consolidated thoughts.
for the past one month, i've learnt a lot from people's experiences and from books. & thanks to MWO Ho, i found the part of me that was lost.
& i just read a new book, "mars & venus starting over" - it's a whole lot of emotion explorations.
some will say:
"u surprise me overtime i see you, you really putting in effort for r/s."
"bingo! you're right about how women are thinking now."
"a guy would never bother to even understand."
"understand about yourself before women." - but i'm learning both.
"when you moved on to marriage, it's about 2 best friends staying together"
some older generations would say "impressive for a young guy to love someone so long."
i guess i'm starting to be a counselor for couples.
but here's the fact, i've never done what's right for the r/s. as selfish as a mars will always be, we'll never understand venus unless we bother to. she has done her very part for me, but i didn't cherish.
things always takes 2 hands to clap at the right frequency.
as for now, let's back track things a little and consolidate my thoughts...
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types of man
there are 2 types of man. mainly, in the progress of building success & a successful man.
Process of building success (Level 1): this man looks for a partner who is willing to go through the ups and downs of his life, being there to support him till the day he become successful.
Successful man (Level 2): Once he has gotten his success or established a certain level of success (w/o a partner all the while), he knows what he wants, and what type of partner he is looking out for.
Man will after all go through these 2 levels.
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r/s WANTS & NEEDS
a year ago when i was working in aviation company, i was exposed to what i WANTED. i did question myself if i was staying on for passion/responsibility/commitment. however, what you WANT & NEED is different. & i manage to answer this myself.
What you WANT lies in your thoughts, and what you NEED lies in your heart. often than not, we do not get what we need in our heart overtime. then, the mind takes over the heart. after sometime, what attracts you are often what you WANT and not getting the needs from the r/s.
however, what you WANT can grow overtime from expectations. has life been too comfortable that expectations evolved and became different/increased?
back to the point, what spark off the attraction is often what you're lacking in your previous/current r/s. if this emotional dilemma isn't resolved, you're only getting into a "r/s danger". after all it's temporary relief & checking in the new checklist you created, when familiarization and routine sets in, it'll fail.
"in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love."
love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.
that was a part of remembering love.
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subconscious vs deception
& recently, i've this new insights to subconscious thoughts. true enough, subconscious thoughts are unknown. if you're able to explain "subconsciously you've been feeling.. subconsciously i think..", then you're just forming a deception over your perception.
subconscious thoughts are unknown. you can't say it yourself. however, it can trigger your action.
i.e. subconsciously you like someone, yet you're in a r/s. this actually forbidden you to explore into the someone you like. however, it may trigger you to break up/losing passion for the r/s overtime or tentatively. this subconsciousness will surfaced the moment after the break up (i.e. starting/trying to interact with the person), it becomes a conscious fact.
however the above scenario can be interlink with the aforementioned about not getting what you NEED and looking for what you WANT.
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no one is perfect. i'm may not be the best, but i'm doing my best.
i've seen and look into the details i missed, and did not bother to understand.
i went through the 4 stages of emotional tour. mainly; fear, sorrow, sadness and anger. & i explored into feeling betrayed, hurt, blame, mistrust n etc. each time, i let the pain grow, each time i allow waves to hit me over and over.
i've got back that sense of peace. & i'm letting go with love & forgiveness..
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as much as i love you & as much as i want to get back, i wouldn't want it now.
feel free to love/date anyone, find what you need.
it's not about "to-get-her", but to be together.
p.s. i love you.
