consolidated thoughts.
for the past one month, i've learnt a lot from people's experiences and from books. & thanks to MWO Ho, i found the part of me that was lost.
& i just read a new book, "mars & venus starting over" - it's a whole lot of emotion explorations.
some will say:
"u surprise me overtime i see you, you really putting in effort for r/s."
"bingo! you're right about how women are thinking now."
"a guy would never bother to even understand."
"understand about yourself before women." - but i'm learning both.
"when you moved on to marriage, it's about 2 best friends staying together"
some older generations would say "impressive for a young guy to love someone so long."
i guess i'm starting to be a counselor for couples.
but here's the fact, i've never done what's right for the r/s. as selfish as a mars will always be, we'll never understand venus unless we bother to. she has done her very part for me, but i didn't cherish.
things always takes 2 hands to clap at the right frequency.
as for now, let's back track things a little and consolidate my thoughts...
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types of man
there are 2 types of man. mainly, in the progress of building success & a successful man.
Process of building success (Level 1): this man looks for a partner who is willing to go through the ups and downs of his life, being there to support him till the day he become successful.
Successful man (Level 2): Once he has gotten his success or established a certain level of success (w/o a partner all the while), he knows what he wants, and what type of partner he is looking out for.
Man will after all go through these 2 levels.
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r/s WANTS & NEEDS
a year ago when i was working in aviation company, i was exposed to what i WANTED. i did question myself if i was staying on for passion/responsibility/commitment. however, what you WANT & NEED is different. & i manage to answer this myself.
What you WANT lies in your thoughts, and what you NEED lies in your heart. often than not, we do not get what we need in our heart overtime. then, the mind takes over the heart. after sometime, what attracts you are often what you WANT and not getting the needs from the r/s.
however, what you WANT can grow overtime from expectations. has life been too comfortable that expectations evolved and became different/increased?
back to the point, what spark off the attraction is often what you're lacking in your previous/current r/s. if this emotional dilemma isn't resolved, you're only getting into a "r/s danger". after all it's temporary relief & checking in the new checklist you created, when familiarization and routine sets in, it'll fail.
"in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love."
love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.
that was a part of remembering love.
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subconscious vs deception
& recently, i've this new insights to subconscious thoughts. true enough, subconscious thoughts are unknown. if you're able to explain "subconsciously you've been feeling.. subconsciously i think..", then you're just forming a deception over your perception.
subconscious thoughts are unknown. you can't say it yourself. however, it can trigger your action.
i.e. subconsciously you like someone, yet you're in a r/s. this actually forbidden you to explore into the someone you like. however, it may trigger you to break up/losing passion for the r/s overtime or tentatively. this subconsciousness will surfaced the moment after the break up (i.e. starting/trying to interact with the person), it becomes a conscious fact.
however the above scenario can be interlink with the aforementioned about not getting what you NEED and looking for what you WANT.
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no one is perfect. i'm may not be the best, but i'm doing my best.
i've seen and look into the details i missed, and did not bother to understand.
i went through the 4 stages of emotional tour. mainly; fear, sorrow, sadness and anger. & i explored into feeling betrayed, hurt, blame, mistrust n etc. each time, i let the pain grow, each time i allow waves to hit me over and over.
i've got back that sense of peace. & i'm letting go with love & forgiveness..
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as much as i love you & as much as i want to get back, i wouldn't want it now.
feel free to love/date anyone, find what you need.
it's not about "to-get-her", but to be together.
p.s. i love you.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
appreciated.
bumped into one of my ex-colleague yesterday. we had a short chat.
he thanked me for doing the right thing, to an extent of probably tarnishing my reputation and relationship with people.
at least he appreciates and thanked me. & unknowingly, i received some good comments from others which i didn't expect.
he told me that i should have stay on and make changes with Boss. right now everything changed, and that people are doing what's right. still, there's one thing yet to change within themselves. as i believe, people will all grow to be a better man.
there're always people who likes you and dislikes you, but i guess it's all passing phase.
afterall, when we work we meant to solve problems.
did i regret the change to a "less welfare" place? i don't. at least for now, i made good colleagues/ friends. in life, you often gain some loose some. but ultimately, you got to know what you want.
i learn this phrase as well, "do you get things right or do what's right?" i guess i belong to the latter.
for things i clearly want, my decisions were never a regret. time will give u an answer. and i found the answer from what i kept 1 year plus back.
it was exactly the same. but this time, it was portrayed differently.
sometimes you may have the opportunity, but you lack the capability to work things out/ to thrive/ to grab.
but when you start to realize your capability, all you need is opportunity.
i know what you're working for. =)
bumped into one of my ex-colleague yesterday. we had a short chat.
he thanked me for doing the right thing, to an extent of probably tarnishing my reputation and relationship with people.
at least he appreciates and thanked me. & unknowingly, i received some good comments from others which i didn't expect.
he told me that i should have stay on and make changes with Boss. right now everything changed, and that people are doing what's right. still, there's one thing yet to change within themselves. as i believe, people will all grow to be a better man.
there're always people who likes you and dislikes you, but i guess it's all passing phase.
afterall, when we work we meant to solve problems.
did i regret the change to a "less welfare" place? i don't. at least for now, i made good colleagues/ friends. in life, you often gain some loose some. but ultimately, you got to know what you want.
i learn this phrase as well, "do you get things right or do what's right?" i guess i belong to the latter.
for things i clearly want, my decisions were never a regret. time will give u an answer. and i found the answer from what i kept 1 year plus back.
it was exactly the same. but this time, it was portrayed differently.
sometimes you may have the opportunity, but you lack the capability to work things out/ to thrive/ to grab.
but when you start to realize your capability, all you need is opportunity.
i know what you're working for. =)
Monday, September 21, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
the ugly truth.
a great comedy/romance movie i would say. many insights as what i've read, and of course the many new ones which surfaced. i would definitely love to quote some out from the show, however i couldn't remember them exactly. probably when got to catch the 2nd time.
but some rough quotes here & cross references from the book i read..
- women wants man to be like a women, yet this is surely unrealistic. however, just like man, a man wants a woman to be like his guy friends.
- women fantasize about a perfect partner, but it doesn't happen in reality.
- women have their checklist on the ideal partner they want. as i read, this is quite similar to women having point system which is created subconciously in their mind.
probably women just likes to create documents in their mind. =X
the above are some facts which i read and it was clearly displayed in parts of the scene.
an attention from man can often spark of the many emotions in women.
as mentioned, men and women are hardwired differently. we do things the opposite. actually we know, but often than not, we do not accept the opposite.
the movie has shown 2 couples of very different personality coming together at the end. although on the female side, she has tried to find someone similar and close to her requirements (using very much of her thoughts), but it doesn't work out. on the other hand, the man unknowingly love her, for no reason.
the man has embrace this differences, because he is aware and he understood. as for the woman, unknowingly she has understood and embraces this differences between them overtime.
"man loves a woman whom he is successful in loving in"
there is no reason. and true enough, because you JUST do so.
there's one scene in the show as the couple had some passionate dance; brought me back some images which i probably wouldn't have thought of times back.
the ugly truth is, man are definitely lustful. however, a man will only really love one who he truly does (and of course successful in loving).
this brings me back to a point which was shared by others; our partner consist of 80% of what we need. 20% goes to what we really want. however, if you think about the love that has gradually accumulated over time, and the storms that you've went through. it just adds up to 100% what you really need.
the 20% of what you want are just your fantasies.
-
i got a sweet dreams last night. and yea, i hate waking up from sweet dreams.
perception between the generations seems to have drifted a little.
spoils mood.
x.x
a great comedy/romance movie i would say. many insights as what i've read, and of course the many new ones which surfaced. i would definitely love to quote some out from the show, however i couldn't remember them exactly. probably when got to catch the 2nd time.
but some rough quotes here & cross references from the book i read..
- women wants man to be like a women, yet this is surely unrealistic. however, just like man, a man wants a woman to be like his guy friends.
- women fantasize about a perfect partner, but it doesn't happen in reality.
- women have their checklist on the ideal partner they want. as i read, this is quite similar to women having point system which is created subconciously in their mind.
probably women just likes to create documents in their mind. =X
the above are some facts which i read and it was clearly displayed in parts of the scene.
an attention from man can often spark of the many emotions in women.
as mentioned, men and women are hardwired differently. we do things the opposite. actually we know, but often than not, we do not accept the opposite.
the movie has shown 2 couples of very different personality coming together at the end. although on the female side, she has tried to find someone similar and close to her requirements (using very much of her thoughts), but it doesn't work out. on the other hand, the man unknowingly love her, for no reason.
the man has embrace this differences, because he is aware and he understood. as for the woman, unknowingly she has understood and embraces this differences between them overtime.
"man loves a woman whom he is successful in loving in"
there is no reason. and true enough, because you JUST do so.
there's one scene in the show as the couple had some passionate dance; brought me back some images which i probably wouldn't have thought of times back.
the ugly truth is, man are definitely lustful. however, a man will only really love one who he truly does (and of course successful in loving).
this brings me back to a point which was shared by others; our partner consist of 80% of what we need. 20% goes to what we really want. however, if you think about the love that has gradually accumulated over time, and the storms that you've went through. it just adds up to 100% what you really need.
the 20% of what you want are just your fantasies.
-
i got a sweet dreams last night. and yea, i hate waking up from sweet dreams.
perception between the generations seems to have drifted a little.
spoils mood.
x.x
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone.
'many women today are under so much stress that they are simply unable to feel their needs. under stress, women tend to reach out and feel the needs of others rather than their own. with a little time and exploration, these strong and independent women discover and admit to a variety of needs, most commonly:
- she needs a man for romantic companionship
- she needs a man to be faithful
- she needs a man for simple companionship. she doesn't want to come home to a big, beautiful, empty house or apartment
- she needs a man around because she feels safer - two people are twice as good as one
- she needs to have a partner to share fun times with
- she need a partner to share with who cares about her well-being
- she needs a partner to share responsibilities of caring for the nest
- she needs a partner to fix things
- she needs a partner's support to feel really great
the truth is, women today need men more than ever. they need man in different ways. men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with the new stresses of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available. with greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. with more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide.'
-
sometimes, love reach a stage where u love his/her everything unknowingly, yet you didn't ever realize. & people around you cried for this love, as they care for this love.
it's like a sudden lost of a very close beloved member of the family.
those who sees, they care.
'many women today are under so much stress that they are simply unable to feel their needs. under stress, women tend to reach out and feel the needs of others rather than their own. with a little time and exploration, these strong and independent women discover and admit to a variety of needs, most commonly:
- she needs a man for romantic companionship
- she needs a man to be faithful
- she needs a man for simple companionship. she doesn't want to come home to a big, beautiful, empty house or apartment
- she needs a man around because she feels safer - two people are twice as good as one
- she needs to have a partner to share fun times with
- she need a partner to share with who cares about her well-being
- she needs a partner to share responsibilities of caring for the nest
- she needs a partner to fix things
- she needs a partner's support to feel really great
the truth is, women today need men more than ever. they need man in different ways. men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with the new stresses of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available. with greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. with more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide.'
-
sometimes, love reach a stage where u love his/her everything unknowingly, yet you didn't ever realize. & people around you cried for this love, as they care for this love.
it's like a sudden lost of a very close beloved member of the family.
those who sees, they care.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Found the song lyrics.
Today 883 just filled with so much good songs and this was one of it.
hmm..
刘力扬 - 寂寞光年
是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己判刑
忘了我也值得被关心
一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了，快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重
漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球
还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由
this song lyrics really long, but it's not very repetitive.
today just damn sian, probably cause of the rain.
hmm..
u r.
Today 883 just filled with so much good songs and this was one of it.
hmm..
刘力扬 - 寂寞光年
是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己判刑
忘了我也值得被关心
一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了，快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊
漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫
漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重
漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球
还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由
this song lyrics really long, but it's not very repetitive.
today just damn sian, probably cause of the rain.
hmm..
u r.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
hormones are from heaven
'at the start of the relationship, a man will get excited and motivated by the challenge of winning a woman's affection. the challengeautomatically stimulates the production of testosterone, the hormone from mars that contributes to a man's sense of power and well-being. when his testosterone levels are at normal levels, he is pumped and is more attentive and attracted to his partner.
as routine sets in over time, and the challenge in the relationship decreases, his testosterone levels decrease. when this happens, the honeymoon is over, and a man looks to stimulate higher levels of testosterone. work outside the home provide new challenges to capture a man's interest and raise his testosterone levels.
overtime, as reality sets in and her expectations are not always satisfied, she no longer assumes that all her needs will be met. the resulting decrease in hope, trust, and optimism will affect her oxytocin levels. her daily routine loses some of its magic. she attempts to bring back the magic by giving more to their relationship, but when her attempts are not reciprocated, she eventually loses the glow, along with motivation to give more.'
with increasing number of people not understanding the differences between man and woman, we'll never get things right.
i can feel..
i do. =)
'at the start of the relationship, a man will get excited and motivated by the challenge of winning a woman's affection. the challengeautomatically stimulates the production of testosterone, the hormone from mars that contributes to a man's sense of power and well-being. when his testosterone levels are at normal levels, he is pumped and is more attentive and attracted to his partner.
as routine sets in over time, and the challenge in the relationship decreases, his testosterone levels decrease. when this happens, the honeymoon is over, and a man looks to stimulate higher levels of testosterone. work outside the home provide new challenges to capture a man's interest and raise his testosterone levels.
overtime, as reality sets in and her expectations are not always satisfied, she no longer assumes that all her needs will be met. the resulting decrease in hope, trust, and optimism will affect her oxytocin levels. her daily routine loses some of its magic. she attempts to bring back the magic by giving more to their relationship, but when her attempts are not reciprocated, she eventually loses the glow, along with motivation to give more.'
with increasing number of people not understanding the differences between man and woman, we'll never get things right.
i can feel..
i do. =)
support seeking.
'man love projects. projects are specific. they have a beginning and an end. he can determine what he is going to do, how he is going to do it, and most important, when he is going to do it. men will often do what they consider is most important first. ask for a man's support in specific instead of general terms.
even if he is tired, a project with a definite end point or solution will give him extra energy, particularly if a woman's tone of voice or facial expression while making the request indicates that she will appreciate the result of his actions. when he does something to help her rather than because she expects or thinks he should do it, he then feels closer to her and is more willing to help her out in the future.'
had 1x fun yesterday with J, & we had spend a long night together. afterall those who truly understands me are people who have spent very short times with me in parts of my life. surprisely, they turn out to be the hidden supporters, watching my growth through the years.
as far as i know..
it's..
you know.
FLY!!!
'man love projects. projects are specific. they have a beginning and an end. he can determine what he is going to do, how he is going to do it, and most important, when he is going to do it. men will often do what they consider is most important first. ask for a man's support in specific instead of general terms.
even if he is tired, a project with a definite end point or solution will give him extra energy, particularly if a woman's tone of voice or facial expression while making the request indicates that she will appreciate the result of his actions. when he does something to help her rather than because she expects or thinks he should do it, he then feels closer to her and is more willing to help her out in the future.'
had 1x fun yesterday with J, & we had spend a long night together. afterall those who truly understands me are people who have spent very short times with me in parts of my life. surprisely, they turn out to be the hidden supporters, watching my growth through the years.
as far as i know..
it's..
you know.
FLY!!!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
behaviors
'when men and women are insecure, they have equal tendency to use strong emotional outbursts or the silent treatment as a way to threaten, shame, or punish their partners. when this is the case, they are using their reactions to control and manipulate rather than release their stress.
when a man pulls away to cope with his own stress, a woman may chose to punish him by pulling away when he comes back. she may develop the testosterone tendency of pulling away. unfortunately, her spiteful behavior does not support either partner.
punishing our partners by withholding our love may work in the short term, but in the long term it creates fear and mistrust, causing on tension and conflict.
an attitude of "i win you lose" in a relationship is an empty victory. when you love someone, you lose if that person loses. the greatest pain we feel in a relationship comes when we withhold the love in our own hearts.' - denial?
"real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection", it's not about compromising.
as i talked to someone who was much elder than i am today. i am starting to realise & learn the many things between men & women, having many new insights as well. you'll never learn unless you bother to find out.
these few weeks, my pace in life slowed down a little. i start to observe people again. day to day, we laughed, we kept ourselves busy with friends/work/things we like to do, despite the problems we faced from work/school/family/techical problems (i.e my laptop screen flickering, not doing whatever that was suppose to be done to solve the problem). stress? definitely. i come back daily, i am faced with the same laptop problem. i guess it's time to do something about it.
when night falls, it's when we're in our comfortable cave, being ourselves once more, then we think about ourselves, our day and everything. the night just seems so comfortable, to be yourself.
finished with AOH. but currently, i've a few projects on hand. real busy, but i'm brewin' success. i'm ready, and i'm fallin'..
airbone! hah!
用心, 用意, 在意地听.
offs here i come!
'when men and women are insecure, they have equal tendency to use strong emotional outbursts or the silent treatment as a way to threaten, shame, or punish their partners. when this is the case, they are using their reactions to control and manipulate rather than release their stress.
when a man pulls away to cope with his own stress, a woman may chose to punish him by pulling away when he comes back. she may develop the testosterone tendency of pulling away. unfortunately, her spiteful behavior does not support either partner.
punishing our partners by withholding our love may work in the short term, but in the long term it creates fear and mistrust, causing on tension and conflict.
an attitude of "i win you lose" in a relationship is an empty victory. when you love someone, you lose if that person loses. the greatest pain we feel in a relationship comes when we withhold the love in our own hearts.' - denial?
"real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection", it's not about compromising.
as i talked to someone who was much elder than i am today. i am starting to realise & learn the many things between men & women, having many new insights as well. you'll never learn unless you bother to find out.
these few weeks, my pace in life slowed down a little. i start to observe people again. day to day, we laughed, we kept ourselves busy with friends/work/things we like to do, despite the problems we faced from work/school/family/techical problems (i.e my laptop screen flickering, not doing whatever that was suppose to be done to solve the problem). stress? definitely. i come back daily, i am faced with the same laptop problem. i guess it's time to do something about it.
when night falls, it's when we're in our comfortable cave, being ourselves once more, then we think about ourselves, our day and everything. the night just seems so comfortable, to be yourself.
finished with AOH. but currently, i've a few projects on hand. real busy, but i'm brewin' success. i'm ready, and i'm fallin'..
airbone! hah!
用心, 用意, 在意地听.
offs here i come!
Sunday, September 06, 2009
fight/flight response
"when men experience the fight-or-flight response, vasopressin is released into their bodies and enhanced by testosterone. the combination pf vasopressin and testosterone suppresses the production of oxytocin, so it is more difficult for men to calm down. as a result of the suppression of oxytocin production, men do not have the built-in tranquilizer that women have to deal woth stress. in day-to-day activites, women have much higher levels of emotional reaction, but at times of great danger, when men are ready to fight, it is often women who calm things down."
woman's never-ending-to-do list
"the more stress man experiences during the day, the emptier his mind becomes. it is inconceivable to women that a man can quite effortlessly sit and not think about things. this doesn't occur for women, because their muscles don't break down like a man's and rob the brain of amino acids required to think. the more a man feels stressed, the more he needs to recover."
a woman's higher fat-to-muscle ratio enables her body not only to make extra hormones for childbearing but also provide additional energy. by burning fat stored in her extra fat cells, she can produce 20 times more energy than man. this extra energy supports her brain, which never rest, churning away nonstop to create a never-ending-to-do list."
"when men experience the fight-or-flight response, vasopressin is released into their bodies and enhanced by testosterone. the combination pf vasopressin and testosterone suppresses the production of oxytocin, so it is more difficult for men to calm down. as a result of the suppression of oxytocin production, men do not have the built-in tranquilizer that women have to deal woth stress. in day-to-day activites, women have much higher levels of emotional reaction, but at times of great danger, when men are ready to fight, it is often women who calm things down."
woman's never-ending-to-do list
"the more stress man experiences during the day, the emptier his mind becomes. it is inconceivable to women that a man can quite effortlessly sit and not think about things. this doesn't occur for women, because their muscles don't break down like a man's and rob the brain of amino acids required to think. the more a man feels stressed, the more he needs to recover."
a woman's higher fat-to-muscle ratio enables her body not only to make extra hormones for childbearing but also provide additional energy. by burning fat stored in her extra fat cells, she can produce 20 times more energy than man. this extra energy supports her brain, which never rest, churning away nonstop to create a never-ending-to-do list."
Interesting Facts.
"Sexual activity produces testosterone in men, but orgasm releases oxytocin. This calming effects of this hormonal cascade why men often roll over and fall asleep afterward. After sex, a man's testosterone level can drop for a while, which is why a man sometimes feels a need for greater distance immediately after sex.
Men and women react opposite ways after sex on account of their hormones. While a woman's elevated oxytocin levels put her cuddle reflex in high drive, the dynamic of rising oxytocin and falling of testosterone often causes a man to withdraw as his hormones return to normal balance. Understanding and accepting that men sometimes retreat after sex, when women feel the most connected, can help avoid bad feelings."
-End-
watched "i love you, beth cooper". Nice one. i've new insights as i watch such shows with a romance in it, better understanding of emotions/perspectives between men and women.
i miss this.. as i watch.. hmm..
"thank you for loving me", as beth said.
night.
"Sexual activity produces testosterone in men, but orgasm releases oxytocin. This calming effects of this hormonal cascade why men often roll over and fall asleep afterward. After sex, a man's testosterone level can drop for a while, which is why a man sometimes feels a need for greater distance immediately after sex.
Men and women react opposite ways after sex on account of their hormones. While a woman's elevated oxytocin levels put her cuddle reflex in high drive, the dynamic of rising oxytocin and falling of testosterone often causes a man to withdraw as his hormones return to normal balance. Understanding and accepting that men sometimes retreat after sex, when women feel the most connected, can help avoid bad feelings."
-End-
watched "i love you, beth cooper". Nice one. i've new insights as i watch such shows with a romance in it, better understanding of emotions/perspectives between men and women.
i miss this.. as i watch.. hmm..
"thank you for loving me", as beth said.
night.
Friday, September 04, 2009
some sharing once again..
man has to understand this concept very well. loving a woman for life and loving someone just as long as your feel-good hormones can last you. aforementioned, every relationship gradually comes to a passionless stage. it's always you stay on because of the time commitment given overtime which you don't wish for it to go to waste, or otherwise staying due to marriage = responsibility.
however, passion needs to be thrive together as a couple. not one sided. while women may be focusing on thriving on the passion (which they are sensitive enough to feel the loss), she may be giving more. for her, giving more just means she is trying. but this isn't what she needs/ wants to do. she is neglecting herself, her needs. her oxytocin levels jus drops over time, and it'll be empty one day. she needs to fill her oxytocin levels herself, knowing what she needs. subsequently, subconciously as she is giving, she gives points to herself and not to the man. however, even if the man is doing sometghing significant which he feels, she may not be able to appreciate/sees it because her oxytocins levels are just to low to make her realise. high oxytocin levels reduce women's stress, only then she's able to appreciate.
as for man, if he doesn't feel appreciated, her testosterone levels just decreases. his energy level just drops as well. simply because he doesn't feel he is making a difference to her life. a man is happy when he knows he is making a difference to her life and she appreciates.
alright, so much so of some concepts between man and women. definitely, certain ways of communicating needs to be learn as well to avoid any form of heated arguments. ultimately, we love, so why fight?
seriously, i am recommending this book to be read by all women and man. it was out in today's newpaper that it had helped in many relationships which fails. then, we'll understand the many things we never do despite so much effort in figuring out, and we suppose we know. actually, we don't. no more guesses.
i'm embracing the differences, and not accomodating to it. without learning to embrace differences, you'll never get to compromise. subconciously, you're just asking yourself to follow the motion of compromising. it's a big difference.
i once loved a girl, but i am now learning to love a woman. this is time when you discover and learn.
ultimately, are you looking for a relationship which has no passion at the end just because you're married? or are you looking for a partner to share your life with? so now i ask myself, to find a suitable partner? does suitability dependant on similiarities? i guess, the larger the differences you have, the more you'll want to dicover from your partner, the more passion you'll create. it all depends on how you work on it. if u love, you'll never fail to try and discover.
some people told me, "if she loves you, she loves you."
some said, "nothing is more beautiful than the first love you really love for. it was when you actually put in everything you have, no reserve."
good night once again.
oh, something exciting happened today. fun fun fun... hah.
i guess i've shared, enough.
man has to understand this concept very well. loving a woman for life and loving someone just as long as your feel-good hormones can last you. aforementioned, every relationship gradually comes to a passionless stage. it's always you stay on because of the time commitment given overtime which you don't wish for it to go to waste, or otherwise staying due to marriage = responsibility.
however, passion needs to be thrive together as a couple. not one sided. while women may be focusing on thriving on the passion (which they are sensitive enough to feel the loss), she may be giving more. for her, giving more just means she is trying. but this isn't what she needs/ wants to do. she is neglecting herself, her needs. her oxytocin levels jus drops over time, and it'll be empty one day. she needs to fill her oxytocin levels herself, knowing what she needs. subsequently, subconciously as she is giving, she gives points to herself and not to the man. however, even if the man is doing sometghing significant which he feels, she may not be able to appreciate/sees it because her oxytocins levels are just to low to make her realise. high oxytocin levels reduce women's stress, only then she's able to appreciate.
as for man, if he doesn't feel appreciated, her testosterone levels just decreases. his energy level just drops as well. simply because he doesn't feel he is making a difference to her life. a man is happy when he knows he is making a difference to her life and she appreciates.
alright, so much so of some concepts between man and women. definitely, certain ways of communicating needs to be learn as well to avoid any form of heated arguments. ultimately, we love, so why fight?
seriously, i am recommending this book to be read by all women and man. it was out in today's newpaper that it had helped in many relationships which fails. then, we'll understand the many things we never do despite so much effort in figuring out, and we suppose we know. actually, we don't. no more guesses.
i'm embracing the differences, and not accomodating to it. without learning to embrace differences, you'll never get to compromise. subconciously, you're just asking yourself to follow the motion of compromising. it's a big difference.
i once loved a girl, but i am now learning to love a woman. this is time when you discover and learn.
ultimately, are you looking for a relationship which has no passion at the end just because you're married? or are you looking for a partner to share your life with? so now i ask myself, to find a suitable partner? does suitability dependant on similiarities? i guess, the larger the differences you have, the more you'll want to dicover from your partner, the more passion you'll create. it all depends on how you work on it. if u love, you'll never fail to try and discover.
some people told me, "if she loves you, she loves you."
some said, "nothing is more beautiful than the first love you really love for. it was when you actually put in everything you have, no reserve."
good night once again.
oh, something exciting happened today. fun fun fun... hah.
i guess i've shared, enough.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
something to share for the day (from the same book)..
"w/o an understanding of this last difference, a women can feel neglected when a man waits to the last minut to plan time with her or when he doesn't anitcipate her needs. if a woman understand this differences, she is no longer resents needing to ask for support, because she realizes that his brain simply doesn't work the way hers does.." - woman brains are designed to anticipate the emotions, sensitivities and needs of others. men, on the other hand, are more acutely aware of their own needs. Since thousands of years, they need this ability to protect themselves in the wild. on the other hand, a woman's kufe insurance was making sure she cared for others.
a woman's biggest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others.
single Focus on Mars/ Multitasking on Venus
a woman brain has a larger corpus callosum, the bundle of nervs that connects the right and left hemispheres, is 25% smaller in men. This means that men do not connect feelings and thoughts as readily as women do. In real sense, women have superhighways connecting their feelings to speech, while men have back roads with plenty of stop signs. This stronger connection between parts of the brain increases a women's ability to multitask. When she is listening, she is also thinking, remembering, feeling and planning all at the same time.
a man's brain is highly specialized, using a specific part of a single hemisphere to accomplish a task. A woman's brain is more diffuse, using both hemispheres for many tasks. This neurological difference allows men to focus and block out distractions for long periods of time. While women tend to see things ina broader context, from a larger vantage point.
hence, this insight can help a woman not to take it personally when he is at the computer and seems annoyed when asks him a question. It is simple for her to shift gears when interrupted, but it is much more difficult for him.
i'm finishing the book soon. each day i start to understand myself and women more, and as i read i realise the many things that actually did happened over time. How complex can thoughts and emotions be? Only if you care to find out the differences and increase your awareness.
differences create attraction and passion, and we are.
understanding will be tough, just like chemical structures, it's meant to be that way.
we need to know, then to communicate, and to cross the hurdle. otherwise, every relationship will just fail the way it is as time passes, be it before or after marriage.
good night.
"w/o an understanding of this last difference, a women can feel neglected when a man waits to the last minut to plan time with her or when he doesn't anitcipate her needs. if a woman understand this differences, she is no longer resents needing to ask for support, because she realizes that his brain simply doesn't work the way hers does.." - woman brains are designed to anticipate the emotions, sensitivities and needs of others. men, on the other hand, are more acutely aware of their own needs. Since thousands of years, they need this ability to protect themselves in the wild. on the other hand, a woman's kufe insurance was making sure she cared for others.
a woman's biggest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others.
single Focus on Mars/ Multitasking on Venus
a woman brain has a larger corpus callosum, the bundle of nervs that connects the right and left hemispheres, is 25% smaller in men. This means that men do not connect feelings and thoughts as readily as women do. In real sense, women have superhighways connecting their feelings to speech, while men have back roads with plenty of stop signs. This stronger connection between parts of the brain increases a women's ability to multitask. When she is listening, she is also thinking, remembering, feeling and planning all at the same time.
a man's brain is highly specialized, using a specific part of a single hemisphere to accomplish a task. A woman's brain is more diffuse, using both hemispheres for many tasks. This neurological difference allows men to focus and block out distractions for long periods of time. While women tend to see things ina broader context, from a larger vantage point.
hence, this insight can help a woman not to take it personally when he is at the computer and seems annoyed when asks him a question. It is simple for her to shift gears when interrupted, but it is much more difficult for him.
i'm finishing the book soon. each day i start to understand myself and women more, and as i read i realise the many things that actually did happened over time. How complex can thoughts and emotions be? Only if you care to find out the differences and increase your awareness.
differences create attraction and passion, and we are.
understanding will be tough, just like chemical structures, it's meant to be that way.
we need to know, then to communicate, and to cross the hurdle. otherwise, every relationship will just fail the way it is as time passes, be it before or after marriage.
good night.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
as i read, i understood. every relationship is meant to be, and there'll always be a stage where things happen. be it marriage, or long dating couples. it's natural, from differences in perceptions, emotions, environment and to biochemistry. it explains all the answers i've been looking for.
you don't have to exactly understand the difference (because biologically we're made different), but you need to be aware of the difference, then we can thrive and not trying survive/sustain relationships.
so here are some interesting extracts i picked up from "Why Mars & Venus Collide":
"i remember when this idea became very clear to me about 6 years into my own marriage with my wife, bonnie. after some particularly great lovemaking, i commented, 'this was as good as it was in the beginning.'
her response taught me something important. she said that making love that night was actually better than in the beginning, because, as she explained, 'in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love.' - love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.
"though men and women are similiar, when it comes to stress, they are different. with increasing stress, these differences are intensified. instead of facing life's challenges and growing together in love, many couples drift apart to a comfortable but passionless distance, or are ripped apart by feelings of resentment, confusion, and mistrust.."
"once newness of love wears off, familiarity and routine set in. feel-good hormone levels begin to drop, and stress level begin to rise. it is as if love gives us about 3 years pf blissful hormones for free, but after the honeymoon period is over, we have to earn them." - this was later explained with a series of biochemistry which in turn was stresses we face from reality. every relationship eventually, will end up till this date.
as i believe, it is complex. but research has proven WHY.
now then, i'm searching for the root of problems. it's never too late, because i understood.
you don't have to exactly understand the difference (because biologically we're made different), but you need to be aware of the difference, then we can thrive and not trying survive/sustain relationships.
so here are some interesting extracts i picked up from "Why Mars & Venus Collide":
"i remember when this idea became very clear to me about 6 years into my own marriage with my wife, bonnie. after some particularly great lovemaking, i commented, 'this was as good as it was in the beginning.'
her response taught me something important. she said that making love that night was actually better than in the beginning, because, as she explained, 'in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love.' - love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.
"though men and women are similiar, when it comes to stress, they are different. with increasing stress, these differences are intensified. instead of facing life's challenges and growing together in love, many couples drift apart to a comfortable but passionless distance, or are ripped apart by feelings of resentment, confusion, and mistrust.."
"once newness of love wears off, familiarity and routine set in. feel-good hormone levels begin to drop, and stress level begin to rise. it is as if love gives us about 3 years pf blissful hormones for free, but after the honeymoon period is over, we have to earn them." - this was later explained with a series of biochemistry which in turn was stresses we face from reality. every relationship eventually, will end up till this date.
as i believe, it is complex. but research has proven WHY.
now then, i'm searching for the root of problems. it's never too late, because i understood.
as i was out today, came across a CD shop which plays this old song.
Martina McBride - My Valentine
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
La da da
Da da da da
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
Martina McBride - My Valentine
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
La da da
Da da da da
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
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