hot summer days.

we've complicate love ourselves?

we did, making rounds, making turns.

reality sets in over time and we forgot about the simplicity of hugs, kisses and love; someone whom you could connect with.

he wants simple, she wants simple. yet, we think in complexity in a different frequency.

sometimes, we're all waiting for the TIME.

sometimes, we do not know when the deadline will come.

OPPOSITE SEX.

thinking, words are always on a contradictory.

mind and heart ain't connecting. the sexes ain't connecting as well.

however, love isn't perfect. it's hurtful, it's everything you've got to risk.

it's cracked up into pieces, but yet you can always piece it back without realizing it.

today, what's with us?

i could decipher, i could guide others fairly well.

yet, i couldn't get mine right.

简单

finished "海派甜心".

其实爱可以很简单. 不是吗?

或许, 现实上是个不可能的梦.

anyway, i do not why i'm into drama recently. especially i didn't expect myself to watch 海派甜心 after 下一站, 幸福.

in the 1st place, i didn't like the image of Luo Zhi Xiang and the act cute Yang Chen Ling and the so called Taiwan idol drama. perhaps, out of curiosity... like why so many people are into the show？

then i realized, it's actually quite good.

the start was funny, subsequently there were quite a no. of touching scene at the back. short & sweet, total of 14 episode.

下一站, 幸福 not much like a common Taiwan idol series. many emotional scene, many good sentences to ponder about... but maybe a little draggy. and if you probably "chiong" one shot, you can get ready a few tissue box.

now became one of those whose addicted to the song "雨爱".

=.=

and every story has it's meaning.. i mean i do not know how to pen it all down at one shot about how i feel towards certain things which i've watched. perhaps when i come across again, then some cross referencing.

勇气

suppressed uncertainties

no doubt, it was all the jealousy.

no doubt, it was all the disappointments.

leading to mistrust, fear.

bursted.

i was just being myself.

if every woman needs to be respected, then...

every man has their pride.

baby, sorry.

当你爱一个人

你会担心
你会在乎
你会关心
你会因为他而烦
你会因为他而生气
你会因为他而伤心

只有他.

superb tired today. x.X

担心

mid way of "海派甜心". not bad, it's funny and a little touching. still, i think "下一站, 幸福" is better.

one of the episode got me recall the time when i was really worried, i kept calling but no one picked up. ended up, she was hospitalized due to accident. as i watch, i laughed to myself...

had some conversation with P. i guess i've became a r/s consultant.

many a times, as time pass by, we forgot how or what make us admire and appreciate our spouse very well. no doubt, the love hormones are kicking in place, and when you hit the sweetest part of your r/s, that's where the hormones are drained concurrently as well. when it ended or when you feel like ending it, you probably couldn't understand why you feel that way.

overtime, flaws get magnified and something which you probably start to feel irritated by. as said, everyone has to understand the evolution of a r/s, stagnancy is a natural process which you need to accept, and it requires consistent effort.

each r/s when you end, somehow or another you feel the regrets later and probably out of guilt for the promises which you once made and failed to fulfill. it's something which you probably can't hide.

a long term r/s is sth a couple should be proud of, because it's love through time.

yet, somehow i do not how to untie mine.

as i observe and listen,

其实初恋是最珍贵的. 因为他的开始是当我们的心最纯真的时刻. 尤其是他教了你如何去爱一个人.

有很多人往往进入了下一段感情的时候, 往往还是忘不了. 而选择了离开, 到了最后还是后了悔.



我爱听你对我唱着歌的声音
我爱在焰火下与你相吻的瞬间
我爱你与我吃最爱口味冰欺凌的感觉

当你每晚入眠时, 想起的会是他
当你一睡醒时, 想念在你床边的人会是他
在白天的时候偶尔也会想起.. 他.

其实一切都因为爱还存在...

busy.

cny has been pretty packed up this year. had been the "duty driver" for my family the past few days, rushing from places to places. it's indeed very tiring. each day i'm home abt 3-4am, and waking up at 9 plus 10, dozing off at relative's place from time to time.

cny brief.

rental was made the very last min. and shockingly, i got a manual car. i cursed and swear to my buddy, because it was so last minute then i knew that it was manual. nevertheless, i've got to make do with it and adapt to changes.

the start got my palms all sweaty. engine got stalled at traffic lights like 2-3 times, reverse gear can't be pulled in because there's this gear 6, and you got to lift up the safety catch to go into reverse. all these happened on my way home.

so i practiced a few rounds down my block and get myself familiarize. later in the evening after reunion dinner, sent grandpa and aunty home successfully without any issues.

now i'm HOOKED to driving manual if i'm NOT tired & NO jams. it's NOT fun holding to half clutch during jams.

anyway had quite a bit of black jack fun at JK's house on CNY 1st day, all the way at CCK till late. i had like 5-6x blackjack. i was even interviewed by JK's mum and aunties. =.=... like they seriously need a son-in-law or sth. they even questioned JK why never introduce me to her sister who's like 22 going 23. n yea, JK is my man, younger than me, 18/19 i think.

2nd day rushed through the visiting, and some walking with family. therefore celebrate J's bday at K with the rest. played blackjack as well, but lost this time.

3rd day, which is today. had some fun with texas poker and a little blackjack. got me recovered abit. phew. and now, just came back from some chill out. in 4 hrs time, i'll be in for work then. seems like the highlights are gambling.

shagged.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

the fall.

P asked me, if she had a fall how would you response?

i replied, "i would ask how she had her fall? where she injured herself? and how serious is it? after meeting her, i would ask how or take a look at how it was, help her rub, or give a kiss on her wounds."

she replied, "i got nothing out of all these. only dots from his text message. and he took sometime to actually ask me how it was after the dots"

she told me she felt very disappointed.

and i wonder if i can been too caring? O.o

and so i told her, don't compare me to your partner. i mean, if you compare, all you face would all be disappointments. so why disappoint yourself?

i mean if you love somebody, you would lover his/her everything. actually, it's irregardless of how he/she treats you.

and on his part, he's probably looking at his wild cards. does this mean this r/s is facing a danger? probably since it has been 2-3 years. passion seems to be diminishing. and yeah, a guy could probably love a lady for 3-4 years at max.

what happens if he still loves you after that time frame? does that exceed the meaning of true love?

it seems like it's always the case where, the more you love, the more he/she will leave. the harder he/she is able to get, the more you love. when you got ditched, you probably dying to have him/her back. when the dying part stops, then probably out of the blue, he/she wants you back.

don't judge how much you can love somebody. the amt of love holds no boundaries. don't weigh love with reality, you'll never be able to feel it. love can't be kept consistent, amt is undefined at everyday, every part of your life.

it's just about, as long as you still love him/her and you hope to have him/her in you life , walking the journey isn't it?

why complicate the word L-O-V-E?



i don't know what's holding me back.

maybe, i'm afraid.

contradictions vs fire/ appreciation.

sometimes, women are seriously very contradicting as of i observe verses some personal past experiences.

as a guy...

when you plan, they may find that everything is pre-planned.

when you don't plan, they find you not putting any effort, boring, no longer interested, and probably tired of the r/s as they assume.

when you didn't say she changed..

she said: you say i've changed what..

in the first place, they probably tell you "i'm already gone", doesn't that imply that the old you, or the one you knew has gone?

end up, i probably have to say something understanding, to feel for her... "i know you didn't, you're hurt, you're disappointed, you didn't meant to say anything as such.." and they probably start sobbing.

of course, i mean it, and not just trying to make her feel better by lying.

sometimes... man just keep guessing, guessing.

perhaps, we no longer could feel those feelings we could where someone could make our blood rush when we see him/her. probably because our hormones has changed as we grow older.

probably we're no longer seeing love, because we're weighing so much of reality (family, financially, status, values etc etc) with love.

so how can true love be felt?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

appreciation.

i'm not flirting. and i didn't.

so C said i'm damn funny. i don't know if she does mean it, but she say she do.

and i don't know how i did manage to make her kept saying i'm damn funny.

maybe i sounded stupid? =X

so as i replied,

i thought i was a boring guy since the day she probably chose to leave.

so yeah, she said i wasn't. and she never thought of me as an uninteresting guy.

so as i mention a little about the past,

i'm claimed to be sweet.

i thought i probably didn't put enough effort through the years.

after some conversing, she said i could still remember so clearly.

of course, everything is as still vivid.

i guess i've done enough, with a sincere heart through the years.

no matter how busy i was, i always manage to fork out time to do the many things i could.

be it sending french toast, be it washing the whole car all by myself, be it tidying the drawers or cupboards, surprise flowers/chocolates, the TLC i gave when it comes to being sick, the dedication of song when a liveband is performing, be it the many help i could give to the family or the one i truly love, be it the many sweet things i could have done with my heart or think of at that point of time (of course i'm better filled with even more ideas now). and it was despite work which starts as early as in the early morning like 7am to school, doing these in the noon or in between hours before going for tuition sessions.

at the end, this r/s is considered as not worth to stick to, as claimed by others. or actually, "there are many better guys out there".

yeah, i'm not any one of the better ones. perhaps, i've never been good enough.

probably even lazy as insulted before.

isn't it?

sometimes i seriously do feel i did enough.

i've tried hard enough to be an all rounder, doing whatever i could.

carry on recalling the things you felt i've not done. or even hide.

no one is perfect, but i've always tried to be.

i may not have the wealth, but a heart.

i know you have too, hence...

that's why i love you.

but

i don't deserve this.

sweet.

thank you L for your appreciation and comment on my previous post.

anyway, lecture was successfully conducted with some sweat at MPH.

fun.

my voice can be loud still, yet the stamina for lasting seem to be lost.

probably i've spoiled it last time.

somehow every work of mine, end up in some teaching/guiding roles be it in school, temp jobs or whatever work i'm dealing with.

probably except when i was previously in MNC aviation co., it somehow utilized the creative part of me and my com skills.

anyway, while i was at starbucks just now, there was a couple celebrating their v'day in advance.

sweet.

initially, i caught a glance of the man opening the present. out of curiosity, i look further in detail (aka KPO), then it was a nicely done up love diary done up by the lady. bet they've been together a couple of years. so every page were filled with lovely photos and short notes.

the lady tear-ed a little. probably felt the effort she put in, and seeing the appreciation from her bf (looking at it in detail).

love can be simple isn't it? simply at starbucks, exchange of gift to celebrate their love, their journey.

love is about each other, it should be irregardless of reality. don't weigh reality with love. then, you're living superficially.

fire can be difficult to keep up if the other party ain't adding any oil.

ultimately, for a r/s to work, both parties has to be ready to commit for a life time.

it's never about being tired, it's never about giving up.

because biologically we're not built to last.

but we can learn through valuing & appreciating.

it's about learning to give and take, learning to celebrate the journey, it's about standing by, be it the good or bad times, being supportive, it's about the care, concern and love you can give despite illness or wealth.

有时候的我是不是太在乎...

反而,望了自己...

leaping.

darn. i've got to conduct medical "lecture" tomorrow, as corrected by S while talking to her.

thanks thanks. thank you for being there, giving me support, hearing me.

i really appreciate. =)

just realized i'm conducting for 256 recruits，which is more than my course of 120 people in chem eng.

i was still happily preparing my lesson plan and notes for the 256 of them (mass production) which i think it had never happened before.

kinda get my palms sweaty already at the thought of it.

GODDDDDDDD... so long never do such a thing.

seems like the whole training institute is recognizing me as the senior medic. hopefully, this way, i could get & fight for m,y promotion. my resume will look nicer as well.

recent indent was quite screwed as information wasn't passed down to me.

everyone is begging for my cooperation literally. because i don't accept last minute indent. my man will suffer & me as well... so i don't really like to entertain them.

high key till end of march. x.x

got a no. of personal thanks and appreciation from the instructors/officers today.

feels good.

anyway, got permission that i can whack them at the MPH tomorrow.

anyway, got to hear a bad news about one of my buddy.

sad.

shan't elaborate. but the issue is being unfaithful, not the BGR kind.

sometimes i do wonder if people do value the ones whom they actually had spent most of their time or part of their life with somebody or a family. whereby, he/she could actually standby you, be it the good or bad times together with the family.

or has that been taken for granted?

still looking the that initial rush of "in love" hormones which you would like to feel? if one never understand the evolution of a long term r/s, then i guess every r/s will never seem to work out. then, the love which you probably ended up with, is by chance, timing where it's time to get married, divorce probably happen 20 years later as well.

true love is where when you're so old and wrinkled, you still want to hold her hands.

"living together is like best friends" & only till the last breathe, she is then considered your wife who has walked the journey with you.

true isn't it? because in between, you may just get divorce as well.

no wonder some people have flings and etc.

isn't that a way to cheapen their self proclaim values of love?

yeah, say that i'm conservative.

i'm not liberal.

value & appreciate, time & people.

19站

我的在乎, 或许就这样...

被遗忘了.

surge of anger.

i can't sleep.

hence, i'm here, to vent.

right now, i probably have this feeling of taken for granted.

i know it's not right to think that way, it'll probably be against you.

i shan't elaborate.

recall to your best memories.

so do you weigh love with reality (i.e. financial issues, family etc etc)?

today, you may have everything given to you.

you can be gracious.

but at the start, when you had NOTHING, who was there when you needed someone the most?

who was gracious then?

don't always say like i've done nothing, when you only remember/recall what's not done.

i may not be the best, no doubt i did gave my best in ways i could.

humans are forgetful, are we?

i hate this feeling.

you know?

spare a thought, be fair to me.



at the end of the day, your choice of who you wanna walk with till the end.

someone, somebody, be it health or wealth.

i'm so NOT the one. isn't it?

i'm SOOOO INCAPABLE in taking care of someone, somebody.

you see knife piercing through over and over?

it is.



God, you there?

death.

every post seems so long. and i'm just bragging to myself. hah. anyway...

send 2 REC to the A&E. being a nice sgt, i guess i'm being too friendly? but i still wanna draw some line that they are the REC. in fact, 1 of them is older than me, and the other was the same age. but, i didn't disclose mine.

sound sad, but got to know about this story from this REC who's older than me. he is currently attached thou for 3.5 years? and he said this was his 2nd longest r/s. so out of curiosity, i asked him...

"so how long was your longest?"

"4 years."

"what happen?"

"she passed on in a car accident, by a hit and run driver."

sad. how young she was and yet, died just like that. he took 2-3 years to grief the loss of his love.

so it brought me back on 2012 which i watched yesterday again, the second time.

so the couple which divorced, and later the other (women) moved on to getting married to another... yet, when near death love still came back to the ex husband. or rather is it because it has always been there, but it was never realized and taken for granted?

only when crisis is faced, only then you realize that the person who's always there to go through them with you is missing?

sometimes, instead of feeling taken for granted, why not feel appreciated? because actually people do appreciate, but they often do not talk it out? people are too embrassed to voice appreciation? it's just like, "is the cup empty, or half filled?"

yet, again here, am i finding reasons for myself to feel better?

perhaps, i regard it as a conceptual of mind.

if your suspicions or assumptions gave you reasons to be against the person, then there's definitely hypothesis which you can draw out to actually defend that person and make yourself feel better isn't it?

in the first place, it no assumptions or suspicions were made, you wouldn't need to do the latter.

grandma asked me, "will you cry for me if i die oneday?" back then, i didn't know how to answer. but i said sth like i think i will? because you never thought that you would or could imagine the loss of someone. but when that day came, and i cried badly.

i could still remember for that moment, i wanted to run out of the hospital A&E, non-stop. i couldn't, so i hit the wall of the griefing room very hard, pounding it.

she could have been saved. yet, emergency call was made late, paramedic came late as well.

perhaps, this was a reason why i had became a medic.

perhaps, god heard my cries. "how could.. how could..."

now, at least i know i wouldn't let such a thing happen again to my family or my dearest ones, as long as they are within my reach.

i probably will be stunt, but i wouldn't panick. and i would do the necessary as i could, because time is important. panicking doesn't help. and before i ORD, i'll definitely prepare a rescue set at home. at least, an OPA.

i could still remember back then the playful me, when i wanted to break up, she was the one who taught me how could i treat a girl like that.

then, i learnt how to take care of someone, and overtime, learning to respect, letting go of my pride and ego for r/s; for someone, i love.

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anyway, 2 sets of articles i came across on r/s...

"Can you remember those first few months, when separation from her or him was pure torture? Where there were not two bodies but only a single body with four arms and four legs - no separation of thought, emotion or feelings? You and your partner were truly one.

What caused that! It didn't come from thinking or planning. It came from out of the blue. And not only that, it was so strong that it completely floored you. And right away, perhaps you made the mistake of saying the "you" were in love.

"We" are never in love; love just happens. It comes on it's own and when the time is right, it goes away on its own regardless of how we feel about it. By then, however, commitments are made, social and religious mores are mechanically set into motion, and regardless of how restricted we may feel, or dependent, or attached, or all of the other feelings that arise when the initial intense love feeling goes away - we are stuck.

The arrival of the first child usually wipes out any romantic notions, if they hadn't been crunched already. (Please remember that I am talking about the incredible, impossible to maintain feeling of romantic love, not the mature, almost business-like arrangements of a mature relationship based on mutual trust and compassion for the other person, along with the responsibility of raising children). But the romantic love, at least the way it was first felt, will never come back in exactly the same way.

Some people, understanding this, go from partner to partner never making any commitments because they know that the initial rush of a love affair will die quickly. And when it does, they can then go and find another. Of course, the problem is that like mainstreaming heroin, it takes more and more for less and less, and pretty soon the senses become desensitized and romantic love dies for good regardless of how creative we are in attempting to dredge it back up.

Either way - getting involved in a lifetime commitment based on an initial rush of love, or playing love until it is exhausted - we must eventually settle for second best regarding that tremendous, exhilarating feeling of freedom that maybe once in our lifetime we experienced - that feeling called unconditional love where we would sacrifice our lives, maybe even kill for our beloved. It's hard to fathom that in time, that feeling might change to where we want to kill our beloved!

And this now brings us to the point of discussing feelings.

Feelings come and go, just as thoughts and emotions come and go. When we act on a thought, emotion or feeling, we are responsible for all that washes over us because of that reaction. And usually the aftermath of acting on a strong emotion or feeling is tenfold more disturbing than the initial feeling of exuberance - or anger. There is nothing wrong with the feelings; they just happen. it is what we do with them that matters deeply.

Nature's provision of temporary insanity between lovers insures procreation of the species. However, lovers don't understand this, and when that first moment of boredom comes up in their romantic relationship, rather than accept the fact that the love dream is ending, what do lovers do? They plan out their future! This allays the boredom and allows them to pretend that their feelings of love can continue. This is the first step of delusion. This is where thought takes the place of the real, initial feeling of love, and where a huge displacement of reality takes place.

Then, the relationship, if it continues, becomes more or less a dependency in order to fill a void or hole in each other - all justified by social and religious mores. The couple, still dazed from their initial feelings of freedom, which is love, now buy into the whole scenario of social responsibility. And the divorce rate continues at about fifty percent!

Admitting that a mature relationship has nothing to do with romantic love, and everything to do with mutual dependency (taking care of each other's needs), goes a long way in cementing a long term relationship. So the next time you are about to tell your partner that you love them, simply say instead that, "I depend on you to fill a void in myself, therefore I love myself more than you!" Well, it's true isn't it? If you say no, then you might be in a serious state of denial or delusion!

So, what then is the most important thing in a romantic relationship?

The most important thing in a romantic relationship is understanding how our minds and emotions work. Understanding that all things change. And understanding that whatever we do based on feelings, emotions and, yes, even thought, will more often than not eventually come back around to bite us. But how can we live without feelings, emotions and thought?

Living beyond knee-jerk reactions brought on feelings, emotions, and thoughts is possible; it's called living by insight and wisdom.

And these two, insight and wisdom, are the doors to real, never-ending, unconditional love."

"Many women struggle to understand why their last relationship has failed or how to get back on track in their current one. Too many times we just say that we must have picked the wrong person or we just can not get along with anyone. Many women forget that we have the ability with in ourselves to either make a good decision or a bad one. Of course, women want to make the best decisions all the time. Unfortunately this is not always the case. If you really want to understand why you can't make a relationship work or you are committed to making your current one last, you need to give 100% of yourself to the effort of improving your relationships. You need to be willing to look at not your partner but with in your own self to see what you need to work on.

You need to learn to be much disciplined in regards to yourself. Regardless of your hectic day or how well you slept last night you must constantly be aware of the manner in which you're speaking to your partner. This can be the actual words you say, your tone or your pattern of speech. You need to remember that unprovoked harsh or rude speech is never okay and you have no excuse. You need to not let your anger or annoyance at outside situations bleed into your relationship and cause you to unleash on your partner. While is it part of your partner's responsibility to be your friend and sounding board through tough times, they should never be your emotional punching bag.

Your ego must always come in a distant second to the importance of your relationship. Those couples who have long with standing relationships have let their egos completely go. Many women just like to say that they are stubborn, like it or not. Unfortunately most of the time you will have a partner that chooses the latter. Really what they are being is selfish and inflexible which will only lead to a lonely life. This attitude will turn people away and is the cause of a great deal of issues that happen with in relationships.

Being committed to your own growth as a person can only enhance the quality of your relationship you must know yourself before you can let anyone else really know you. This is done through a constant process of questioning, learning and discovering. Not only about relationships but about how to properly communicate with your partner. You need to be able to really tap into what your partner is feeling instead of being so focused on what is going on your own mind. This will lead to a deep respect for each other that will help in those times when you do disagree. It will enable to work out your differences in a calm, controlled way.

Basically to be able to make a relationship last for the long haul you and your partner need to be a team. Teams stick together until the end of the game and always have their eye on the finish line. The masters of relationships know that it is a continuous process and takes constant work."

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if love happen by chance,

then maintaining needs some work.

giving up, isn't a choice nor a decision.

choice of methods in making it work, should be the way.



sometimes, i have my fear.

这幸福的碎片, 有时候我真的还不知道该怎么捡...

会不会有那么一天, 你会再陪我捡...

HATE.

i hate people who bullshit about perspectives.

i do hate people doing things behind my back. who doesn't?

but my tummy can be very big in eating bullets.

looking at a different perspective, putting my emotions in their shoes, be self-less.

drop all assumptions & expectations.

show a little more understanding and acceptance.

like what i told my man today?

i seem to manage work issues and r/s fairly well and gave 100% understanding and acceptance. but why not love? it's because i'm more rational and logical when it boils down to work? because i see work as a challenge/problem to solve and not something personal?

for the next few paragraphs, i regard it as an emotional perspective.

vent vent...

no doubt i hate this feeling every now and then. but each time, i find reasons for love, to defend, to give myself more breathing space.

people who doesn't know me well probably thinks that i'm always, or look confident. confidence? i don't have it all the time. i have my fears to a certain extend, and i believe everyone has that, but they don't voice it?

everytime, i feel being hammer down by comments or as what i see. i push myself up again, and to carry on what i hope i could achieve or make it at the end.

in different aspect, being selfish, we feel we did a lot, our expectations grew further, we start to feel unappreciated and to some point, taken for granted.

at one perspective, we may see ONLY what he/she has done, but the other party may not see it and vice versa. we think that it's ONLY what, then... what happens if he/she could do it prolong despite time out of his/her heart or passion?

and i hate those whom try to influence or should it in proper terms; "bullshit perspective", where they themselves actually failed many times without actually working on it, or at least as they claim they believe.

making themselves cheap in their self proclaim values.

sorry that i'm so.. crude.

just... venting.

at least i'm being truthful here. unlike the way people try to put across in hidden feelings.

am i too frank in this post?

100% no reservation.

sorry if i made anyone feel guilty conscious. it's not for you to feel that way, but to reflect.

don't take my honesty/truthfulness for granted as well, cause i believe no one has that courage.

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"a moment of truth" as i watched recently, an U.S game show. For 500K, will you reveal the truth about your thoughts/dirty/kinky/ sorry things you did before behind your wife's back or your unrevealed past which you think you shouldn't have said and just get married?

simple as it seems, but contestant struggles to speak.

this would probably make your r/s or your family flip totally! and the detector is just in your hands, analyzing you.

so you see married man whom they did the many sad and sorry things behind their wife's back.

yet, years back... "oh, i was so madly deeply in love with him... he's so truthful... i'm gonna marry him!" CHOP! you're so cheated.

"my lies passed with distinction." =.=.. man are bastards isn't it? but that's what probably made women love them more?

ironic. when you're in here, you feel this way. when you're out, you feel the other.

hence, know where your contentment lies clearly.

for money or for love?

to sustain love, you hide, you chose to keep.

for money, you chose to make the love you sustain, cry or even tear.

why can't people be truthful at the start?

any reasons for the choice you made?

r/s when it hit about an average of 7 years, it means boredom to people.

it's also termed "the 7-year itch". & a man could sustain his passion for someone he love, 3-4 years. hence, i guess not many man could actually love a person that long?

till now, i'm still ask myself why, and why couldn't it be stopped.

i could find a thousand reasons why i hate you. yet, i couldn't find any reason in loving you. is that why?

damn. myself.

meeting agenda.

after much meeting with dad, the path which i wanna take is more or less settled.

after much discussion and analysis of financial issues, overseas to UQ is out.

estimated of 100k for 2 years could probably buy me a car then.

hence, i guess taking a part time degree/degree in nus would be the choice.

in 3.5 years of studies, if i manage to clinch a good paying job, and taking a part time degree in my field of specialization, then i guess working at the same time, & gaining of work experience would be beneficial.

as i look over job opening recently, a dip. holder working as a sales engineer would get probably abt 2.7K? i guess in my industry, at least i could get about 2K since i've finished my NS? shipping companies are paying pretty much as well, and there are various openings for that.

afterall my experience at HR, it's work experience that counts. a degree is basic, and it shouldn't be a lousy degree.

by the end of 3.5 years, my pay would estimated to be the same or even more than the starting pay of a full time grad who just started working?

if tuition is squeezable into my daily schedule, i guess it shouldn't be much of a problem.

then travelling schedules would be pretty hectic then. and dad has agreed to support me a car to reduce time for travelling then. hence, squeezing tuition in would pretty much cover up my monthly expenses like petrol, parking and etc which i've got to pay for myself. and that's provided if my perm job pay is lousy.

and the cost of my degree inclusive of car, would definitely cost less than 100k? very soon, i guess mum would be working full-time, bro will be going army.

and let's hope my sis would be going to JC, and expenses would be even much lesser in the coming 3 years, at least till i finish my degree. her grades has been like 5-6As out of 8 subjects.

edu funds are also up next year, and can be withdrawn very soon. financially studying in singapore would be less stressful for my family as well.

students whom i use to teach 2 years back before i enlist, are now secondary 3/4. some NA are gonna be sec 5, and recently i'm in contact with them again. hopefully, they would need some guidiance for their BIG exams in the next 2 years and will look for me.

tuition for me will limit to sec 3 to sec 5. and i guess i should start trying to teach pure physics and chem, since i'm already a chem eng poly grad. these levels are much easier to teach, and i'm able to communicate and touch their hearts better.

and if i'm still jobless after ORD, i should tentatively go back to secondary school to teach and know more students while looking for a job. of course, as of now, it's time to be busy with updating of resume, sending resume for potential job openings, getting of testimonials from my doctors, and sending of university application in the coming 2 months.

i guess part time in b.tech NUS (chem eng) shouldn't be a problem? most of my course mates manage to get it. and thank god that i chose a versatile course to further in various industry, be it sciences, engineering or business.

this course in nus is pretty good, which i consider it a stepping stone to get my masters. meanwhile, freelance/short/mid/long term investment will always be on a lookout for.

after my degree, i would bang around in the industry for some years before i probably (get married or not), get my masters (before or after marriage), and bang around again to see if i'm able to climb the cooperate ladder and make it BIG then.

by 30s, if nothing seems to get any better/stress level is too BIG or when i no longer wish to take on high stress level, then.. i'll go to some polytechnic and be lecturer. hence, a masters is a need for teaching in tertiary level... (and it doesn't matter if i get it before or after i got married).

teaching has been my passion anyway.

so what risk am i taking in my life? a route which probably i may not waste too much time, and not be fully into investments as well. because i'll always bare in mind the level of risk on a full time scale basis. as long as earnings are sufficient, some investments are made, then, financial worries shouldn't exist.

and hopefully when i'm in my late 30s, i'll be then able to share some business with a friend which i can call it my own.

a nice condo, a car or 2 should be achieveable.

life seems to be getting shorter.

soon, we'll be hitting our 30s.

so i guess the path is set.

what a long break i had theese almost 1 year 10 months.

since 17, i hadn't had a break eh?

6 more months to get everything started, to get life as busy as what i use to have before i was enlist. still remember i had school/work in the day, afternoon tuition/night tuition, sending french toast during/meet lunch, picking up later after work.

sweet? lovely? busy?

i say, blissful.

humans are not built to sustain in long term relationship due to our hormones. starting a new r/s may be fresh and hormones enhancing, but how long does it last?

some people could give up their 4-5 years r/s and regret later, yet probably trying to find someone who's replaceable after sometime. they lose faith, so they begin having one short r/s one after another.

worthiness can only determined by both of us.

to me, i know this story is worth continuing because..

if it's determined as unworthy, not worth holding onto, then i guess many do not understand that a r/s is about trying non stop, giving chances and opportunities. a cracked up r/s which has been through storms over time should be something we're proud of.

i probably could find a thousand reason why i hate you, but i couldn't find any reason why i still love you, despite the number of years and i guess i've never failed to do the sweet little things i could/should? and i've never treat it as i could or i should, it's always out of my heart.

have i truly failed?

but if we're able to go through so much in life, be it the good and bad, be it the happiness and sorrows, it means something isn't it?

recently as i watched ren ci's charity, i see old couples taking care of one another, despite illness or wealth.

爱是那份包容,
爱是那份坚持...

当你认定了她是你最后的目标的时候, 想陪着她一起努力, 她却选择了离开...

想陪着你, 一起努力的你, 又去了那里?

时间过了那么久,

你给了机会吗?