ve come to realize, global; student, employer, employee and tourist. They come under one big umbrella - citizenship.

Globalization is the compression and intensification of the consequences of the world as a whole.

The world has become smaller each day with the rapid growth of technologies. Good or bad? Perhaps I would prefer the world to continue to be in its primitive state. Why? Good phrase to quote, “When the world is big, we think small. But as it gets smaller, we think big.”

There are so many problems in the world now. Environment verses Human, Human verses Human. For the recent years, many things had happened. It started out with mouth and food disease, SARS, Bird Flu; evolving from one stage to another, Tsunami and etc. And we human tried our best to overcome them and restore them to what it was in their original state. Coming to human verses human; terrorism around the globe and genocides happening in other countries.

Is it a hint that we should restore Earth to what it was supposed to be?

Human life has improved over the centuries due to the wonderful brains we had. At the same time, it has brought us various consequences. In many ways we had benefited (an easier life). However, from what we have done and received over the years, was it human’s retribution?

Maybe if we’ve learnt to be more self-contented rather than trying to pursue knowledge and understand why, the Earth would be able to survive longer, humans would be happier and live longer. However, pros and cons emerged as we get more and more educated. Imagine, I wouldn’t be typing this entry. Back to primitive, I may be learning how to hunt now.

7 March 2006, Tuesday
Today’s presentation was impressively done by my classmates. I could have done better, but maybe I’ve yet use to the people in my class. There was lots of “arguments” in defending individual perceptions.

Though I have my point of view, I wasn’t spontaneous enough. While the arguments were going on, thoughts are running in my mind, analyzing others perception. I wasn’t confident enough in a new group of people to speak up.

Our thoughts, is it regarded as perception or deception? What is right and wrong? If murdering and taking one’s life is wrong, it’s because we have the mind to judge. What about taking the life of an animal? Do we have the mind to judge? Yes. But because an animal doesn’t have a mind to judge, humans aren’t blame.

Right and wrong isn’t defined. If there’s a day whereby we’ve to be cannibals, I guess many will be; in the mental state of desperate survival. If you say you wouldn’t, you’ll be killed. Naturally, you’ll sleep well and sleep forever. There’ll be neither have fear nor guilt.

True enough, human tries to maximize profit over all values. Due to environmental and social problems, we can be extremely selfish.

“World federation is an ideal that will not die. More and more people are coming to realize that peace must be more than interlude if we are to survive; that people is a produce of law and order; that law is essential if the force arms do not rule the world.” -William O. Douglas, US Supreme Court Justice

To simplify this proverb – the world is perfect, peace is important if we want to survive; hence if we can produce law and order, peace should be made without resorting to violence.

It then leads to peace lying in the mindset of man. We chose our path in life; we’re responsible for what we’ve chosen. Selfishness leads to anger and frustration and then leading to war. It starts off as initial state of selfishness, to the process of anger; war had already started in the process before actions actually took place.
Therefore, for this proverb, “The primacy of profit maximization over all other values is the core of environmental and social problems.” I do only agree partly.

I do not agree that environmental and social problems are the core that we go against our values. Rather the core problem lies in us. As what I’ve learnt recently, the “moral compass”. We can choose to go against or not to.

Tired… Tired from school and projects. Had an argument with SH and WL due to project meeting. SH argued for WL.

To get you prepared and clear your school work these few days and come to meet on Sunday means a lot to her. I understand. Can you tell me a reason for me to accept? Spend time with family. I quitted DB to do so. However, I burnt it for projects.

Just a week and it’s that difficult? After ALP on Saturday, I bet many do not want to do any work. A Sunday can mean a lot to you, so does it to the others.

I understand you have activity but tell me what is it that you should be allowed to be excuse.

“You do not need to go to such an extent. What’s the big deal?” What a statement. The deal is not very big. It’s all for the sake of the group - to be more mentally prepared and rather being “gan chiong”.

TR calls for meeting on Sunday. His group members grumble. He so called argued with G too. Why not SH argue for G?

In the end, he ends up preparing his presentation at 02 00 to 02 30 hours.

Recalling the scene, I do not like it at all. Why do you have to argue in such a way whereby I’m trying to explain it?

I do not want perfection. I seek perfection to improve, not to be perfect. It pushes you up higher than the others. Though it’s not perfect, we can see the work produced is better. Though it’s comparative, it just the matter on how you go about treating it.

Presentation is not about individual. It’s the ability of your group to impress others. Naturally, all the group members will score. Organization’s objective above one’s self. My objective is to do well as a whole. The satisfaction is better.

Why can’t people understand? I’m someone who makes decision. I chose what’s best to what I can think of. At the same time, I’m free for ideas. Convince me, do not just keep quiet. Or rather, discuss it to make it better.

If everyone does not give slip short or half past six work, it would make life of the collaborator easier. Still I’m looking for a better template.

Working in a group, does not mean when you come for meeting, you’re co-operating. I’ve realize the definition of co-operation. It’s to give in your best to the organization (no slip short work) and take the initiative to ask if the other need help or to do something for others.

All these goes with you till you’re at work or no matter where you go. Perfectionist is needed in a group to produce better work; it also pushes to group as a whole to go further. Am I such a difficult person to work with?

In the end, she can’t make still though I’ve compromised to her needs. Tomorrow morning. Reason: My BF isn’t that happy. I accepted.

I don’t trust school’s computer, it is I do not want to do it in school. The internet is slow too. Want to have a trial of the presentation and practice it as a team also kind of inconvenient.

I’ve done my best.

It has been long since I’ve updated. Busy. Busy with school and CCAs. My free time had been spent on playing game, with girlfriend and friends.

A closure to my holidays – not well spent enough. School has started, however I always wanted to be at home. I do not have the feeling to “chiong” again. I’m tired out mentally.

DB has created the stress – mental stress. 5 days a week is a big commitment. Though my attendance has been very bad, there’s stress. Out of 5 trainings, average attendance is 3/5. Sorry. However, each time when it comes to training days, I just do not feel like going. Yet, inside me I felt guilty.

I’m figuring out why and I knew why. It’s tiring to make trips down to Kallang or sometimes during the weekdays, I’ve got to stay in school till so late. After reaching home, sometimes I have to face my mother’s black face. She likes things to be done on time, as she’s a housewife, she want to rest early. She doesn’t like things to be left there and wait for the next round of washing – that goes for my daily clothes. Of course it’s a trouble. I understand.

Anyway, in the previous post as I said, I was pissed. Firstly, due to some money matters between the lectures with our class. The lectures attitude and character. Secondly, was with DB’s CAP – felt that somehow his words should be encouraging and not a discouraging one. Lastly, I’ve forgotten. So, that’s the end of the story.

Weather is cool today. I love it. Few days ago, after coming back from training, i laid on my bed. Tired but yet I couldn’t sleep. Later, I was on the verge of tears. Yea, so again, I thought of my grandma once more. Partly, it’s also maybe beause of mental stress which comes within me.

So today was my bus ride to Tampines Mall with my dearest to meet her parents. Without knowing, while talking to her, I broke down. Of course it’s about my grandma once more. The urge of turning back the time is so terrible.

So I told her this. I dreamt of Grandma last night. She just suddenly appeared in my dream. I walked up to her, I hugged her. It was my first time doing this to her ever since she brought me up since I was a baby till the age to 6.

In my dream, I asked her how she was doing and I told her I really miss her. She smoothed my back, telling me everything’s goanna be alright. I could still remember in my dream, I felt so happy when I saw her. I felt so carefree and motivated to move on further.

Here I am typing these, I couldn’t control my tears. I do not know when time will be enough. But I really miss her. Time just couldn’t turn back. It’s different when death comes unprepared. The person will never be there again to put a full-stop in your life.

I'm Pissed. I'll update again and let you know why. Arghz!

I’ve been too lazy to update. My daily events are DRP & DB training. Not much of a regret joining DRP. Rather, the regret part was the holidays were terribly burned. The thing that irks my heart is not having enough time for my dearest. I miss spending time.

Last Saturday and Sunday was the SAVA race. Excluding the mixed race which I wasn’t in, there are a total of 5 race for man’s open for the 2 days. Due to excess amount of team members, coach had to substitute some of us for each race. Hence, I took part in 4 out of 5 - thrice rower and once drummer.

It’s nice being drummer! Shout, motivate the team and whack the drum! I love it. Hopefully, when the next batch of freshies come in for Temasek Regatta, I’ll be able to drum for AS?

1st time for race was the SAVA sprint 200m. Everything ended fast. “Chiong ah!” before you knew it, you’re at the finishing line. Too fast, too furious. However, we were still last. Teams from foreign countries like Japan, Germany, Australia and Philippines. You can imagine how built they are and comparing to us, who had trained for just 4 months, ranging from 17 to 18 years old.

We lost but we knew each other better. The team had definitely bonded a lot for the 2 days. Coach was glad as he sees the improvements in us. It’s not all about winning. No doubt satisfaction and experience were gained.

Congrats to the girl’s team, making it to the Cup Finals for 500m on Sunday and gained 2nd position – that’s what I heard.

As for DRP, I’ve learned a lot of practical skills in the laboratory. It’s a good time polishing up my laboratory skills. I hope the laboratory instructors would not be pestered by me when school reopens and laboratory work starts. I’ve become more particular, not the crazy Alex whose at work in the laboratory and tries all sorts of nonsense. It’s all goes to YY’s guidance. Thanks.

YY popped up a question which makes me think for a moment during one of our lunch break. “How do you define successful?”

After much thought, I’ve a more definite answer after doing a compare and contrast with KJ and AC’s reply with mine. KJ’s reply was; do what you like to do. AC’s success gained when you’ve happiness. I suppose that’s what they meant.

For mine, seek a balance in life.

The definite answer after much thought would be; you gradually would gain happiness from what you like to do. However, a point of balance has to be present. You can have 5 people of about the same height standing but not 5 standing and 1 sit or squad. It’s ugly.

5 people standing have only a little difference in height. When u see from far, the formation isn’t that bad. However, when it comes to the latter, and like you coming to the aspect you’re weak in, you’re demoralized.

In this case when I say these, I may be seeking for perfection. Differences can’t be too far apart. It may be tiring to be achieved. We may seem balanced, but we’re actually not. It’s something we need to find out as we go on in our life.

Hence, the definitions of successful change with time.

With different point of view from different people, sometimes you may just get the answer. But be reminded, it’s not definite. The view point of 3 people doesn’t represent the amount of population present in this Earth.

Let's THINK more.

歌名: 让时间开口
演唱: 张智成

脚步重心口痛你开始泪流
太明白在未来已不能迁就
应验了一开始有人说
我们一定不会长久

泪干了各自走不会有挽留
现在就放开不会再牵的手
没有错我们并没有错
只是走不到最后

从头到尾安静地承受
分开的默契我们都有
所有的想念和问候
留作以后朋友代口

当时间缓缓流走
已不适合再开口
背影随沉默拉长
所有答案都在心上

当时间缓缓流走
会代替我们开口
寂寞再回到身旁
爱情留待别人遇上

时间会代我开口
时间会代你开口
时间会索你所有
过去现在或以后

Finally have the time to sit right down in front of the computer and blog. Many thing are on my mind every day and hope to share it over the net, however, my schedule is just so pack.

For PS’s previous entry, the elderly life experiences were much 可贵. Their advices for the upcoming generation were also no doubt 金玉良言. However, as I’ve said, decision making may not be the wisest. All that you can do is to have their advices being put into analyzing with other relevant information that you may have. Case Close*

Some updates for my recent life.

I guess for the 2 months holidays, that’ll be a total of 4 BBQ I’ve attended. Tired and really tired. 1st was the class chalet, DB’s, EX-Class and lastly ASc. I would say I enjoyed ASc’s most and followed by EX-Class. Enjoyable.

DB’s race coming up and training intensity is getting higher. My back is aching and body is not recovering on time. Sometimes I just feel so sick after the training the next day. Skipped Sunday and today’s training. Sunday was back pain, today was feeling sick. I skipped to prevent being sick. I knew my body and race is on Saturday and Sunday.

Got to know that I wasn’t selected for the mixed race. Sad? Not really. I’ve got other commitments and there’s nothing to be sad about.

Training wasn’t enjoyable at all sometimes. To enjoy, there must be some spirit and most importantly the presence of friends. There was never full attendance which makes coach disappointed. Perhaps, due to the intensity, some just could not seek a balance in life.

As he says, he doesn’t like to see tired faces during training. Likewise, when some of them need to work, their employer doesn’t like to see their tired face either. Training makes you mentally and physically exhausted. Here, I mean really exhausted. You know how does exhaust pipe works?

What happens when engine is used to its limit? After a day, do you think it’ll be slightly working? Working as well as before? Or dead? To excel in this area is to have no other major/ important commitments. Mind you, it’s 4 times a week. Diets and sleeping hours have to be in good control. People like me who dreams daily is worst. 365 days a year, 90% of it I’ll have dreams.

I’m enjoying ASc for the moment. Happening, fun, funny, relax and most importantly you get to know new friends. Yea, my life has been bored; no life. Anyway, it’s great to meet some new guys. News guys who are passing by my life, or maybe staying through?

DRP has been bored. Shit. I’ve got to entertain 90 hours of it. Entertain just means 应酬. It means; something which you do not like to do but has to do it. Haha, it’s not the actual meaning actually. Got to learn it through a serial which I watch when I was young.

Ok la, I’ve been crapping in this entry of mine. Bored.

I found this interesting under the small gift cards of herworld magazine.

Value & Appreciation:

We often take things, people and situations for granted.

We take our loved ones for granted.
Friendships are taken for granted.
Relationships are taken for granted.
Peace is taken for granted.
Justice is taken for granted.
Kindness is taken for granted.

When any of these are taken for granted, problems and unhappiness arises.

So, next time, stop and think, how much the people around us mean to us. Value, appreciate and treasure them before you lose them.

A little appreciation, not only makes the people around us happy, but also strengthens the bond between each other and goes a long way.

I read a story on herworld; “a story which will make you hug your hubby”. Touching.

I would now do a summary.

The couples knew each other at university. They had romantic courtship. They move on into marriage. However, Joe’s (changed name) marriage ended in about 13 years.

“No more morning kisses, no more sending off her to work, no more quarrels nor fights and no more bedroom wrestle.”

At this moment of time, in the process of reading the article, you may be thinking that Joe had been unfaithful and swayed. However, let’s move on.

Before they got married, they got an agreement list. Whereby each party states the like and dislike of the other. On the lady’s side, she had a long list. However, joe only had one; “I want to grow old with you”. It didn’t turn out to be a lifetime but 13 years.

The happily married couple had 3 children and Joe always have his family day with his family weekly.

He was contracted with diabetes in his twenties. Doctor says he’ll have his honeymoon for the 10 years. There after, his body will start breaking down. They didn’t believe this as one of their uncle or friend if I’m not wrong, live pass 70 even when contracted with diabetes at a very young age.

On this tragic day, his wife couldn’t contact his husband. It was a Sunday. As usual, he cooked breakfast and proceed on to wash and polish his car before the family outing. His wife’s worry was he might have fainted from low sugar levels caused by his diabetes.

Then, police came knocking on the door to seek for identification of body. Her wife’s hope was it wasn’t her husband and it was a mistake. She saw his lifeless body on the ground. Their whole life together flashed in her mind; their moments of intimacy, fights, laughter… everything.

Most importantly, she still remains very faithful.

“I may miss all the things we used to do together, but that don’t mean that I am looking forward to doing all that with someone else. I want a man but not just any man. I want only the one I lost, so I don’t think remarrying is an option for me.”

“My children need a father but nobody can fill the gap but Joe. No one can be as good a father to them than the one they have lost. I will have to be both mother and father to them and if that means having to spend all my waking hours.”

Firm and a strong with determination and persistence.

To read more, get the magazine. I would say it’s worth reading. As relating to the gift card, value and appreciate.

Few days back, I paid my visit to the temple. It was my grandmother’s first birthday after her death. The urge of turning back the time comes back again. When the mission is so impossible and yet you want to do it so much, it’s heart wrenching. Feel it.

Sudden death is a fact which is hard to accept. It’s not easy. Without thinking about the person’s death in your daily life, the presence still seems to linger around. No doubt, it’s very painful.

Here’s a message which I want to put across to those who have pass by; No matter how much time you spend with your loves ones and precious friends around you, it’s never enough.

In our life that god has given to us, it’s not about our academic, career and time worshipping him/ her and etc. It’s about us, spending quality time with the people around us. Time is never enough no matter how much you have spent. When a sudden change takes place, you’ll feel it.

Value and appreciate. It’s never too late. I love you, my friends, my family, my dearest.

Previous Entry was better than this, but due to technical problems I hope I still could bring you my perception.

Criticisms are meant to be given, but give it constructively. For my say, do it professionally. Every one has the right to comment on something and somebody, regardless of age. It doesn’t mean only elders have the right to have a say. It’s undefined and what do you mean by how old.

Can a 70 year old plus still give constructive feedbacks? No, they’ve aged and lack the thinking process and analysis skills. Hence, some jobs are meant to target different age group of people. That’s for YL, do not feel offended. That’s my explanation. As youngsters we should test for credibility of the job’s information.

Anyway, I was shooting ST initially. As bad as I can be, I’m becoming more evil. I do not why, but I wasn’t myself lately. Was it a change or not? People change, some turned more evil, some more vulgar.

Back for PS’s post, the right to criticize it’s not really about whether you’re up for it. “有些人懂得告诉别人他的不是，但却不曾看看自己是否需要任何改进”; while I am having my say about you, I do not need to look into aspects which I need to improve myself. There’s a reason.

Why is this so? Bullshit. No. The can have the “say” on the guy, PROVIDED that the there ain’t any presence of the “say” you said. Naturally, ensure that “你是否有慎重检点了自己的言行举止”. I agree, yet difficult to do so. Hence, what you have condemned mustn’t be what you are.

You do not need to look into other aspects as what you say doesn’t relate to other weakness of yours. The other weakness of yours is for others’ turn to say about you. It’s a go round and round thing. It’s like you shoot others, others can shoot you back when he’s stronger than you in that aspect.

Receive feedbacks professionally. How? You may say cannot la. For the moment, you may “argue” with the person or pursue your rights. It’s all right; you’re explaining. However, do it with right tone to avoid fights.

Undeniable, sometimes you may have the moment of harshness to pick up a fight. It’s ok, just do it. However, at the end of the day, always ask for reasons why. Why does he/ she gave such a comment. Analyze. You’ll always have time for yourself alone. That’s all for here, let’s move on to the next part.

“每个人的存在都含意着恶性竞争”; this applies for the past and school life be it past or present. However overall socially, I would say human’s presence in the current century has the presence of 恶性竞争. Why not? If not why are technologies and market moving so fast? It may seem “良性竞争” on the surface but you never know what’s beneath the still waters. Otherwise, fresh O levels graduates won’t be duped by certain firms.

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Watched “one more chance” with dear and few of my classmates. I would say it’s quite nice. Jack Neo brings me back and forth; about to shed tears and back to laughter. I was on the verge of tears. Beside me was my dearest, whole face wet. Hugx. I wonder if the other few ladies did cried.

Feel the world or the ex-convict. It can be depressing though. They never gave up; persistence, determination and discipline. Give them a chance.

Had badminton with few ex-schoolmates plus classmates. Nice game. I guess my right arm would be aching tomorrow.

What’s next for tomorrow? Dragon Boat: gym training. Each time I feel weaker during training. Not that often la. I wonder if I’m weak or it’s my muscles which can’t recover on time and the intensity gets higher each time.

4 times of training a week, DRP coming and ASc work to be done. DRP will have a start on Tuesday @ 4.30. I’ll be late for DB; with reasons. No guilt.

Sadly, I enjoy 70% of the happenings. But I hope to have time for her. Maybe we’re drifting. I don’t know. Let’s move on.

Think. Some people think and yet they never find a solution to their question. There are actually solutions and some reasons why.

Partly, they’ve something holding them back which they thought to be evil. This may somehow obstruct their thinking. However, you always have the choice of getting yourself back to the right path.

Another case, you’ve not been open enough or you lack the experience. The latter applies to me. Sometimes through experiences, you gain and learn values. By being liberal, you share more and learn more. Being adventurous and bravery to explore you have more experience; you dare to try out in any form of circumstances.

Some “kids” though they maybe good in studies and always want but not seek perfection in academic, they’re lack of something; character (个性). You want and you seek is different.

They, “认为还是不够，好还要更好” and they feel like shit all over. Yes, “力求上进是好的也是必要 but 如已成了要求完美; 只含意了无形中的一种承重负担” and all that’s on their mind isn’t knowledge but marks and ability to be the victor out of others. It becomes a 负担 to make sure all the stuff is in their head (memorization). In short, no actually goal or the goal’s value has been lowered.

I believe in this society that we’re currently living; can’t be like MM who leads the country to independence and later on till now. “平一个人的力量是很难能改变什么的” but with the co-operation of a group of people, something could be done. Don’t feel hopeless. No 绝望. You ain’t facing problems alone. Share it. Always bear in mind, teamwork.

Confrontation may not be a good thing. However there’s only 2 outcome; good or bad. Solve it straight and depending on situations; some friends are meant to let go. Would you want a friend who both of you doesn’t appreciate each other and you try to keep for life?

Sometimes they’re meant to be passer-by for you to learn something from them. For now, you learn and as you proceed on in life, you deal better with human-relationships. You’ll get better no doubt. Don’t keep loose ends deep in your heart, put in punctuation; full-stop. There this goes the friend who ends here in you life.

You need to face it now, the society is too harsh and competitive and you can already get examples from the current environment without moving on to the future. The kind of childhood which people use to have at our stage has gone. You can’t escape for long.

People are maturing faster. You just can’t have the好人脸 in front of all people. If you can’t protect yourself, you’ll be eaten up. Basically, we’re killing each other with motives and see who starts first. It’s a challenge.

I don’t mind getting stab once, but you’ll get it back double the price. For those who’re nice, you’ll be treated doubly nice. That’s call protect yourself and not harming others at the same time.

That’s all for the crapping. Here’s a update of myself.

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Busy. Darn busy. I’ve got myself into shit. I’m selected for Dragon Boat. I’m in DRP (Research Project), 90 hours to complete, Applied Science School Sub Committee and DB with 4 times a week of training; Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday due to the upcoming race.

I do not know if I’m in the upcoming race, as I did not hand in my passport size photo to Captain for the registration of race. All thanks to AC. I do not know if it was a motive or a moment of forgetfulness. I hope it was the latter.

For the moment he was put into consideration. “So petty ah?” I’m just giving a “curfew”; it’ll be taken off when it’s time. My trust is just given off too easily.

Today’s training was shag at kallang, though while rowing we shout “No Shag!” to keep up the mental strength and moral. Mind over body. Teamwork was great to make the impossible, possible.

Before the set was 1000m warm up row; then, 30 minutes of non-stop rowing followed by 20 minutes. After that were 3 sets of up 40 with the seniors. Pull-ups were increased to 4 sets of 12 and with 20 push-up at each interval after each set.

When I heard my name yesterday, it was to my surprise being in the team. Coach asked me to buck up my pull-up and increase my diet. Am I so small size? I’m already bigger than Raymond and a few others. Ok, I’m trying. Don’t blame me when I’m fat. Anyway, I’m waiting for jersey and the Team Temasek jacket!!!

So touch that my honey waited for me while she was in pain (tummy & err… humph…). She’s being considerate at the improper time! She got nagged by me and her godmother. Haha. She was in tears when she got into the car. She must have felt so terrible. Poor dearest; here’s a big hug.

That’s all for the updates. Ciaoz.

Yup, do not have something good to say then shut it up. However, sometimes people need to vent it out otherwise it creates this psychological problems up there. If accumulated, situations get worse one day. Luckily, there’s this thing call blog for me to have my say. Yes, frank and straight forward. Take it or leave it. Treat it as an advice for the future or hate me.

I find myself changing. Am I? I socialize with almost different kinds of people. I seen many or maybe not as yet, life’s still a long way to go. Yes, the presence of intolerant people irks me. However, I accept the way they are. I can’t expect them to be ideal.

Sometimes it’s just too many which spoils events and the co-operation of the class. While others may be trying to have at least had some bonding for a moment, some others just do it for show for the lecturers’ presence. What an act.

Gossiping and talking back can be seen has a form of virtue. Socially, people do so to avoid confrontation of making relationship worst. Hence, sometimes I do that to avoid any form of a moment of harshness which may lead to other problems.

Gossiping do creates problems. However, give constructive gossips. So as when confronted, you’ll be able to take what you say. Don’t hold back, be frank and straight forward, you gain other’s trust. You’re only being sincere because they meant something deep inside you.

Cool blooded. I’m learning this. However, for those who treat people sincerely, no worries. What’s happening beneath the still waters isn’t my concern. But when relationships are link to me, I would choose to interfere.

Why? Either you solve it or say goodbye to it. Do not leave it there; improve your skills of solving problems. You’ll learn more along the way and you deal better when you start work. Don’t escape from reality. Face it, solve it.

Friends come and go. Good friends are hard to come by, treasure them. Your virtue will be remembered some day when they’ve reach certain stage of maturity. Be observing, there are so many motives in the actions and speech of the majority. Can we have some childhood? I don’t wish to enter the world of adulthood so soon. It’s too complicated.

From the day I lost a friend, I learnt a lot. I gave so much help and yet, hurt. This time round it’s another time; twice. I kept asking myself sometimes, why am I being so good? Why didn’t you dare to be more ruthless?

I think I should. I kept wanting a change but just not up to it. Too sentimental and emotional. Deep down inside, friends are so important. I appreciate quite a number of people in the class; PS, RT, SH, WL, YL and some of the malays be it after or before this event. Many efforts was seen, sarcrifices were made. They're another group of people starting to further shape my life positively. I do hope friends which I made now; we’ll be able to walk through the journey of life.

Finally got rested, another day of boredom. Anyone has lobangs for temp/ part time jobs? Here’s a short part of conversation with one of my classmate over MSN:

It’ll be between ME & FAD.

FAD: Yo alex you ok?

ME: Yup, sorry about the flared yesterday.

FAD: No, it’s ok brother. It’s partly our fault too.

ME: Nahz, not really. Angry about ST & company plus a few others. Not you guys actually.

FAD: I’m ashamed. Your leadership very good you know? Seriously, wish I were like you.

ME: Leaders are not born, they’re made. You can be too. It’s after each experience you became one.

FAD: It’s like you can lead and follow you see. It’s has been hard for you and the ladies for the past 3 days. As an organizer, I shall say you’re responsible.

ME: Leaders are followers too. Everyone play a different form of leader when they’re in a group. I can lead and at the same time a follower because I follow instructions given by a person who is of a higher status than me or of what’s the group’s interest.

ME: Actually I wasn’t the organizer. I’m just a helper. It was Ruben & Sharez.

FAD: You see? Even I thought you were the organizer. You did lots of things w/o complaining.

ME: Nahz, I still flared in the end.

FAD: That’s natural. If I were you, I’ll do that too.

Thanks. Thank you for your appreciation. At least I do feel that what was done was worthwhile after all. These words were a great console. I hope to share this with those who have put in effort for the event.

My hands are still full of the smell of garlic and onions. It's marinated. Phew.

Exams are over and a chalet was organized for tutorial group TD04. Work and work. This is my first time doing so much housework (cooking, washing and etc) for the past 3 days 2 nights. Tired. The minority didn’t play much, neither the ladies. I can clearly record, an hour of pool and 2 hours plus of swimming sessions in total?

Here’s a AAR (After Action Review) of the event:

- Initiation work both ways. Don’t ask people what to do, find what has not been done.
- Be sensitive. Do not boast how much you’ve done. It hasn’t been much.

- A leader is meant to bring positive influence, not negative.
- A leader doesn’t give excuses at all times, set an example. Be constructive.

- A post as a class representative is given the responsibility of bonding the class. He/she should clearly know that he has to do his utmost to get the class together. Naturally, be more participative than any others. He/she should make the impossible, possible.

- Excuses are meant to help you when you really have to get away, not to cheat on others.
- Responsibility is a huge word which contains other characteristics. Set an example.

- Fun atmosphere doesn’t come from organizer. Do not expect organizer to do everything. Come out with something yourself and bring the crowd together.
- Do not think you want fun. For those who were not having, they want fun too. Be understanding. They had 3 days W/O fun. No guilt?

- Do not be a mummy’s boy when you’re in an organization or group. Be automatic, take initiative. Be pro-active. You REPRESENT how much your parents brought you up.
- Academic aspect doesn’t mean everything. Do not have to keep comparing or talking about it. Characters and practical are important too.

- Do not look down on others. Think about how others are looking at you. Do not be hypocritical, it isn’t time. We’re still schooling.
- Do not think highly of yourself. Be humble.

- In such events, organization before self’s interest.
- We don’t seek a change but an improvement.

- Participate and anticipate in such events.
- Do not get pissed nor hate/dislike others before thinking. Ask your conscience.

From the above, I hope I seek an understanding of why I was pissed and fared. For those who’ve got the scolding, sorry; you guys were my last straw. I fared partly because I was really tired. The pots were hard to clean as bottoms were burnt plus looking at people leaving just like that, it irks me.

Not a word of thanks to show any form of appreciation, it made things worst. You just left that way. Things were taken for granted. All that was done didn’t worth anything to you? Be considerate.

You may say, “hey calculative.” That’s the case, come do it and I’ll play the whole day round. When things are cooked, all you knew was to fill your tummy. People who have been busy ate only so much later? Tolerance comes with a limit and everyone has it.

What has been done is done. I just hope to see more efforts put in by less assertive people to make the class a better class. It’s improvement we seek, not an overnight change. Seek a balance in life, being good only academically is NOTHING.

Sorry if you’re despised by me. The amount of intelligence and wealth doesn’t make me look up to you. Think about your character. That’s a substance.

Let me shoot someone here, if you happen to read this, improve yourself. I’ve got to let this out here; I do not wish to disgrace you when I can’t take it one day in the public:

ST, stop being a flirt when you have a girlfriend. I wonder how much securities your girlfriend has. Do not give a helping hand only when teachers’ are around. Stop those acts. Don’t be a hypocrite and make use of others each time.

You’ll get it back in your life. Being academically good isn’t enough. You’re can be a lover, not a good family man for long term; so do not think you’ll be one next time. If you think you’ll be, learn to start the fire.

Stop praising yourself, you aren’t handsome. Do not think you’re amiable, you’re not.

Lastly, you failed as a class representative.

Everything will be forgotten after today. Let’s move on.

Had quite a long day today. Haven’t been blogging due to busy schedule and lecture quizzes. Skipped a few trainings cause of that. Hope they’re alright.

Had Dragon Boat Training today. It was IPPT once more. There are the results:

Pull Up – 9.0
Sit Up – 61

Push Up:
Set 1: 95
Set 2: 99

2.4KM – 11 minutes 10 seconds (Position 24)
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Previous Results:

Pull Up – 6.0
Sit Up – 57

Push Up:
Set 1: 68
Set 2: 79

2.4KM – 11 minutes 07 seconds (Position 11)
________________________________________________________________________

I would consider slight improvement? Except for 2.4KM. Improvement because no muscle aches, and probably due to the Red Bull I drank before the test.

Pace was super fast for 2.4KM. Many of the juniors were motivated by the senior’s record. (they ran before we do). However, I wasn’t enthused. Partly because the weather was too great for a sleep, the Red Bull has ran out in me, not able to run due to pains in the process. I was basically jogging from second half round to the fifth. I didn’t speed up, body just cant take it after the previous test. Haven’t been running for like 2 weeks? Great.

Whether I’ll be in the team isn’t much of my concern for now. Anyway, selection is base on IPPT test, attendance, attitude, rowing tactics. I predict I maybe out due to attendance. It’s difficult to commit 2 times a week and including Sunday burnt. I’m still trying to.

Lastly, congrats to myself that I’m in AS sub-com together with G & SH. My last target is to aim for the president as my days in the community goes on. Previous years have been AS/ BMS ladies and guys. It’s time for a change. VOTE for ME! Haha.

I recall when I used to be a cadet, people told me Malays usually do well and they’re usually the head. Yes, it used to be when I was secondary 1 – 2. However, the trend was broken. I’m not being racist but my target was to break the trend.

This is what i have learnt; Opportunities are given, it depends on how you go about grabbing it. Sometimes people dug their own grave in the process. Some use to do well, but on the way, they decided to take a change which they thought to be a better path. Then, direction of opportunity also changes to look for a better man. Who’s at fault? Blame yourself.

Sorry if the entry has lots of mistake. I'm tired. Night.