Tired, tired out by the day. Today had helped out in the parade again and the Sun wasn't friendly at all. I felt so sticky all over me. SM had done a great job as a PC today. She's no longer as nervous nor scare anymore. Maybe crying do made us stronger and that is perhaps why I've seldom shed tears. Sometimes too much hurt is no good, it only makes one stronger and numb to the things which happen before and again.

These days had been busy, so didn't blog. For the past 2 days, I've had never slept well and because there's no much homework, I've been reading "Fatal Seduction". It's quite a nice book and it's really imaginable. Nice in way that the story shows the ugly side of life outside us now.

Friends maybe be saying that, "you say nice because it's a sex book right? Don't act la." Yes, part of it maybe but definitely not totally. I mean who does not have desires? Unless you're a monk and sits in the temple and chant everyday to get rid of the "Qi Qing Liu Yu" and at the same time, gaining wisdom and enlightenment.  

Some parts are quite disgusting even though it was not described in detail. Disgusting in the way (not the movements on bed, told you its not actually described in detail!) - why are there women and men so despo? Where's their conscience as a living man? Sadly, many got AIDS as one pass to the other, and the other, and the other and the other and etc. The second last page of the story writes about who passed on the disease to who.

Consequences:
-Family break ups, leaving the children, as one party was unfaithful to another and came back passing it to his/her spouse.

-Break ups in love after knowing the affairs.

It's all break up of relationships in the end and death later. Fish said they are true stories. I don't know, but no doubt there are such things happening around us. I'm disgusted by humans again. Life is no longer like what it use to be where people were so kind and friendly. There are now but minority. You stab me on my back I stab you. It happened in the story too. Many people have hidden motive and usually it's evil. People have start to become more self-centred. Naturally, who want him/her self get killed? Everyone compete with each other to achieve their goals. That is why, we're now living in a competitive world.

Lessons have been quite boring these few days. E.T hasn't been feeling well and thus lesser jokes. He should be fine soon after the weekend. Life hasn't been well too, feeling sleepy everyday.

Looking forward to Eileen's Birthday Party. I guess many of us are goin to have a good gathering and a relaxing time. But first, I've got to have enough sleep.

Qi Li Xiang is going to be out soon. I can't wait to see how Jay's creation is going to be like for his new album. I appreciate his songs, some are nice. I definitely do not appreciate the way he carry himself. He seems like a Big Time Slacker to me. No wonder he has a low education level. But, he has the talent and luck. Ha, enough said. Log off.

Sigh, tired. I guess today's parade was quite well done by me and my subordinates? Things did run well quite smoothly, but there were some friction between the secondary 4s. I guess many of them couldn't take the pressure.

I was quite pissed when Razak had came down after meeting and told me that I've been harsh with the parade as complained by some teachers. I guess I hadn't been. I was not shouting a lot and they thought that it was harsh was perhaps  they didn't hear what I've shouted. I was really demoralised and disappointed.

It's a parade and everyone do have pressure. Being the RSMs of this parade, holding on to responsibility and task, JT and I do have pressure. If we weren't serious. do our schoolmates treat us seriously? And what would Razak say if everyone is just playing? Who would want to be shouted at by someone your age and moreover just your schoolmates?

We took our task seriously and wasn't harsh. Many cryings were coming from the GG and I guess because they're girls and that's why. I guess being in uniform groups, one should understand what you'll be expected.

I almost wanted to shout at the GG's RSM, I was indeed furious. I tolerated and kept quiet. They were complained by my NCC girls that they gave "pandan kekanan" on the wrong leg, so I went forward and asked them.

Alex: Pandan Kekanan which leg? Did you gave wrongly just now?

GG: Left lar.. what the hell I gave the right leg ok! (Expressed anger and gave a LL face)
 
I wanted to say, "Hey! What the hell? I'm the RSM here and I'm asking you a question nicely! Is this the way you talked to me?!" Once again, I didn't and said, "Relax k.. Relax..".

The PC (Parade Commander) SM cried and I understand her situation. Being a PC isn't easy at all. You've got to have the courage and confidence. If you don't and you say something wrongly, it'll be obvious. SM is a good commander and I've got confidence that she'll make it. She just have to relax and be on alert. Moverover, she's just a very feminine lady. Asking her to shout is already a torture and fear.

My own unit's marching was totally sucks. I demoralised them in front of other uniform groups. Gold unit and that's the standard of marching? What have the Secondary 3 leaders been doing? After some scolding and explaination of my demoralisation, they finally understood and they performed well at last.

I do not know what was wrong with JM today. She was quite flare up. Maybe she was too pressurized. I mean, if you know your contingent is not marching well, you've got to admit and don't blame others and etc. Once again, you've got to take yourself out from the picture and really be fair to me. Again, they understood and performed well in the last round. Sigh.

Sometimes, I just hope people would understand and put themselves in and out of people's shoe and look into matters. Enough said. ByeZ.

PhewZ, finally able to blog. Been busy with school work and some computer stuff. So, I should do a recalling from Thursday to Today.

Thursday:
Literature lessons was fun. There was no lesson of course. YYH was mad when he came into class and never see a chair at the teachers' table. "You insensitive people", that was what he said. He's crazy I guess. We're not servants nor maid for you, can't you even walk a few steps and get a chair with your hands? The previous period teacher had put the chair at the computer table, which was very near to the teachers' table. I guess all PRCSian should know. Ridiculous and unreasonable old man. Heard that he complained to Mr Collin when my group of good classmates went to find him. He was having meals in the canteen. I've this thought - maybe he was using that as an excuse to have meals. It could be a possiblity.

Friday:
Learnt a lot from E.T after school's extra lessons. I guess I've learnt to be more careful. I've got to keep practising and get my basics right. Hopefully I'' be able to get an A? *Pray & Work Hard*

Saturday:
Went to school early and lower body all drenched. My windbreaker only covers the top and I was cycling. Leaving home thinking that the rain wouldn't get any bigger and so that's why. Went to school, help out Mr Razak to set up parade. JT & me will be the RSM for this national day parade. We'll be assisting Razak. Therefore, it'll be fun tekanning the other uniform groups on Tuesday.

Went home after that and do some computer stuff. Didn't got a chance to take a nap as I dudn't know my parents would be going out during the evening. So, went to fetch some furniture for relative and ourselves.. blah blah balh.. Dinner was great and I've got some good time with the BBQ chickens bought at Elias Mall.

When we came home, mum was mad. She packed 5 fried chicken wings but it turned out to be 3. The stall had cheated our money she supposed. I told her that business was too good and perhaps people do get "sotong" sometimes.

Late at night, I did my homework till 1 am in the morning.

Sunday:
Today been a nice day I suppose. Got a good rest at home and with work. Finally,  I got to enjoy my weekend.

So recently, there has been an argument in my tagboard about YYH and Literature. I've looked into my friends perception and they've got their point sometimes. To get wiser maybe is all about sharing views?

Anyway, case close as I've mentioned in my tagboard. Looking towards a challenging week again. Hopefully, life will not be tedious to go on. Zzz.

PRCS was colourful today. Everyone was in their traditional costumes including teachers. I find these a fun thing, even though it maybe troublesome. Female teachers were dressed beautifully while the Males, normal? Lolz.

I was the camera man for 4/8 today and I've got a great time with Hazwan's video camera. Actually, I like "video caming" things. I've got a great interest in it. Maybe after my O's, I'll buy a video camera and cam around Singapore.

The teachers' dance was a hilarious one. Especially when Mr Collin went up the stage. I dudn't expect him to do that! Lolz. I thought he's only funny in class and serious in front of school. We've got a great laugh. Mr Azhar and Miss blah blah (don't know hot to spell) was the best match. Sigh, didn't know married or unavailable teachers are still allow to flirt in school. Lolz. Anyway E.T was really "jin ta xi suan", chose Miss Khor to went up stage with him. I guess many male teachers and students who admire her beauty was really jealous (excluding me). Overall, it was indeed a very harmonious event I've never attended for Racial Harmony.

I'm quite pissed with YYH, my Literature CA this term was marked this way using my Literature file;

Quality of Work: 5/10

(I do not think I've handed in rubbish, my hand writing was not untidy, he took only a weekend to mark our file. In my file, all the questions in the worksheet have only got a tick by the side. It seems like a rush mark through to check that we've attempted all the questions)
 
Participation in Class: 5/10

(What is class discussion may I question YYH? During the going through of answers, he called for people for their answers and he always call for the ones he like to hear. Vividly, I can remember that he has only called for me 3 times over estimated 50 - 80 (plus) (minus) questions? So, how do I participate?)
 
Total: 10/20

What the F*ck?! People who scored 14.. 15.. 16.. 17.. blah blah blah or whatever marks be it lower or higher, I call this unfair treatment and showing of favoritism/bias-ness. Can I call him a B*tch? B*stard? Opps, I didn't scold him here, I've got the "*". It can be replace by any alphabet. He truly S*ck. Opps! I've never been so #@#$%#$ (I do not wish to put the word, if not my "*" will no longer be useful)

I mean, what is a good teacher and a good leader? Do you show favoritism & etc? You've got to be fair and look into everyone with your own eyes and not just treat him/her to what you feel about him/her. I despise leaders who often show favoritism or liking to one when they have yet to know that person. Once he show favoritism, the others no longer have the chance to prove themselves because he shut up the rest and do not wish to look at them. Even you've the knowledge or eat more rice than me, I'm sorry, you're still look down upon by me.

This is what I've learnt from Mr Collin. He always gie everyone a chance/opportunity to prove themselves. Therefore, I've always try to be very sensitive about this and I think that I've been fair as an USM before. Due to some CLT's favoritism, I didn't manage to go for the interview during Senior Specialist Course. Maybe I'll come back with a best cadet and set the first record in PRCS? Which means I defeat my seniors.

I mean, do you agree with what I've said? Hmmz..

Fish's cookies was great today, but I didn't had much due to bacteria playing in my troat. Got up in the morning and had a swollen left eye, mum said it was due to insufficient rest and heatiness in my body (as usual.. -.-"). Early in the morning went to 7-eleven and bought Eye Mo. Didn't know a small little Eye Mo cost so much. Morning reading period was fun I guess? Again, I feel like crying when I listen to the songs. It just reminds me of Sunday's Parade. Over there, they played "Stand Up for Singapore". Anyway, some stupids stand up for Singapore during the singing session. It was really stupid of them to be called to stand up due to - I don't want to sing.
 
Not a great day for me today. Swollen eyes and a Sore troat was enough. E Maths test wasn't a great one. I'm so careless again. I thought I'll be able to score better. My results for previous test was sucky as expected. JS is improving lately and of course I've never underestimated her. She has the capabilities to do well. She's just lazy that's all. DC did well for the test and won me by 2 marks. Love has turned into a competition for me and maybe her.
 
Frankly speaking, I'm a egoistic person. Very few men out there will want a women who is better than him. Some love unconditionally but what is the world today? I'm disgusted. If bad results are to continue, I may give up Love and it'll be talk again later. Sometimes, I'm suffocating. I hope she wouldn't feel sad because there's not a need to. There're many things which we've to prioritize in life. I'm truly glad for DC, she's no longer as weak as before in her Maths. Her tuitioning has finally helped her.
 
I do not have a very good English. Therefore, I would like to quote from E.T:
(hope you do not mind but if you do, please let me know)
 
"How do we measure "sufficiency" in a relationship? Does it mean that when one gives, the other does not? What is the bottomline sacrifice/contribution to keep the relationship meaningful?"
 
"Emptiness is not an option. It is compulsory. People can be together physically but still feel emptiness. No guesses for the growing emptiness when people are apart. Hate is an emotion strong enough to use on emptiness, especially when the emptiness is forced upon you through another's lack of consideration." 
 
"Timing is a very important thing in life. Everything talks about timing. And bad timing due to thoughtlessness is absolutely unforgivable. It just shows that the basic skill of being human is lacking."
 
Sometimes we feel like failures, sometimes we don't. It's setbacks that we've to cross over.
 
What is Love? I no longer understands and I'm persuing an enlightenment in my life. Life is still a long way to go and there're many things which I have yet to see and feel.
 
Right now, everything has become numbed. I do not wish to care and I hope people around me can take care of themselves.
 
"Bu Bi Zhi Zhuo Dan Yao Dong De Kan Kai"

Went home early today due to severe headache. Mdm Kumari thought I faked and tried picking on me. ArghZ, hate her. Sadly, I've got a great back up, Mr Razak. He solved my problems of running around to get Mrs Lim SL signature. Endured through E.T's period. It was tedious for me and I couldn't really think. Still, I've manage to learnt something. Luckily, E.T is not a boring person.
 
Back at home, took panadol and slept for 3 hours. It was great.
 
Got to sleep now I guess. YawnX..

Haven't been blogging since Thursday? Ha, been busy with work and setting up my blog. Hopefully it's much better now and I do not wish to touch the template anymore. I guess on friday it was a great day for me to have a break. Did nothing much and I slacked the whole day.
 
Saturday was "wonderful". In the morning went to TP to listen to the lecture. It was a waste of time I guess. TP seems like a place where future may be ruin rather than they hold the key to our future. Lolz. The lecturers can't really answer our questions. I think I've lost confidence in them? But, the scenery there is beautiful. I think one of the sayings apply here, "Looks can be deceiving". I've sort of found out that E.T has the calibre to be a lecturer? Haha, maybe he can try being one.
 
After the lecture, my friends and I went loitering around TM and we had our lunch there. I've got a great time catching up with them. In the evening went play badminton with Fish & Co. Haha, we've got a great time. It has been a very long time since we play badminton the last time. I guess that was 1 year plus ago. Went home quite late and I rushed a few sets of my homework, packed my stuff for the next day's NCC Parade and quickly went to sleep.
 
Sunday was my big day I guess. I was the flag barrier for the school. As usual, shagged. Got the chance to meet up with Yvonne and Remy. Didn't know Yvonne will turn up, she has always been MIA for NCC. No doubt she has grown much mature and prettier again. Remy had become fitter and more muscular as before, since joining the Air Borne course. He hadn't finished his course yet, but it'll be soon. He's a ASM (ARMY SEX MANIC) after joining NCC and becoming the CSM of PRCS NCC Land Gold Unit. I guess, as the batch of 2003/2004 USM of PRCS NCC Land Gold Unit, half of the credits should go to him and the rest split between me and my subordinates. He's not a perfect leader but his passion and high level of commitment is something which I do not have.
 
In the finale of the parade, PRCS cadets are mad (including me, myself). I'm happy to see my juniors enjoying themselves. Behind them, I do feel like crying? My USM-ship has finally come to an end. Wo she bu de ma? Yes, it's difficult to let go of the unit that you've contributed your heart and soul to. From a platoon commander I fight for the highest post, USM. It has been tough achieving it. On the way, there's a lot of hardships that I've to yao jing ya guan and go through. Disputes with my subordinates is the problematic thing, who wish to be commanded? Neither do I. Therefore I've aimed for the highest post. Hopefully, I'll be able to transfer all my commitment and passion into my studies now.
 
I felt a sense of pride and dignity when I hold the school flag, hearing my school name being announced as GOLD UNIT. Filled with sadness when everything is over. Everthing will become part of my memories and I'll always remember it. NCC has been my life for 4 years even though I've always been grumbling. Hereby, I would like to say a big thank you to Mr Collin? He has been a great teacher who inspires me. From a arrogant, mischievous, and disobedient Alex, I've learnt to be serious and more sensible. Thanks.

Nice weather again today. Today's PE lesson was held in the hall and we couldn't play games. Many of my friends grumbled. Anyway, PE lesson was enjoyable. It's totally stress relieving. Why? Mr Neo conducted 3 sets of Physical Training. PhewZ, shagged. Muscles are aching right now and I bet it's going to get worse when I wake up tomorrow morning. After being a USM of PRCS NCC Land Unit, I've not been training myself. This is my first year getting Silver for NAPFFA Test. Can you believe it? It's coming from Alex. After being hospitalised during the start of the year, I've lose interest in Physical Training. Naturally, there'll be a drop in stamina. But today's PT has rather bring me back to life. I think PT is needed especially when nearing the O's. It's indeed stress relieving.

Cleared tonnes of homework yesterday night and slept at 12, how wonderful. Lucky to came back early today and got a nap. Sadly, it was a very short one. Nowadays, my naps have been rather short. I don't know why. Maybe I'm sleeping with worries and that's why.

Integration lessons today was a relaxing one. My first lesson in E.T's class - "no stress". Learnt Area Under Graph today and it was interesting. It's not very difficult nor easy. You just have to be careful and read the English properly. Still a newbie to that topic, so made some mistake here and there during tuition just now. If Integration is to be on trigonometry or logarithm, I guess I'll be dying a tragic death. "Sine to Cosine, Cosine to -Sine.. blah blah blah.." I hope I can squeeze some brain juice from Joseph. He's too smart. Recently, heard that he is reading a University Maths related book borrowed from Mrs Chan. YH says he can understand. I don't know, I didn't hear that from Joseph myself. I wonder, if he really understands, he's mad. Anyway, he is a Maths Freak and of course my best of all friends. ArghZ, I envy him but it's all right. I hope I can keep up behind him. I know I can't win him even with lots of practices. He do not even need to practice so much. Sigh, some people just have the brains and you just have to admit defeat. I guess that's part of life too? Hmmz..

Wa, wonderful weather today but my day suck. I love the weather right now. It's cooling and a good time for sleeping. Sadly, I can't. Pack with tonnes of work, shagged. Literature homework is getting far too ridiculous. It's as if I'm taking Literature as the only subject. Darn. My days haven't been good these weeks, so sucky. ArghZ, tired out.

Tomorrow is Geography Common Test and I haven't start studying. Guess I'm burning the oil tonight.

Got a chat with DC, hope she feels better now.

YYH check our Literature homework today and it's a surprise that ALEX LEE J Y didn't do his work! Woot, it's my first time going straight against a teacher. "Do you want to get out of the class not Alex? Or do you want to stay?!" shouted loudly by YYH. In my heart, "Damn you". What I wanted to do was - walk out of the class without saying anything, but I didn't. Again, I tolerated and said, "stay in class". I'm starting to have such thoughts because I can't stand a teacher who keep shouting for no reason. Sudden louds and banging of table - I've enough. It's far too ridiculous, "..as powerless as I, and watched it run its bloody course".

The above quote is from - A View From The Bridge, Arthur Miller - Alferi's monologue, Page 4 of Heinemann Educational Publishers.Haha.

Hopefully, I will be able to sleep early tonight. "Bless me, wish me luck" - again, from the Literature text. X_X. Sayonara.

Feeling dead tired but fingers are itchy, so decided to blog right now. Seems like I've been slacking these days? Playing and figuring out the templates' html. Haha. Now, things are done. Wonderful? Perfect? Can be improve I guess. Nothing is ever perfect and that's life.

Anyway, today's not my day definitely. Early in the morning got a "smack down" by E.T. Sigh, and me, demoralised. Calculated my common test paper, 14 marks for carelessness. Gosh? I think I should start singing Cosine Rule: "C2=A2+B2-2(A)(B)COSIN C". I remember E.T's blog, singing differentiation. Sigh, just because I wrote wrongly, Cosine to Sine. How stupid? What can I say or do? "Alex, forget it lar, you just suck, go get a knife and stab yourself!"? I've been very careless nowadays and what's happening? Reflections has to be done.

During dismissal time, walked pass E.T, "Hey, Mr Lee, what's wrong with you? E Maths and A Maths both clash down ah? Dropping subjects not?" TMD* "NO! No way I'm going to drop A Maths!" I would rather drop Literature. Homework is packing into my life in large quantities for that subject and I still feel hopeless.

Read DC's PTE blog just now. Er, what should I say? I do not know. I'm sorry, my AE Maths are of my concern right now and I do not think I've time for love.
O's are coming and there's no time. Moreover, I'm starting to miss my friends and buddies. Love should remain pure and stable at this stage and at this period of time. Sometimes I'm really sick of things and I do not wish to bother so much, why "zi xun fan nao"? Yes and right, I shouldn't be so petty anymore.

I'm going fly hard for my science and maths, I've got no choice. Competition are tensing nowadays and you can see how evil the world has turned to. Human race do not have conscience anymore these days and why? They believe in, "live life to the fullest". Can I ask, how do you define "fullest", in what ways? Discuss. Maybe I should try to be a English Teacher and ask my students to write this discursive essay. Haha, in my dreams perhaps. But you can't predict the future, maybe this topic may come out in the GCE O LEVEL? =)

Somtimes I hope I could lie on my bed the whole day and think about life once more. It makes me wiser. The last time I did that was - in hospital bed. I saw different people in and out, different works of life. Frankly, I miss those days because you sleep for all you want and food is serve right in front of you. Moreover, it's a healthy diet.

I think I better get going now and don't think that I'm going to do Literature homework. Zzz.

Wanted to blog yesterday, but it was too late. Kind of tired, and decided to "catch" time and sleep. Yesterday was a "Rushing Day" I guess. Fly through my homework. What to blame? NCC DAY! Should I call it a Waste Time Day? Maybe I should. Did my chemistry 10 year series and realised that there're a few important concepts which I still do not understand. SHIT? When I did the other TYS, it was easy. What the hell, what's my standard? I'm confused.

Anyway, didn't enjoy my sleep again, woke up several times during the night. Maybe I was afraid that I might over slept? Ha, I've never been late for any occasion due to over sleeping. So, why was I worried? Perhaps, I just can't help it. My worries are often unnecessary.

Woke up feeling grouchy today. Sunday burned for NCC. How many people are there who are so willing to do so? All that turned up feeling "lan lan". Like me, they complained. Moreover, it's nearing the O's, studies should come first. Anyway, I was praying for rain all the way, but it didn't really did. It turn out to be drizzling and the parade went on. Once again, shagged.

Didn't regret going for today's rehearsal after all as it was no longer lonely like the previous time. Got to know 2 new friends, JS and WK. They're nice people to get along with and I chatted with them a lot. We exchanged numbers too. On the way back, got JT to keep me company. He was complaining that he was tired. -_-" I was like "huh?". He was marching and need not hold any rifle or flag. I was holding on to the school flag! Who should be the one complaining? -_-" Anyway, the traveling period was a waste of time. I hope I could just teleport? Haha. It's from one end of Singapore to the other - Boon Lay to Pasir Ris! JT says 27 stops, and if each stop is to take 2 minutes, it's 54 minutes in total! If we include places like Raffles Place interchange or City Hall, it may not be simply 2 minutes. Moreover, it's a weekend. X_X

Now, eyes are feeling sleepy and blogging right now is kind of tedious. Got a good massage from myself just now. Feeling "shiok"! Ha, sometimes I hope there can be another Skyzlex. So I can massage myself rather than calling people to massage for me. I'm a good massager, and my friends know. Hazwan was impressed with my skills and keeps pestering me to massage for him whenever he gets the opportunity.

"To get a good massager you've to pay and if u don't, you'll just get a massager who doesn't know your body. Result that you'll get from a bad massager - internal injuries. So do not massage anyhow." That's what I heard from Chinese physician. Zzz.

PhewZ, finally done constructing my blog? Ha, been trying to figure things out here. Sigh. Anyway, setup a blog maybe because of Mr E.T. Perhaps inspired by his? Ha. His blog look "chim" with his words. Can't help it, no doubt he's a good teacher.

Exhausted by the day. My afternoon nap was like shit? Didn't slept well. Well, shouldn't have slept. When I woke up, I don't feel refresh. I feel the same as before. -_-"

Anyway, taught some admin work to my juniors, so came back home late. Promise my mum that I would be back home for lunch. Sigh, can't help it. No money, must save. Came back home 3 plus and so hungry.

Today's A maths lesson was challenging. The questions looked difficult but it's easy when you see the solutions. Sigh, it's just the basics. You just got to refer back to it. Maybe I'm still not good enough, still lack of practice. Find my maths deproving, feeling like shit nowadays. Sometimes I just hope that I can don't bother so much things and sit right down in my room and practice. It just seems like, I can't? Maybe first thing is - have enough sleep first.

Tomorrow is the day for me to sleep! Ha, I think I'm going to enjoy this Saturday. But bad news - going to grandma's house. Zzz. I hope I can stay at home? Sunday is going to be a shit day for me. NCC DAY rehearsal! Fainted. Flag barrier some more, shag. 1 day of studying down. Sigh. I should use Mr Tan's phrase, "lump of shit". That's what I'm feeling this week. Perhaps I should sleep now, got to treasure time. Sigh.