contradictions vs fire/ appreciation.

sometimes, women are seriously very contradicting as of i observe verses some personal past experiences.

as a guy...

when you plan, they may find that everything is pre-planned.

when you don't plan, they find you not putting any effort, boring, no longer interested, and probably tired of the r/s as they assume.

when you didn't say she changed..

she said: you say i've changed what..

in the first place, they probably tell you "i'm already gone", doesn't that imply that the old you, or the one you knew has gone?

end up, i probably have to say something understanding, to feel for her... "i know you didn't, you're hurt, you're disappointed, you didn't meant to say anything as such.." and they probably start sobbing.

of course, i mean it, and not just trying to make her feel better by lying.

sometimes... man just keep guessing, guessing.

perhaps, we no longer could feel those feelings we could where someone could make our blood rush when we see him/her. probably because our hormones has changed as we grow older.

probably we're no longer seeing love, because we're weighing so much of reality (family, financially, status, values etc etc) with love.

so how can true love be felt?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

appreciation.

i'm not flirting. and i didn't.

so C said i'm damn funny. i don't know if she does mean it, but she say she do.

and i don't know how i did manage to make her kept saying i'm damn funny.

maybe i sounded stupid? =X

so as i replied,

i thought i was a boring guy since the day she probably chose to leave.

so yeah, she said i wasn't. and she never thought of me as an uninteresting guy.

so as i mention a little about the past,

i'm claimed to be sweet.

i thought i probably didn't put enough effort through the years.

after some conversing, she said i could still remember so clearly.

of course, everything is as still vivid.

i guess i've done enough, with a sincere heart through the years.

no matter how busy i was, i always manage to fork out time to do the many things i could.

be it sending french toast, be it washing the whole car all by myself, be it tidying the drawers or cupboards, surprise flowers/chocolates, the TLC i gave when it comes to being sick, the dedication of song when a liveband is performing, be it the many help i could give to the family or the one i truly love, be it the many sweet things i could have done with my heart or think of at that point of time (of course i'm better filled with even more ideas now). and it was despite work which starts as early as in the early morning like 7am to school, doing these in the noon or in between hours before going for tuition sessions.

at the end, this r/s is considered as not worth to stick to, as claimed by others. or actually, "there are many better guys out there".

yeah, i'm not any one of the better ones. perhaps, i've never been good enough.

probably even lazy as insulted before.

isn't it?

sometimes i seriously do feel i did enough.

i've tried hard enough to be an all rounder, doing whatever i could.

carry on recalling the things you felt i've not done. or even hide.

no one is perfect, but i've always tried to be.

i may not have the wealth, but a heart.

i know you have too, hence...

that's why i love you.

but

i don't deserve this.