心墙

Beyonce: Ava Maria

She was lost in so many different ways
Out in the darkness with no guide
I know the cost of a losing hand
But there by the grace of God go I

I found heaven on earth
You were my last, my first
And then here this voice inside
Ave maria

I’ve been alone
When i’m surrounded by friends
How could the silence be so loud
But i still go on knowing that i’ve got you
There’s us when the lights go down

You are my heaven on earth
You are my hunger, my thirst
I always hear this voice inside
Singing ave maria

Sometimes love can come and pass you by
While your busy making plans
Suddenly hit you and then you realize
It’s out of your hands, baby you got to understand

You are my heaven on earth
You are my last, my first
And then i hear this voice inside
Ave maria
Ave maria
Ave maria

let's keep up some excitements.

hope it'll all turn out good! x)

thanks L for your comment in my previous post.

appreciate it.

no worries. i'm moving well. =]

sometimes.

sometimes it feels that whatever that was built was torn apart

life doesn't seem to be as beautiful as it was

building starts from scratch.

sometimes we only remember what's not done

we didn't cherish nor chose remember what has been done for us

it's our choice

a choice to be crude or don't, yet we find no reason in doing so

humanity.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps after all, you couldn't treat me as a friend

because a friend isn't treated that way

and i know you're trying hard

because you left yourself with unresolved feelings

unspoken.

as for me, i'm done.



the one i love has gone with time

today is the day i've stopped loving you

because you're no longer the one i love



i hope you find yourself

someday i would love to love the one i use to know once again



i appreciate friends whom had been by my side all these while, hearing me.

thanks alot.

i understand that it can it quite irritating because i took a really long time, because i was left hanging.

太爱了
所以我..

我放手 我让座
谁懂我多么不舍得..


-the end-


就让一切重新开始..

denial & change.

people change. because of pain/stress/hurt/environment they change.

reality force changes

change us

they forgot themselves

they start to live in denial

they start to deny their needs

then we start lying to ourselves

and everyone around us

they stopped communicating with their heart

losing humanity to ourselves

they forgot how they use to be

they forgot what they wanted

they do not understand r/s

nor do they bother to find out and understand

everyone start losing track

they start living virtually in reality

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

people do not appreciate your honesty

even the ones you love

values, beliefs which i had faith in

are against what i observed

somethings can never be replace no matter how hard you try to



hope they stop smoking

god bless you with good health





read some of the posts in 2007.

everything seems so beautiful back then.

雨天

现在窗外面又开始下着雨
太多的情绪没适当的表情..

mess.

complex. mixed.

all inside.

so much to do, yet i do not know why i've got this feeling of...

life's full of choices.

yet, there's no right or wrong.

follow your heart or use your brains?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

realized the growth of 3 white hair today. managed to pluck one.

and i think there's more. =.=

when will this growth stop?

am i thinking too much?

Xiao Jing Teng's version of Xing Bu Liao Qing really sing out the mood of the lyrics compared to the old version. At least that's how I feel.

night.

cold monday.

the day makes me feel so lethargic. so i spent abt 1.5 hrs in total today in 2 banks. it was a long queue... waste of my time.

carrying stacks of cash in bag was my 1st time, huge amount that i didn't imagine. it shall not happen again. better try to link up all my i-banking stuff. so, don't hope to rob me. =.=

settled the transactions and some paper work.

seems like things are kicking up with a good start.

hope to settle all the necessary, before i leave.

good night.

great Saturday night!

alright, i guess my post yesterday was a dumb one. perhaps just for that moment, i was feeling it this way. or perhaps, Friday night wasn't so enjoyable.

Had a good time at Wala Wala yesterday after attending SH's birthday at NSRCC. Cabbing is the way to go man. LOL. save time, less troubles. after some networking session with a taxi uncle who drove Mercedes, we exchanged numbers. he's probably gonna be my personal chauffeur for times when i need a cab, at no extra charges. how great is that?

feels good to meet up people whom i've not seen for a long time, most of them are my course mates. had a little catch up with my classmates as well.

there after i was really lucky to catch a cab inside NSRCC without the need to walk out or call a cab.

Rush to Tanah Merah MRT to pick J up, but had to change cab as uncle can't head to the west.

Holland V is just UP at night.

the place was so packed! that you probably can't imagine for a pub to be? but the cosiness of people brought out the whole atmosphere. and ambiance was great!

it feels like old school. like those western movie, where the college boys and girls would be hanging out in their mess, and having a mini concert.

the songs played were not very well known, as the genre was towards UK/US pop. probably to hype up a Saturday night.

surely, you'll be very much impress with the band, the singer cum guitarist, drummer, violinist, organist. i would say it's much better than Hard Rock, though the songs and food at Hard Rock would probably be much more enjoyable.

you could catch the band at balaclava as well. but i guess wala wala is a much cheaper place to chill compared to balaclava.

shall try next time on Friday, with a different band.

so at the last segment, many decided to make dedications.

and so did i.

starlight, always be my baby and viva la vida were very well played compared to my experience at Acid Bar. probably because of the presence of drums & organs.

this time, i would say they have nice fried chicken wings!

so with some sapporro, corona, fries, chicken wings & the band, it's just GOOD.

my phone contacts now are filled restaurants/pubs/bars/cafe and not forgetting my personal chauffeur!

coming weeks are kinda queued with programs. hmm..

i guess i should seriously stop liquors! esp. scotch whiskey. =.=

and perhaps more pubbing sessions. =]

*yawnz*

a day to "nua" at home after all the late nights the past few days.

蕭敬騰：新不了情

for the day

he is expressing his anger & his feelings. the following isn't meant to hurt/offend anybody.

when you know, whatever that were said were lies & excuses.

when you know that no matter how hard you tried, people doesn't reciprocate.

when people do not respect you much less a being.

because an animal doesn't even wait for more than 24 hours for his food, much less a friend.

be it excuses, they are as good as lies.

you've got your pride, it doesn't need to be stepped on.

you don't deserve it because everyone tells you that "you did your best and you've done your part".

because ALEX LEE is never dumb, he is equipped with relevant knowledge, and a little smartness you never know for those who knows me for "god-mind-you" years.

my research & IT/web skills are never very lousy. my cross referencing of sources i have are never as shit as well.

and so, i'm not saying i'm a professional here.

Never lie or give any form of excuses with your eyes WIDE OPEN.



and so i seek forgiveness, and you kind understanding of how i am probably feeling.

thanks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

perhaps only when near death, people then realize their hidden love and affection.

what's humanity? when are you going to start living?

it's time.

if that's happiness to you, carry on.

i'm not your game.

fulfillment.

had a good time out with the NSmen the past few days. seriously expanding my network and checking out the market trend.

i would say it's a satisfying week.

did a number of dressings out in the field. from as small as blisters, massive bites, deep cut on the tibia area (bleeding profusely =.=), and abrasions on back. you can never imagine how disgusted an abrasion back would look like. i'm seriously satisfied with the dressings i did, and i could feel the appreciation i received from the older adults.

probably that's the reason why i am good at wrapping up presents?

heard many stories shared by the NSmen as well. perhaps it's due to the generation gap? or perhaps i've yet to reach the age of 27.

some had partners 3-4 years, and they ain't have any intentions for marriage. one feel bored and on the verge of making this decision to break. some had partners, married, yet they play like nobody's business behind back doors. and it's quite surprising, because they really look superb decent. my initial conversations with them never seem to test out any form of indecency. =.=

because we reached contentment and we're looking for more? forgotten love?

perhaps real love doesn't exist Alex, or in this reality? where you really do hope that the one you held your hands with, would be the one who you would walk till the end with you.

and perhaps, honesty doesn't matter to people. do they? or should i say people no longer has conscience?

they lie. they lie because their mind say so and worse of all, they lie to themselves.

people are living in denial for decisions they made in life. many a times, these decisions ain't what their heart are telling them. they were all made because their mind say so; forced by the change in reality of our changing life.

we're not connecting to our heart, are we?

EL told me this today:

beauty lies in the imperfections.

so i continued and said so we need to embrace the imperfections.

i embraced totally.

but how many people could embrace the other's party imperfection easily, in order to live together?

it's difficult, it's tough.

alright, Davidoff's Hot Water for tonight!

復刻回憶



你还好吗好久不见 又来这里这个老店
后来的你喜欢了谁 我们聊聊天
现在的你一样美丽 至於爱情是个回忆
她不爱我他离开你 爱会来就会去

在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你 要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你

窗外的树爱哭的风 烦恼的我聪明的你
爱是什么什么人懂 所以别难过
心还痛吗请忘了吧 所谓幸福是个童话
后来的我一切随意 所以没关系

在不同的城市努力 偶尔也会想想你
这样的我那样的你 要很久才相聚
我们都没说那遥远的曾经 我们也没提故事的原因
青春的复刻回忆像一片云 没法子抓在手里
我们的眼泪在复习着过去 我们的微笑是彼此的氧气
复刻的回忆是封挂号信 多远都可以找到你

午后的闷热的窗外的一场大雨 让我们看见了以前的自己
把时光倒转回那一季 那年的梦他乡的你

chill max-ed: wonderful saturday!

watched my sister's keeper with G.

& she teared.

not as touching as i expected, or maybe i'm not connecting enough?

or maybe i've gotten rid of emotions?

i was on the verge which gives me the sian feeling.

acid bar was good. a total of 3 different band played through the night.

my dedication that was made, was played as well. like FINALLY. =]

previously when i go to bars, my dedications were never successfully made.

perhaps this time i didn't chose an old school song.

this was the first time i could sit in a bar for so long.

they've got nice wedges!

G & I just sat there, appreciating musics/wedges/beers, talk cock.

& we ended up a little drunk.

nice place to really chill.



i should seriously STOP drinking & spurging tentatively at least for the next 2 weeks. =.=

Alex needs to be a little more discipline.

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i'm in an endangering case.

i've a total of 6 white hair. plucked 3.

i've been pucking white hair weekly. everyday i'll spot at least 2.

it's growing more than i expected compared to when i was studying my 'O' levels and during my poly days.

i think soon enough, my hair will all turn white.

haiss.

Nice Quotes.

Someone asked me, "Why do you keep loving someone who doesn't love you back? There are tons of fish in the water." I simply replied, "Just because it's also water, would you drink from the sea?"

"No matter how crazy and funny the scenes around you are, they are useless without the person you want to laugh with.."



Alright, i'm out!

haha.

everyone tells me, "i believe you'll find a better one".

yes. surely, i will or maybe the future would be her again?

but no doubt she was or has always been great too.

just because you truly love, it doesn't mean you have to forget or hate.

remember the little and many things she has done for you, and the many things you have done all together as well.

you chose only the good things.

simple. =]

complete.

cold soup. =.=

browsed through HK cafe, then moved on to coffee club.

ended up at manhattan.

took my time to enjoy the food. =]

i guess this weekend is packed with dates & programmes.

looks good.

at the same time i couldn't seem to stop myself from spurging on the various things and i just kept cabbing like free. arghhz.

money will be rollin' in, no failures. =]

aahhh. good week.

next week gotta be busy, but should be fun.

nice bag. love it.

waiting for my new collection of perfumes from mum!

having GA's attitude, ferragamo & ck's euphoria.

my daviddoff's hot water, givenchy pi neo and ck's gold summer are incoming.

simply obsessed with perfumes now.

next would be my ray ban sunglasses for my trips? AX's jocky cap?

upcoming holidays are all well planned.

some anticipation ahead..! =]

82: 心跳

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳

你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳

好想要回到我们的原点..

blue blue, gloomy gloomy. not so good day, but evening onwards it gets better.

probably it's the weather.

& i guess for most people.

at least for the next 1 week if i am home, i'll be enjoying some form of peace.

sweet.

sian.

i don't wanna work lah. =.=

perhaps most of the time, what we portray is what we think we feel. but we don't really feel that way, do we?

but i know, as for my blog. it's about how i feel and not what i think i feel. perhaps verbally, people would be taking in "what i think" rationally, and may not be what i feel.

your thoughts & emotions just goes the opposite.

afterall, your reactions will display your subconscious thoughts unknowingly.

night night night everybody.

79: 记得

tired. i had been drained out totally these few days, both physically & mentally.

i did my best to clinch my gold, despite the fact that i hadn't train for past 6 months, i was still able to run below 10. it was mind over body. though i was only seconds away from my goal, with some conditioning, i should be able to get it the next round. however, results are considered good.

work related issues are more or less resolved professionally. i'm glad. a planner will always seem unfair, people start getting skeptical with assumptions. but after tabulations, i guess i had done my job with much conscience.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

so just then, as i was searching for my stuff, i saw these 2 pieces of paper which i kept long ago. it was titled "T D-C".

time has been long, expectations grew further when the basics were satisfied, then everything became disappointments.

how do we relate dependency with loneliness? we're all independent people, yet we still paired up and depend on the support given by each another. we both had gave ourselves in different ways. as it was true, we've brought out the best in each other.

my ego has gone with time, with you; from the day i kneel down and told you how much you meant to me.

perhaps loving you wasn't sufficient.

don't ask yourself why we had chosen each other. because there isn't any reason when love happens. it has been a long vacation for us this time, a test of time for the love we shared.

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I know the journey we've walked wasn't easy. The tears we shared, the times we have. It's irreplaceable.

谁还记得爱情开始变化的时候
我和你的眼中 看见了不同的天空
走的太远 终于走到分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个相反的梦

谁还记得 是谁先说永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得当初那些温柔



我依然记得
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后..

great.

i can't sleep. and i didn't slept despite the tiredness inside me.

i hate this feeling.

77.

road seems to be rocky these days. series of problems one after another, and i don't know how i should put it.

i'm tired & sick of everything.

& i feel like breaking down right now.

no one. there's no one.

i hate my emotions. i hate it.

damn it.

troubled day.

73.

finally send my laptop for servicing. hope it comes back well. met J for lunch and we went to this Jap Restaurant which opens only in the noon. How great? & it feels good to chill in central in the hot afternoon, with drinks & desserts. with my partner, our goal is to open a place, just for us to chill & it doesn't matter if it makes money.

likewise, we work on expectations before hitting goals.

this idea struck me. so another project gonna come next, and it requires detailed planning. I tried the other time but failed. however, this time a new platform strikes me and let's hope that leveraging on this platform works.

as i recall, i was so busy with asian youth games/national day/army half marathon. i didn't have the time to settle things down & have a break, though many plans may have been briefed. i didn't have the chance to talk, to kick of plans and get into actions with you. we didn't communicate. perhaps, that's where you felt everything was going nowhere. but yet you didn't gave me the chance to.

have i been that bad?

i didn't regret taking this path with you, and all that i wanted was to walk through this journey of life with you.

perhaps, you no longer love.

perhaps the previous vacations wasn't long enough to make me realize. yet surely, i did my best back then.

now i know what could have been better.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

也许你已经放弃我 也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过 请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我

就算是我不懂 能不能原谅我
请不要把分手 当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口

请你回头
我会陪你一直走到最后

就算没有结果 我也能够承受
我知道你的痛 是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容 沉默是因为包容
如果要走 请你记得我

如果难过 请你忘了以前的我..

"any pain that you feel can never be compared to the regret that comes from walking away from love" - Matthew McConaughey (Conner Mead), from the Ghost of Girlfriend's Past.

I'm not afraid if I've to go through hell, so be it. I've never gotten tired and I'll never do, long before my soul tells me this.

I've never stop fighting.

72.

went blading today at Changi. blading seems to be less taxing to me now although the start was kinda wobbly. it was really relaxing thereafter compared to the last time.

SH taught the 2 newbies the kick start for blading, and so do I gave a little tips. had a fall as well, which supposedly i should have set a record of 0 falls. was holding on to R's hand, guiding her for some distances. when i do not know what happened that she got really unstable? perhaps ZX & GF should have a better look at that behind. they had a good laugh on how "romantic" the fall was. x.x

so while i was "oh! she's going to fall!" then while i was trying to grab hold of the other hand of hers, her hands just went over my shirt? so in a mess, we fall and i became the cushion. inevitably her head got knocked into mine as well.

minor injuries sustained. then, i felt this sense of care which probably in my memories, i was laughed. this sense of hurt probably surges at this moment as i recall.

i remember as you may have fall, i gave that care & concern about your well being. yet, i was treated otherwise. yet, i miss holding your hands, blading with this sense of fulfilling fun & laughter from the heart.

..也许你品没有想像中的那么爱我..

all the memories seems so vivid.

"The right person for us is recognized by our souls, not by our mind." - Mars & Venus Starting Over, Soulmates are not perfect.

you were recognized.

there after i went guiding ZD, he was having a difficult time and even ended being pissed with his brother. =.=.. so i went over to guide him, tried to hold him as well but he was really unstable. but at the end, he progressed well with my guidance. and i felt this sense of satisfaction from teaching again. =)

perhaps i've been through how it feels as a beginner and so i know how to relate the feelings & thoughts into guiding people. like ZD was trying really hard and at his best from what i see, yet without realizing or to find out where his problem lies. he was expecting too much from himself, and so he just kept trying. but all he needs to do was to REMEMBER the basics & prepare himself for falls. subsequently, he needs to know the expectations he could reach so as to lower his stress levels and proceed with things step by step.

i recall how i learnt to swim/blade and etc. you need time to be comfortable with yourself. fiddle with the blade with your legs with small movements like how you're trying to make friends with, then you'll gradually realize the technique to it over time.


Expectations VS Dreams.

setting high expectations is a wrong method of living. you should have high standards of goals/aims/objectives/dreams. yet, each expectations of yours must be within your reach to hit your goal. expectations are "what's the next step/ possible route which i could take to reach my goals?" expectations consist of different levels. just like games.

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回忆的画面依旧清晰可见
就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你

虽然被放弃虽然我愿意
就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你..

as we walk, i held your hands and say, "remember love". i kissed your hands & you kissed mine.



i hate my mind for having this ability to contain so much & it couldn't stop..

69.

after coming back, it seems kinda a little hectic today. wanted to have an off before i go off again, but i was told to conduct medical training lessons. it's my job while i actually tried to post phoned due to hectic schedules, but have to give some face since people are really nice.

so i gave medical training on impromptu basis for all ranks higher than me. they are the Special Ops Force, ranked from minimal 2nd SGT to Captains. =.= Yet, got to act like some instructor, they sat on the floor, listening to me. LOW confidence! it has been so long since i do some teaching roles. subconsciously, the ranking kinda pressed me a little. however, i managed to do it in a guiding way, with some prompting to make them think a little. afterall, we've got to be a practical.

satisfied with my job! =)

went to A&E today again, this time i saw B. she recognizes me as well. had a short chat. health is really important and nothing else. then we could really appreciate the little things in life. see those people in agony makes me feel.. "i don't wanna be in their shoes!" i guess it's inevitable, but definitely we can try to stay healthy, consistently update ourselves on our medical status before things get worse!

at least, at the end of the day we tried, and if it happens, then we carry on fighting whatever we have to, to live.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

一起长大的约定
那样清晰
打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行
是你如今
唯一坚持的任性

一起长大的约定
那样真心
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清
你是友情
还是错过的爱情

心里仿佛已没了难过
但依然存在着思念
思念的不是你我的 习惯
而是你的微笑 你的可爱..

you shot me.




it seems like it was the 1st time, my heart missed a beat.

then i realise.

it wasn't a dream, it was real.

& i can't seem to get tired thinking.

you knocked me down

you revived me.

55.

send a trainee to CGH A&E the day before. A&E is still as busy as usual. was hoping to meet up with people i knew. i loitered around in the A&E with my uniform for a while, then i left with driver to have some nasi lemak from QJ.


interestingly so as i was walking out, there was this lady sitting outside with her mask on, probably about 18~20. she was practically staring at me as i was walking out, which i took 2 glimpses as i was busy checking out my phone to call back to see if my men wish to eat anything.

alright, no doubt she was quite good looking from the overall and her glittering eyes (naturally i took the 2nd glimpse after the 1st) despite surgical mask on her lower part of her face. it was obvious as my driver did noticed as well, (as we turned our direction, she turned) and my driver prompted me to ask for number which i didn't hear, till things were brought up later. (busy on phone remember?) i think guys in uniform tend to get hold of people's attention. of course, i'm not judging myself here. take it as i sincerely said alright, don't even think.

so i went back to try my luck (see my mentor), and i manage to see I. driver & i smoke back into A&E and i went to look for I. gladly, she recognizes me and we got a short catching up. i guess she was shock to see me as well. though, i knew her for only 3 days during my attachment, but it seems like we knew each other for sometime. she was a great mentor indeed.

surprise hear a news yesterday. perhaps frequency just ain't right for people at times.

somehow people drift, and situations included many disappointments. after separated, we all seem happier, and moved on. but are we? so many stories, yet they all have a different outcome.

let's trust and that everything wasn't an excuse.

i guess, people are funny. hence, we've a recent movie on "funny people". it sounded like a comedy, but in fact it tells us how funny or weird people are when facing near death, r/s or towards decisions they make in life.

when there were so many promises made before, why did it fail? failed to remember? seems like everyone is on the queue of this curse.

dinning out seems easy nowadays.

simple, yet a lack of joy.

confused.

i guess i've been thinking a lot these days. it was unlike the past, where i only have thoughts/plans about the future. i became more sensitive towards certain issues for the present, and it triggers thoughts every now and then.

i'm glad that i did manage to communicate over the phone. i guess it has been for a long time and my voice wasn't recognizable.

been to a few places these days, and every place brings back some images. it kind of come to me very naturally.

i wonder about the worthiness of r/s which i had previously doubted. or rather i question about myself now, is there any form of possibility/ is it really no longer feasible?

as mentioned, i can't afford to take on any r/s even if things were to be back. probably i am afraid; i'm afraid of going through the cycles of emotional tour.

people tell me, just go ahead & date. you've got what you have. you tried Ferrari before, why not try a Lamborghini? but the thing is...

i've thought about it way before hand, and i already knew what i wanted..; someone who's really down to earth & whom i can be really be comfortable with, be myself and don't need any masks, appreciates the everything we share, going through the good days & bad days, and lastly to work together for our common dreams.

sometimes, all you could remember are the good memories that were given. someone asked me, "don't you hate ..?" i did, but i don't now. i understood the character, and i forgive. till now, there isn't any form of bad memories that comes to me, but only the good ones. & i could remember how simple things were & how simple we want things to be.

seems like the more you love, the more you may turn out to hate. yet, there isn't any reason why.

i enjoyed the company of my friends these weeks. they had been great. but somehow there's this emptiness, somewhat un-fulfilling. it feels like the happiness or whatever you may enjoyed isn't shared with someone whom you knew close to your heart.

love may sometimes seem to be a burden and so, being able to shrug it off may seem to be really happier. yet, it could be something which makes your everyday more fulfilling. everyone needs the support, the love, the care/concern, & the very little things in which the one you love could do for you and no one else.

love is blind and so were the many sweet happenings which seem to come along like free goodies bags along the way. i couldn't imagine how situations had came till this date. have we allowed situtations to control us? or are we denying and running away more than before?

& so i ask myself again, how is it no longer possible where you think back about those hurdles we went through? had we been just compromising and not been embracing differences? i'm not looking at the timeline, but i'm picking up those or many special times we shared.

this is probably another higher & more difficult hurdle.

i can imagine how love will be like if things were ever to be back, those passion & attention..

but there isn't anything for me to hope for as i no longer seem to understand or tentatively now. i want love to come back to what it use to be, with burning romance.


attended a wedding ceremony at fullerton ytd. it was simple, yet sweet. & it got me recalled those feelings.

Ms. R is looking better than before as compared to the 1st time i see her. perhaps it's true about this phrase; a women who's in love looks prettier compared to when she isn't. things are getting a lil' too sweet for my friends. zzZ. i'm happy for them thou.


& as long as you're happier, i'm contented.


goodbye.

49

heard this songs over 883 today. then i realize, i've never taken note of the lyrics..

改编词:小寒 曲:伍家辉

一人一半感情不散
一人一素故感情才会久
时光累计安静的泪滴
一心去追爱那么可贵

这样的人这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚不计伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉

这样的人别笑我蠢
傻傻的心痛也不觉疼
就算天冷就算残忍
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半(一人一半)感情不散(感情不散)
已经找到爱为何要离开

时光累计(时光累计)安静的泪滴(安静的泪滴)
一心去追爱那么可贵(爱那么可贵)

这样的人这样地等
无非是等个回应眼神
为爱翻滚不计伤痕
甘心为你一生都浮沉

这样的人别笑我蠢
傻傻的心痛也不觉疼
就算天冷就算残忍
等你想起这没用的人

一人一半感情不散
已经找到爱为何要离开
已经找到爱为何先离开

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

how do you differentiate people who appreciate the superficiality & simplicity?

when we can't differentiate, it's probably disappointments we'll always face.

i guess most locals are lacking this character asset. probably only
childhood friends whom we knew back then till now, allows us to differentiate the fact.


probably people are generally categorized as such:

when you have nothing, you have the friends you always have. however, when you have something (power/status/wealth), you're probably attracting people who leverages on you.

this brings me back to what i learned from Mr. R, having wealth is not enough. this doesn't provide opportunities for cash flow. you need to be powerful & established, that's where you automatically create the opportunities for growth of wealth.

people who are successful look for people who has a character/ways of doing, and to provide them with the opportunities or to feel safe to cooperate with for businesses. this in turns creates the trust.

who we are now are due to reality (environment), which has definitely a great impact on our attitudes which changes us overtime. however, the very root of our character hasn't, and we tend to fall back to who we are.

we create environment/reality/situations. however, we don't let them control us. we've got to be in control of what we create for what we wanted at the very first place.

months back, i doubt my character. i thought whatever i did was "whiny" & only complains which isn't a manly thing. should a man just "suck it up" and do/carry on whatever/ face with in life? is that what a man does?

sadly, i don't. as i always believe environment/reality/situations are in my hands. i can control, i can change. why don't even try?

currently, i'm happy with my work. i love my boss, my colleagues. at least i feel that i'm in control of my life (people don't control me except once in a while, randomly like today i was kinda reprimanded for having my hair too long? x.x). & as a team, we dare to face/fight the other more important issues.

& we all fight for what's right despite hassles which everyone prefers to dodge away.

consolidated thoughts.

for the past one month, i've learnt a lot from people's experiences and from books. & thanks to MWO Ho, i found the part of me that was lost.

& i just read a new book, "mars & venus starting over" - it's a whole lot of emotion explorations.

some will say:

"u surprise me overtime i see you, you really putting in effort for r/s."

"bingo! you're right about how women are thinking now."

"a guy would never bother to even understand."

"understand about yourself before women." - but i'm learning both.

"when you moved on to marriage, it's about 2 best friends staying together"

some older generations would say "impressive for a young guy to love someone so long."

i guess i'm starting to be a counselor for couples.

but here's the fact, i've never done what's right for the r/s. as selfish as a mars will always be, we'll never understand venus unless we bother to. she has done her very part for me, but i didn't cherish.

things always takes 2 hands to clap at the right frequency.

as for now, let's back track things a little and consolidate my thoughts...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

types of man

there are 2 types of man. mainly, in the progress of building success & a successful man.

Process of building success (Level 1): this man looks for a partner who is willing to go through the ups and downs of his life, being there to support him till the day he become successful.

Successful man (Level 2): Once he has gotten his success or established a certain level of success (w/o a partner all the while), he knows what he wants, and what type of partner he is looking out for.

Man will after all go through these 2 levels.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

r/s WANTS & NEEDS

a year ago when i was working in aviation company, i was exposed to what i WANTED. i did question myself if i was staying on for passion/responsibility/commitment. however, what you WANT & NEED is different. & i manage to answer this myself.

What you WANT lies in your thoughts, and what you NEED lies in your heart. often than not, we do not get what we need in our heart overtime. then, the mind takes over the heart. after sometime, what attracts you are often what you WANT and not getting the needs from the r/s.

however, what you WANT can grow overtime from expectations. has life been too comfortable that expectations evolved and became different/increased?

back to the point, what spark off the attraction is often what you're lacking in your previous/current r/s. if this emotional dilemma isn't resolved, you're only getting into a "r/s danger". after all it's temporary relief & checking in the new checklist you created, when familiarization and routine sets in, it'll fail.

"in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love."

love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.

that was a part of remembering love.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

subconscious vs deception

& recently, i've this new insights to subconscious thoughts. true enough, subconscious thoughts are unknown. if you're able to explain "subconsciously you've been feeling.. subconsciously i think..", then you're just forming a deception over your perception.

subconscious thoughts are unknown. you can't say it yourself. however, it can trigger your action.

i.e. subconsciously you like someone, yet you're in a r/s. this actually forbidden you to explore into the someone you like. however, it may trigger you to break up/losing passion for the r/s overtime or tentatively. this subconsciousness will surfaced the moment after the break up (i.e. starting/trying to interact with the person), it becomes a conscious fact.

however the above scenario can be interlink with the aforementioned about not getting what you NEED and looking for what you WANT.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no one is perfect. i'm may not be the best, but i'm doing my best.

i've seen and look into the details i missed, and did not bother to understand.

i went through the 4 stages of emotional tour. mainly; fear, sorrow, sadness and anger. & i explored into feeling betrayed, hurt, blame, mistrust n etc. each time, i let the pain grow, each time i allow waves to hit me over and over.

i've got back that sense of peace. & i'm letting go with love & forgiveness..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as much as i love you & as much as i want to get back, i wouldn't want it now.


feel free to love/date anyone, find what you need.


it's not about "to-get-her", but to be together.



p.s. i love you.

appreciated.

bumped into one of my ex-colleague yesterday. we had a short chat.

he thanked me for doing the right thing, to an extent of probably tarnishing my reputation and relationship with people.

at least he appreciates and thanked me. & unknowingly, i received some good comments from others which i didn't expect.

he told me that i should have stay on and make changes with Boss. right now everything changed, and that people are doing what's right. still, there's one thing yet to change within themselves. as i believe, people will all grow to be a better man.

there're always people who likes you and dislikes you, but i guess it's all passing phase.

afterall, when we work we meant to solve problems.

did i regret the change to a "less welfare" place? i don't. at least for now, i made good colleagues/ friends. in life, you often gain some loose some. but ultimately, you got to know what you want.

i learn this phrase as well, "do you get things right or do what's right?" i guess i belong to the latter.

for things i clearly want, my decisions were never a regret. time will give u an answer. and i found the answer from what i kept 1 year plus back.

it was exactly the same. but this time, it was portrayed differently.

sometimes you may have the opportunity, but you lack the capability to work things out/ to thrive/ to grab.

but when you start to realize your capability, all you need is opportunity.



i know what you're working for. =)

作词:方文山 作曲:周杰伦

我不配

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪

这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

broken strings.

the ugly truth.

a great comedy/romance movie i would say. many insights as what i've read, and of course the many new ones which surfaced. i would definitely love to quote some out from the show, however i couldn't remember them exactly. probably when got to catch the 2nd time.

but some rough quotes here & cross references from the book i read..

- women wants man to be like a women, yet this is surely unrealistic. however, just like man, a man wants a woman to be like his guy friends.

- women fantasize about a perfect partner, but it doesn't happen in reality.

- women have their checklist on the ideal partner they want. as i read, this is quite similar to women having point system which is created subconciously in their mind.

probably women just likes to create documents in their mind. =X

the above are some facts which i read and it was clearly displayed in parts of the scene.

an attention from man can often spark of the many emotions in women.

as mentioned, men and women are hardwired differently. we do things the opposite. actually we know, but often than not, we do not accept the opposite.

the movie has shown 2 couples of very different personality coming together at the end. although on the female side, she has tried to find someone similar and close to her requirements (using very much of her thoughts), but it doesn't work out. on the other hand, the man unknowingly love her, for no reason.

the man has embrace this differences, because he is aware and he understood. as for the woman, unknowingly she has understood and embraces this differences between them overtime.

"man loves a woman whom he is successful in loving in"

there is no reason. and true enough, because you JUST do so.

there's one scene in the show as the couple had some passionate dance; brought me back some images which i probably wouldn't have thought of times back.

the ugly truth is, man are definitely lustful. however, a man will only really love one who he truly does (and of course successful in loving).

this brings me back to a point which was shared by others; our partner consist of 80% of what we need. 20% goes to what we really want. however, if you think about the love that has gradually accumulated over time, and the storms that you've went through. it just adds up to 100% what you really need.


the 20% of what you want are just your fantasies.

-

i got a sweet dreams last night. and yea, i hate waking up from sweet dreams.


perception between the generations seems to have drifted a little.

spoils mood.


x.x

《彩虹》

作曲:周杰伦 作词:周杰伦

哪里有彩虹告诉我
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什麼天这麼安静
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑 我怎麼睡得著
你的身影这麼近我却抱不到
没有地球 太阳还是会绕
没有理由 我也能自己走

你要离开 我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开
但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才明白

RAP
看不见你的笑
要我怎麼睡得著
你的身影这麼近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳开始环绕环绕
没有理由我也能自己走掉
是我说了太多就承受不了
也许时间是一种解药解药
也是我现在正服下的毒药

men need to feel needed, and women need to feel they are not alone.

'many women today are under so much stress that they are simply unable to feel their needs. under stress, women tend to reach out and feel the needs of others rather than their own. with a little time and exploration, these strong and independent women discover and admit to a variety of needs, most commonly:

- she needs a man for romantic companionship
- she needs a man to be faithful
- she needs a man for simple companionship. she doesn't want to come home to a big, beautiful, empty house or apartment
- she needs a man around because she feels safer - two people are twice as good as one
- she needs to have a partner to share fun times with
- she need a partner to share with who cares about her well-being
- she needs a partner to share responsibilities of caring for the nest
- she needs a partner to fix things
- she needs a partner's support to feel really great

the truth is, women today need men more than ever. they need man in different ways. men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with the new stresses of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available. with greater awareness of her needs, a woman can begin to appreciate what she is getting and focus less on what she is not getting. with more realistic vision of what is possible rather than the Hollywood fantasy of a man who fulfills her every wish, she is better able to appreciate his efforts and not take for granted all the things her partner already does provide.'

-

sometimes, love reach a stage where u love his/her everything unknowingly, yet you didn't ever realize. & people around you cried for this love, as they care for this love.

it's like a sudden lost of a very close beloved member of the family.


those who sees, they care.

Found the song lyrics.

Today 883 just filled with so much good songs and this was one of it.

hmm..

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己判刑
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了，快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意

一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重
漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

this song lyrics really long, but it's not very repetitive.

today just damn sian, probably cause of the rain.

hmm..


u r.

hormones are from heaven

'at the start of the relationship, a man will get excited and motivated by the challenge of winning a woman's affection. the challengeautomatically stimulates the production of testosterone, the hormone from mars that contributes to a man's sense of power and well-being. when his testosterone levels are at normal levels, he is pumped and is more attentive and attracted to his partner.

as routine sets in over time, and the challenge in the relationship decreases, his testosterone levels decrease. when this happens, the honeymoon is over, and a man looks to stimulate higher levels of testosterone. work outside the home provide new challenges to capture a man's interest and raise his testosterone levels.

overtime, as reality sets in and her expectations are not always satisfied, she no longer assumes that all her needs will be met. the resulting decrease in hope, trust, and optimism will affect her oxytocin levels. her daily routine loses some of its magic. she attempts to bring back the magic by giving more to their relationship, but when her attempts are not reciprocated, she eventually loses the glow, along with motivation to give more.'

with increasing number of people not understanding the differences between man and woman, we'll never get things right.



i can feel..


i do. =)

support seeking.

'man love projects. projects are specific. they have a beginning and an end. he can determine what he is going to do, how he is going to do it, and most important, when he is going to do it. men will often do what they consider is most important first. ask for a man's support in specific instead of general terms.

even if he is tired, a project with a definite end point or solution will give him extra energy, particularly if a woman's tone of voice or facial expression while making the request indicates that she will appreciate the result of his actions. when he does something to help her rather than because she expects or thinks he should do it, he then feels closer to her and is more willing to help her out in the future.'

had 1x fun yesterday with J, & we had spend a long night together. afterall those who truly understands me are people who have spent very short times with me in parts of my life. surprisely, they turn out to be the hidden supporters, watching my growth through the years.

as far as i know..

it's..

you know.


FLY!!!

behaviors

'when men and women are insecure, they have equal tendency to use strong emotional outbursts or the silent treatment as a way to threaten, shame, or punish their partners. when this is the case, they are using their reactions to control and manipulate rather than release their stress.

when a man pulls away to cope with his own stress, a woman may chose to punish him by pulling away when he comes back. she may develop the testosterone tendency of pulling away. unfortunately, her spiteful behavior does not support either partner.

punishing our partners by withholding our love may work in the short term, but in the long term it creates fear and mistrust, causing on tension and conflict.

an attitude of "i win you lose" in a relationship is an empty victory. when you love someone, you lose if that person loses. the greatest pain we feel in a relationship comes when we withhold the love in our own hearts.' - denial?

"real love does not demand perfection but actually embraces imperfection", it's not about compromising.


as i talked to someone who was much elder than i am today. i am starting to realise & learn the many things between men & women, having many new insights as well. you'll never learn unless you bother to find out.

these few weeks, my pace in life slowed down a little. i start to observe people again. day to day, we laughed, we kept ourselves busy with friends/work/things we like to do, despite the problems we faced from work/school/family/techical problems (i.e my laptop screen flickering, not doing whatever that was suppose to be done to solve the problem). stress? definitely. i come back daily, i am faced with the same laptop problem. i guess it's time to do something about it.

when night falls, it's when we're in our comfortable cave, being ourselves once more, then we think about ourselves, our day and everything. the night just seems so comfortable, to be yourself.

finished with AOH. but currently, i've a few projects on hand. real busy, but i'm brewin' success. i'm ready, and i'm fallin'..

airbone! hah!



用心, 用意, 在意地听.


offs here i come!

fight/flight response

"when men experience the fight-or-flight response, vasopressin is released into their bodies and enhanced by testosterone. the combination pf vasopressin and testosterone suppresses the production of oxytocin, so it is more difficult for men to calm down. as a result of the suppression of oxytocin production, men do not have the built-in tranquilizer that women have to deal woth stress. in day-to-day activites, women have much higher levels of emotional reaction, but at times of great danger, when men are ready to fight, it is often women who calm things down."

woman's never-ending-to-do list

"the more stress man experiences during the day, the emptier his mind becomes. it is inconceivable to women that a man can quite effortlessly sit and not think about things. this doesn't occur for women, because their muscles don't break down like a man's and rob the brain of amino acids required to think. the more a man feels stressed, the more he needs to recover."

a woman's higher fat-to-muscle ratio enables her body not only to make extra hormones for childbearing but also provide additional energy. by burning fat stored in her extra fat cells, she can produce 20 times more energy than man. this extra energy supports her brain, which never rest, churning away nonstop to create a never-ending-to-do list."

房祖名: 最动听

昨天晚上我又梦见你
在梦里我看见很美的东西
可能是在睡前想过你
才会梦见你

在梦里
我常常寻寻觅觅寻找着你
是梦而已

在现实里我曾经问过自己是否爱你
还是个游戏

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音

不管多小声我会用心地听
不管多小声多小声
我也会用心用意在意地听

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音
不管多小声我会用心地听
不管多小声多小声
因你的声音
在我心
是最为动听

Interesting Facts.

"Sexual activity produces testosterone in men, but orgasm releases oxytocin. This calming effects of this hormonal cascade why men often roll over and fall asleep afterward. After sex, a man's testosterone level can drop for a while, which is why a man sometimes feels a need for greater distance immediately after sex.

Men and women react opposite ways after sex on account of their hormones. While a woman's elevated oxytocin levels put her cuddle reflex in high drive, the dynamic of rising oxytocin and falling of testosterone often causes a man to withdraw as his hormones return to normal balance. Understanding and accepting that men sometimes retreat after sex, when women feel the most connected, can help avoid bad feelings."

-End-

watched "i love you, beth cooper". Nice one. i've new insights as i watch such shows with a romance in it, better understanding of emotions/perspectives between men and women.

i miss this.. as i watch.. hmm..


"thank you for loving me", as beth said.

night.

some sharing once again..

man has to understand this concept very well. loving a woman for life and loving someone just as long as your feel-good hormones can last you. aforementioned, every relationship gradually comes to a passionless stage. it's always you stay on because of the time commitment given overtime which you don't wish for it to go to waste, or otherwise staying due to marriage = responsibility.

however, passion needs to be thrive together as a couple. not one sided. while women may be focusing on thriving on the passion (which they are sensitive enough to feel the loss), she may be giving more. for her, giving more just means she is trying. but this isn't what she needs/ wants to do. she is neglecting herself, her needs. her oxytocin levels jus drops over time, and it'll be empty one day. she needs to fill her oxytocin levels herself, knowing what she needs. subsequently, subconciously as she is giving, she gives points to herself and not to the man. however, even if the man is doing sometghing significant which he feels, she may not be able to appreciate/sees it because her oxytocins levels are just to low to make her realise. high oxytocin levels reduce women's stress, only then she's able to appreciate.

as for man, if he doesn't feel appreciated, her testosterone levels just decreases. his energy level just drops as well. simply because he doesn't feel he is making a difference to her life. a man is happy when he knows he is making a difference to her life and she appreciates.

alright, so much so of some concepts between man and women. definitely, certain ways of communicating needs to be learn as well to avoid any form of heated arguments. ultimately, we love, so why fight?

seriously, i am recommending this book to be read by all women and man. it was out in today's newpaper that it had helped in many relationships which fails. then, we'll understand the many things we never do despite so much effort in figuring out, and we suppose we know. actually, we don't. no more guesses.

i'm embracing the differences, and not accomodating to it. without learning to embrace differences, you'll never get to compromise. subconciously, you're just asking yourself to follow the motion of compromising. it's a big difference.

i once loved a girl, but i am now learning to love a woman. this is time when you discover and learn.

ultimately, are you looking for a relationship which has no passion at the end just because you're married? or are you looking for a partner to share your life with? so now i ask myself, to find a suitable partner? does suitability dependant on similiarities? i guess, the larger the differences you have, the more you'll want to dicover from your partner, the more passion you'll create. it all depends on how you work on it. if u love, you'll never fail to try and discover.

some people told me, "if she loves you, she loves you."

some said, "nothing is more beautiful than the first love you really love for. it was when you actually put in everything you have, no reserve."

good night once again.


oh, something exciting happened today. fun fun fun... hah.

i guess i've shared, enough.

something to share for the day (from the same book)..

"w/o an understanding of this last difference, a women can feel neglected when a man waits to the last minut to plan time with her or when he doesn't anitcipate her needs. if a woman understand this differences, she is no longer resents needing to ask for support, because she realizes that his brain simply doesn't work the way hers does.." - woman brains are designed to anticipate the emotions, sensitivities and needs of others. men, on the other hand, are more acutely aware of their own needs. Since thousands of years, they need this ability to protect themselves in the wild. on the other hand, a woman's kufe insurance was making sure she cared for others.

a woman's biggest challenge is to begin caring for herself as much as she is caring for others.


single Focus on Mars/ Multitasking on Venus

a woman brain has a larger corpus callosum, the bundle of nervs that connects the right and left hemispheres, is 25% smaller in men. This means that men do not connect feelings and thoughts as readily as women do. In real sense, women have superhighways connecting their feelings to speech, while men have back roads with plenty of stop signs. This stronger connection between parts of the brain increases a women's ability to multitask. When she is listening, she is also thinking, remembering, feeling and planning all at the same time.

a man's brain is highly specialized, using a specific part of a single hemisphere to accomplish a task. A woman's brain is more diffuse, using both hemispheres for many tasks. This neurological difference allows men to focus and block out distractions for long periods of time. While women tend to see things ina broader context, from a larger vantage point.

hence, this insight can help a woman not to take it personally when he is at the computer and seems annoyed when asks him a question. It is simple for her to shift gears when interrupted, but it is much more difficult for him.

i'm finishing the book soon. each day i start to understand myself and women more, and as i read i realise the many things that actually did happened over time. How complex can thoughts and emotions be? Only if you care to find out the differences and increase your awareness.

differences create attraction and passion, and we are.

understanding will be tough, just like chemical structures, it's meant to be that way.

we need to know, then to communicate, and to cross the hurdle. otherwise, every relationship will just fail the way it is as time passes, be it before or after marriage.

good night.

as i read, i understood. every relationship is meant to be, and there'll always be a stage where things happen. be it marriage, or long dating couples. it's natural, from differences in perceptions, emotions, environment and to biochemistry. it explains all the answers i've been looking for.

you don't have to exactly understand the difference (because biologically we're made different), but you need to be aware of the difference, then we can thrive and not trying survive/sustain relationships.

so here are some interesting extracts i picked up from "Why Mars & Venus Collide":

"i remember when this idea became very clear to me about 6 years into my own marriage with my wife, bonnie. after some particularly great lovemaking, i commented, 'this was as good as it was in the beginning.'

her response taught me something important. she said that making love that night was actually better than in the beginning, because, as she explained, 'in the beginning, we didn't really know each other. now you have seen the best of me and the worst of me, and you still adore me. that is real love.' - love is not a fantasy of perfection in which our every need is met, but sharing life together, truly loving relationships make up fabric of fulfilling life. the relentless demands in our lives have to go more, go faster, and do better can distract us from this simple truth.


"though men and women are similiar, when it comes to stress, they are different. with increasing stress, these differences are intensified. instead of facing life's challenges and growing together in love, many couples drift apart to a comfortable but passionless distance, or are ripped apart by feelings of resentment, confusion, and mistrust.."


"once newness of love wears off, familiarity and routine set in. feel-good hormone levels begin to drop, and stress level begin to rise. it is as if love gives us about 3 years pf blissful hormones for free, but after the honeymoon period is over, we have to earn them." - this was later explained with a series of biochemistry which in turn was stresses we face from reality. every relationship eventually, will end up till this date.

as i believe, it is complex. but research has proven WHY.

now then, i'm searching for the root of problems. it's never too late, because i understood.

as i was out today, came across a CD shop which plays this old song.

Martina McBride - My Valentine

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you

If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine

La da da
Da da da da

And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all i need
Is you, my valentine

You're all i need
My love, my valentine

歌曲：空缺
歌手：伍家辉 专辑：虽然我愿意

当你关上了门离开这个房间
关上了仅有的光线只剩想念
我还感受到温柔的幻觉
月亮的背面写满了我们的细节

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

没有人能完全填补的空缺

就当作我们不熟练不够周全
就当作我们追不上彼此改变
我以为能完美写下句点
时间在后面遥控了所有的情节

幸福需要的磨练我们都误解成搁浅
活在想象的明天忘了今天未完结


how complex can human emotions and thoughts be?
it can never be understood fully.

Past

this story was sometime back in my post. find it interesting and i'm reposting this again. my mind has consistently been flash with memories.. so this is how it goes..

The couples knew each other at university. They had romantic courtship. They move on into marriage. However, Joe’s (changed name) marriage ended in about 13 years.

“No more morning kisses, no more sending off her to work, no more quarrels nor fights and no more bedroom wrestle.”

At this moment of time, in the process of reading the article, you may be thinking that Joe had been unfaithful and swayed. However, let’s move on.

Before they got married, they got an agreement list. Whereby each party states the like and dislike of the other. On the lady’s side, she had a long list. However, joe only had one; “I want to grow old with you”. It didn’t turn out to be a lifetime but 13 years.

The happily married couple had 3 children and Joe always have his family day with his family weekly.

He was contracted with diabetes in his twenties. Doctor says he’ll have his honeymoon for the 10 years. There after, his body will start breaking down. They didn’t believe this as one of their uncle or friend if I’m not wrong, live pass 70 even when contracted with diabetes at a very young age.

On this tragic day, his wife couldn’t contact his husband. It was a Sunday. As usual, he cooked breakfast and proceed on to wash and polish his car before the family outing. His wife’s worry was he might have fainted from low sugar levels caused by his diabetes.

Then, police came knocking on the door to seek for identification of body. Her wife’s hope was it wasn’t her husband and it was a mistake. She saw his lifeless body on the ground. Their whole life together flashed in her mind; their moments of intimacy, fights, laughter… everything.


- end -

trust.

i couldn't stop myself from pondering. but i chose to trust despite the different perspective given by others. it's the 2nd sat w/o you, how are you..?

dreams.

it has been the 7th day w/o you. i'm starting to sleep abit more, probably i'm really tired out from my swell up eyes which i suffered the past few days. and i've been sleeping abt 5 hrs each day and no more.. still, each night, i woke up in the middle of the night to find myself back to reality w/o you.

as i was in camp yesterday, i had a deja vu for a moment of my life. it was the same feeling as it was in my dreams. i lost you, and i did..

as i was browsing through the pictures and small clips of ours (to reduce my misses), i've probably forgotten the reality of life that i may just lose you one day.. and i did. still, i don't think love has long gone, but i would say - forgotten. sometimes when ideas where assumed and not communicated overtime, we form a deceptive perception from our assumed known subconscious. but subconscious mind isn't known by self; it's unknown.

subconsciously, i maybe moving on. but is my heart moving on?

i believe you do miss me. i believe, you do.. and this is my 1st friday w/o you after a long time.. i miss you.. do you remember the times..?

Deceptions of mind.

it has been the 6th day without you, and my life just seems to quieten down by alot.. it has also been a long time since I've last blogged. probably there isn't any platform for me to express my thoughts for now.. neither do i wish to affect you in anyway. time seems to pass very slowly, every moment, my mind is all abt you..

i guess at the end of the day, failure lies with the things we've done unknowingly. subconsciously, we've done things which we shouldn't. subconsciously, we assumed and ideas weren't communicated properly overtime. subconsciously, subconsciously... we formed certain perception. And clearly and not subconsciously, i know deep down, the love is still there. It can't be lost completely.. probably the love was forgotten..

there i was, at the wooden chair we sat before.. i turned back, it was the same tree we once took our photos with.. as i stood at the huge rock, looking out at the sea, turning back again, it was the very same coconut where you and i took photos with.. then i realised.. we did miss something unknowingly..

as i cycled through the many paths we took, i remember those times spent. They were our very sweet moments despite the number of years we had been together. And it's probably i've been really busy that we've lost touch of spending quality time..

it has been really a long time and we finally came thus far. I miss those times spent with you, the food we shared (those meals.. don't we..?), and the many things we see as one. Those times where we experience one another's sorrows, and happiness of life was simply unforgettable. We truly feel that for each other.. As u ever gave me one thing, “nothing was more beautiful than the love that has weathered through the storms of life..”

at the end of the day, i still respect whatever you said you've decided. I know what you need, a total freedom. I love you, and so i'm letting you go.. And i know it would probably be good as well.. neither do i wish the story to end the day before marriage.. and so I've got this hope and faith – if we're ever back again, i know the feelings would be back to what it originally was, totally different experience and that we would treasure one another more.. and it would probably be another even longer chapter..

I've faced this very well and surely i'm coping as well as you are. hope to see you soon..