death.

every post seems so long. and i'm just bragging to myself. hah. anyway...

send 2 REC to the A&E. being a nice sgt, i guess i'm being too friendly? but i still wanna draw some line that they are the REC. in fact, 1 of them is older than me, and the other was the same age. but, i didn't disclose mine.

sound sad, but got to know about this story from this REC who's older than me. he is currently attached thou for 3.5 years? and he said this was his 2nd longest r/s. so out of curiosity, i asked him...

"so how long was your longest?"

"4 years."

"what happen?"

"she passed on in a car accident, by a hit and run driver."

sad. how young she was and yet, died just like that. he took 2-3 years to grief the loss of his love.

so it brought me back on 2012 which i watched yesterday again, the second time.

so the couple which divorced, and later the other (women) moved on to getting married to another... yet, when near death love still came back to the ex husband. or rather is it because it has always been there, but it was never realized and taken for granted?

only when crisis is faced, only then you realize that the person who's always there to go through them with you is missing?

sometimes, instead of feeling taken for granted, why not feel appreciated? because actually people do appreciate, but they often do not talk it out? people are too embrassed to voice appreciation? it's just like, "is the cup empty, or half filled?"

yet, again here, am i finding reasons for myself to feel better?

perhaps, i regard it as a conceptual of mind.

if your suspicions or assumptions gave you reasons to be against the person, then there's definitely hypothesis which you can draw out to actually defend that person and make yourself feel better isn't it?

in the first place, it no assumptions or suspicions were made, you wouldn't need to do the latter.

grandma asked me, "will you cry for me if i die oneday?" back then, i didn't know how to answer. but i said sth like i think i will? because you never thought that you would or could imagine the loss of someone. but when that day came, and i cried badly.

i could still remember for that moment, i wanted to run out of the hospital A&E, non-stop. i couldn't, so i hit the wall of the griefing room very hard, pounding it.

she could have been saved. yet, emergency call was made late, paramedic came late as well.

perhaps, this was a reason why i had became a medic.

perhaps, god heard my cries. "how could.. how could..."

now, at least i know i wouldn't let such a thing happen again to my family or my dearest ones, as long as they are within my reach.

i probably will be stunt, but i wouldn't panick. and i would do the necessary as i could, because time is important. panicking doesn't help. and before i ORD, i'll definitely prepare a rescue set at home. at least, an OPA.

i could still remember back then the playful me, when i wanted to break up, she was the one who taught me how could i treat a girl like that.

then, i learnt how to take care of someone, and overtime, learning to respect, letting go of my pride and ego for r/s; for someone, i love.

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anyway, 2 sets of articles i came across on r/s...

"Can you remember those first few months, when separation from her or him was pure torture? Where there were not two bodies but only a single body with four arms and four legs - no separation of thought, emotion or feelings? You and your partner were truly one.

What caused that! It didn't come from thinking or planning. It came from out of the blue. And not only that, it was so strong that it completely floored you. And right away, perhaps you made the mistake of saying the "you" were in love.

"We" are never in love; love just happens. It comes on it's own and when the time is right, it goes away on its own regardless of how we feel about it. By then, however, commitments are made, social and religious mores are mechanically set into motion, and regardless of how restricted we may feel, or dependent, or attached, or all of the other feelings that arise when the initial intense love feeling goes away - we are stuck.

The arrival of the first child usually wipes out any romantic notions, if they hadn't been crunched already. (Please remember that I am talking about the incredible, impossible to maintain feeling of romantic love, not the mature, almost business-like arrangements of a mature relationship based on mutual trust and compassion for the other person, along with the responsibility of raising children). But the romantic love, at least the way it was first felt, will never come back in exactly the same way.

Some people, understanding this, go from partner to partner never making any commitments because they know that the initial rush of a love affair will die quickly. And when it does, they can then go and find another. Of course, the problem is that like mainstreaming heroin, it takes more and more for less and less, and pretty soon the senses become desensitized and romantic love dies for good regardless of how creative we are in attempting to dredge it back up.

Either way - getting involved in a lifetime commitment based on an initial rush of love, or playing love until it is exhausted - we must eventually settle for second best regarding that tremendous, exhilarating feeling of freedom that maybe once in our lifetime we experienced - that feeling called unconditional love where we would sacrifice our lives, maybe even kill for our beloved. It's hard to fathom that in time, that feeling might change to where we want to kill our beloved!

And this now brings us to the point of discussing feelings.

Feelings come and go, just as thoughts and emotions come and go. When we act on a thought, emotion or feeling, we are responsible for all that washes over us because of that reaction. And usually the aftermath of acting on a strong emotion or feeling is tenfold more disturbing than the initial feeling of exuberance - or anger. There is nothing wrong with the feelings; they just happen. it is what we do with them that matters deeply.

Nature's provision of temporary insanity between lovers insures procreation of the species. However, lovers don't understand this, and when that first moment of boredom comes up in their romantic relationship, rather than accept the fact that the love dream is ending, what do lovers do? They plan out their future! This allays the boredom and allows them to pretend that their feelings of love can continue. This is the first step of delusion. This is where thought takes the place of the real, initial feeling of love, and where a huge displacement of reality takes place.

Then, the relationship, if it continues, becomes more or less a dependency in order to fill a void or hole in each other - all justified by social and religious mores. The couple, still dazed from their initial feelings of freedom, which is love, now buy into the whole scenario of social responsibility. And the divorce rate continues at about fifty percent!

Admitting that a mature relationship has nothing to do with romantic love, and everything to do with mutual dependency (taking care of each other's needs), goes a long way in cementing a long term relationship. So the next time you are about to tell your partner that you love them, simply say instead that, "I depend on you to fill a void in myself, therefore I love myself more than you!" Well, it's true isn't it? If you say no, then you might be in a serious state of denial or delusion!

So, what then is the most important thing in a romantic relationship?

The most important thing in a romantic relationship is understanding how our minds and emotions work. Understanding that all things change. And understanding that whatever we do based on feelings, emotions and, yes, even thought, will more often than not eventually come back around to bite us. But how can we live without feelings, emotions and thought?

Living beyond knee-jerk reactions brought on feelings, emotions, and thoughts is possible; it's called living by insight and wisdom.

And these two, insight and wisdom, are the doors to real, never-ending, unconditional love."

"Many women struggle to understand why their last relationship has failed or how to get back on track in their current one. Too many times we just say that we must have picked the wrong person or we just can not get along with anyone. Many women forget that we have the ability with in ourselves to either make a good decision or a bad one. Of course, women want to make the best decisions all the time. Unfortunately this is not always the case. If you really want to understand why you can't make a relationship work or you are committed to making your current one last, you need to give 100% of yourself to the effort of improving your relationships. You need to be willing to look at not your partner but with in your own self to see what you need to work on.

You need to learn to be much disciplined in regards to yourself. Regardless of your hectic day or how well you slept last night you must constantly be aware of the manner in which you're speaking to your partner. This can be the actual words you say, your tone or your pattern of speech. You need to remember that unprovoked harsh or rude speech is never okay and you have no excuse. You need to not let your anger or annoyance at outside situations bleed into your relationship and cause you to unleash on your partner. While is it part of your partner's responsibility to be your friend and sounding board through tough times, they should never be your emotional punching bag.

Your ego must always come in a distant second to the importance of your relationship. Those couples who have long with standing relationships have let their egos completely go. Many women just like to say that they are stubborn, like it or not. Unfortunately most of the time you will have a partner that chooses the latter. Really what they are being is selfish and inflexible which will only lead to a lonely life. This attitude will turn people away and is the cause of a great deal of issues that happen with in relationships.

Being committed to your own growth as a person can only enhance the quality of your relationship you must know yourself before you can let anyone else really know you. This is done through a constant process of questioning, learning and discovering. Not only about relationships but about how to properly communicate with your partner. You need to be able to really tap into what your partner is feeling instead of being so focused on what is going on your own mind. This will lead to a deep respect for each other that will help in those times when you do disagree. It will enable to work out your differences in a calm, controlled way.

Basically to be able to make a relationship last for the long haul you and your partner need to be a team. Teams stick together until the end of the game and always have their eye on the finish line. The masters of relationships know that it is a continuous process and takes constant work."

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if love happen by chance,

then maintaining needs some work.

giving up, isn't a choice nor a decision.

choice of methods in making it work, should be the way.



sometimes, i have my fear.

这幸福的碎片, 有时候我真的还不知道该怎么捡...

会不会有那么一天, 你会再陪我捡...