Have you ever wonder… (extracted from http://newheightslifecoaching.typepad.com) with personal reviews...

Have you ever wondered: “Why is our relationship so hard? Things were so perfect when we first met - what happened?” Most likely, the answer is that you’ve left the first stage of your relationship, and have moved into another.

many a times we left feelings unresolved and moved on to another r/s. through time, we almost forgotten how the most real feelings was like to be in a true r/s. maybe like what C told me, even though she might be with a new guy now, she still misses her ex. but all she did was to psychologically tell herself that things has changed or he had change and isn't the one she loves. yet, it seems that through time, people actually do play a part in the deepest part of our souls.

so what happen today? is it ego that are keeping us from the many things we wish to salvage in life? or is it the case that people can actually forget those beautiful memories? only when we experience the hurt again, only then we'll learn to appreciate what has always been there?

But could it really be that easy?

Yes! Most people understand that relationships grow and change over time… but what many people don’t know is that they tend to evolve in the same way. There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth. And if you want your relationship to evolve into one of mutual respect, love and intimacy, it’s likely that you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another. Take a look at the description of each phase – does any of this sound familiar?

Before we get started, you should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.*

Okay, now that I’ve given you the basic info, let’s dig a little deeper….

5 Stages of Committed Relationships

Stage 1 – The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing (that's where they say love is blind, and one day you get shot and woke up from your dreams). You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 – The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 – The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

Stage 4 – The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 – The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner's habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together - you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

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so what are you going for today?

butterflies in your stomach? romance?

or do you find someone who truly loves you?

i was once told, all it matters was how much you love me.

i guess no matter how long you date doesn't matter. wedding ceremonies doesn't matter as well.

what matters is, how long can you truly love somebody and hurdle through the many things in reality and creates a true relationship at the end of the day?

sometimes, i wonder where is the true value of a relationship which you have formed with somebody.

but well, love is blind as they say.

and change is as good as the end of a chapter or a death of a person.

everyone knows.

"why cherish people who doesn't cherish you?"

"what you've understood today, isn't what she does."

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Dear CPL Armour Technician Boy,

you better do what's right.

i've got all the fuck details i have of you.

take good care of your weak body.

i don't blame you for all the ugly situation and results we all have today.

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Well, life's been busy.

Lessons have started.

Studies and career are my top priority.

Language studies are upcoming next, and so much so for playing of strings.

Good news for my investments.

Maturity are soon to come.

So does ORD.

Fitness are maintaining well. Running 5KM every now and then with my Doctor. Trying to clock between 15 ~20 minutes @ 5Km. i think it's good enough and running every other 2 days, toning at every other alternate days @ gym.

Otherwise, how to eat more nice and good food?!

Infusion for patients getting more and more skillful esp. after giving medical lessons for the special breed and more and more practice with the no. of patients and casualties from day to day.

shall focus and work hard and smart for the next 3 years.

life is short, live it well.

we don't have much time to lose.

keep learning, don't stop.

Cheers! =)

as per requested by my dear friends who loves to read on my perspectives on r/s, love etc.

since then, i'm thinking of revamping my whole blog or probably shift to a new one with animations n etc involve, maybe on lifestyles, fashion, food, and human relationships. who knows i may become a celebrity blogger? haha. dream dream. wait till i fully get my laptop fixed, and master dreamwaver with photoshop cs5.

my bro did, i don't believe i couldn't.

give me some time then.

i wanted to keep it simple, but well.. we should get complicated. or life is.. isn't it?

maybe i should ask myself why i should stop typing?

sorry for any tenses and etc for this entry. i kinda cant be bothered to type properly at sucha time.

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在你左右

你是否曾想过你最爱的人欺骗过你吗？

有些人能够很潇洒的拿起让后放下

有些人不管时间过了多久都会怀旧

今天的你属于了那一类型的人?

maybe like what my brother shared with me the other day... humans are never satisfied.

you have been there, always there. there are many little things which you may have done, the efforts, your sweat; your persistence brought you through time. people's lifestyle changes, perspective about many things changes.

things started to be taken for granted. i.e. for the little thing you brought, all your heart and soul was probably a token hoping that this little gift would be a charm to protect the dearest one you love. yet, you probably seen it chucked aside. disappointed?

i was kinda chatting with L, then i was mentioning about this bag of greenbeans which my grandma probably gave it to be while i was young. till today, it's still in my couple, power rangers pencil case, envelopes and etc. even say stickers, which i probably used a few, i would at least keep the last one just to remember that it was once grandma/aunt who brought me. today when i see it, i'll remember who has given me what, though the place/date that is probably not recorded.

many of us love to receive surprises, love and etc. immediately, we were touched by what's given to us. (we're all visual creatures) however, why not have the image that flashes in your mind; how has he go about doing so? how was his effort? how did he do it? even for the simplest thing that he has done, say packing meals and etc; have you thought about the long queue/waiting time, how he has travel just to deliver it to you?

i'm not trying to ask you to weigh or calculate love for all that you've given.

love is about appreciating, isn't it? sometimes or often than not, when it has been there, always there; every little thing was forgotten/not seen. we don't often remember the good little things such as the aforementioned. so i hope those who are in love, sees this.

we probably remember those impactful ones, hurtful ones, BIG surprise one.

you know when do man start to feel tired about r/s? when he/she has given all, but least feel appreciated at the end of the day. energizing man to do things for you is easy, but you got to get your language right.

有人说你越恨就是越爱.

weird huh? sometimes we're so blinded by hatred which was cause by another party that we actually forget how much we do actually love them.

could you ever recall how the soul that was joined so fully as one? the trust, the bond, the TRUE love that was built over time.

mind you, no one enters the stage of TRUE love till about 3-4 years and more. And, you'll experience, "fall in love" with your partner again. only then, it'll be even more beautiful. only when more hurdles are crossed, differences are brushed, only then it'll evolve, yet still knowing how to appreciate one another. otherwise, the first 3 years are probably still on discovering process, where lust and passion are still burning HOT.

when you first truly love someone, it isn't about his/her looks, it isn't about his/her talents or capability. you fell in love with his/her flaws which looks so beautiful to you.

you don't nor can you love someone ALOT everyday. you love someone a little more each day, and you love him/her more or less on different days. you'll always think about him/her irregardless of where you are; your concern and curiosity about him/her despite time & place.

what has your mind deny you of, today?

the day your wife die, only then she's called yours.

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S will hate me for the next part. but i'll only reflect the truth about reality.

when you're in love, you feel butterflies in your stomach, but words play the part.

when you never thought that there's an ending, we forgot that passion dies.

i believe actions through time speaks louder than words and even beliefs.

today if a girl were to leave her BF for me, she will do so once again.

however, women do love men to sweet-talk them. only then they feel they are loved.

yet, at the end, they are the ones who will hurt you most. sad, but it's a fact.

today, you may think why am i not entering one? i know my time hasn't come, i've got 8 years long to chose or even more.

when you enter one r/s, it isn't about trial an error, it isn't about filling your void. it's when you know you will love and care for that someone despite health and wealth, this life-time.

somehow, i made pretty much good girlfriends whom i can often chat with.. be it phone/sms/msn. And i mean i do really take them as FRIENDS and no other intentions.

love is a natural occurrence process. don't have to find nor look for it.

time is still early. you'll have the best to come. =)

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爱情是撒旦送来的礼物

拆开之后

你的人生就陷入万劫不复

爱情是毒菜穿的糖衣

甜美的包装不是致命的危机

爱情是残酷的游戏

当你好不容易鼓起勇气

付出真心的时候

再一次让你陷入失望的绝境

真心是笑话
勇气是废话
坚持是鬼话
忠贞是梦话
幸福是屁话

一生一世的相恋或许只是出现在言情小说里面的情节...

have i satisfy your appetite?

basic military talk is on episode 4 now. mine is probably 6/7... still a long way before the video surfaces. =.=

单纯很难, 我当然都明白

我不懂

为什么真心换来的是谎言

付出换来的却是伤害

所以

我不再相信爱情

或许害怕付出自己的感情

我不相信世上有什么所谓的真爱

一生一世的相恋

只是出现在言情小说里面的情节

爱情只是一个短暂的游戏

它是撒旦送来的礼物

拆开之后你的人生就陷入万劫不复

当你好不容易鼓起勇气 付出真心的时候

再一次

让你陷入希望的绝境

如今每一段恋情的开始, 你是否想过结局会是怎样?

努力的把一切的我都遗忘

我留下的是美丽的瞬间...

我曾拥有的是最初的美好...

我喜欢,不我爱/Piano Version

我喜欢你的眼看着我的眼
我喜欢你的脸贴着我的脸

时间在改变 我不会改变
因为我很爱你 不想要你放弃 爱情
这种默契带来不易

我爱你真的是很爱你
说一声
把整个世界都给你~

truth & lies/ expectations vs habits.

somehow these few days, few or rather 2 women happen to "su ku" to me.

C was telling me over the phone how selfish she probably feel her boy is, probably to a point where the man say, he couldn't breathe. yet, she ain't restricting him from doing anything. i pondered about mine then...

"he didn't understand what love is", it's about compromising & accomodating.

so i thought about dates which i had, which probably mid-way... snapped and we got to leave the restaurant for some other purposes.

so she talks about her little family issues and linking to why can't the man understand.

man are no doubt childish to a certain extend in r/s. it's dependent on what ways and how. some may feel comfortable, doing a little childish things to probably make the r/s fun and doing this in inappropriate times probably irritates the women. some men can be childish as bringing up petty issues and quarrels.

let's not be sexist and take what a man should do or what a women should do. because, whatever that's done should be coming naturally from the heart. no expectations. we're all humans ain't we?

we have mood swings and that's what a r/s is for, to be there for one another. have you ever feel when you're single and when you have a mood swing, all that you could probably be moody towards to, is just yourself?

had a chat with a NSmen who's 27. heard stories about his life. so talking about his r/s... he was dumped and patched when he was serving his NS. no doubt was the lady who cheated though. he loses faith in r/s, thereafter going one after another. currently he has one for 3 years.

out of curiosity, i ask... have you ever been honest about your past?

he said, "no".

for the past 3 years, there wasn't any honesty. yet he said he regretted going on with so many flings just for the feeling of company. and he told me, sometimes your maturity comes later. and sometimes after sometime in life, then you start to regret some of the decisions you actually made.

i realized, sometimes i think too far. yet, probably some people don't.

sometimes i wonder, in your life, you're faced with putting on a mask daily. yet, when supposedly love is what you think about is innocent, you're actually blinded by the lies that lie behind.

so from the conversation, i made an observation in comparison to mine, or rather perhaps it's an common case...

your girl just finished her lessons, she expects you to pick her up.

he said he was tired, so he didn't say he was tired. he said that he's not free and needs to work overtime.

so we did conclude, if we were to say i'm tired... she'll take it as you're lazy to pick her up etc etc etc. at that moment, we just couldn't give that little love and understanding.

sometimes, expectations becomes a habit. and till the day when you gotta really lose that habit, your expectations became your desperation of wanting that habit back.

when we were all young and innocent, we know what we want. yet, as we grew older we forgot what we want.

sometimes, we do not have time to lose. we'll never know what's gonna happen the very next day if we never know how to cherish the one we love.

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anyway, i was informed by C that L had shown mindef lady on the episode i filmed. the comment given was, i was really good looking. =.=

i wonder if it's aunty who said that, because it's usually the aunties who comment about me.

i think the video gonna be up soon? till then, i guess i'll be expecting many critizism...

hot summer days.

we've complicate love ourselves?

we did, making rounds, making turns.

reality sets in over time and we forgot about the simplicity of hugs, kisses and love; someone whom you could connect with.

he wants simple, she wants simple. yet, we think in complexity in a different frequency.

sometimes, we're all waiting for the TIME.

sometimes, we do not know when the deadline will come.

OPPOSITE SEX.

thinking, words are always on a contradictory.

mind and heart ain't connecting. the sexes ain't connecting as well.

however, love isn't perfect. it's hurtful, it's everything you've got to risk.

it's cracked up into pieces, but yet you can always piece it back without realizing it.

today, what's with us?

i could decipher, i could guide others fairly well.

yet, i couldn't get mine right.

简单

finished "海派甜心".

其实爱可以很简单. 不是吗?

或许, 现实上是个不可能的梦.

anyway, i do not why i'm into drama recently. especially i didn't expect myself to watch 海派甜心 after 下一站, 幸福.

in the 1st place, i didn't like the image of Luo Zhi Xiang and the act cute Yang Chen Ling and the so called Taiwan idol drama. perhaps, out of curiosity... like why so many people are into the show？

then i realized, it's actually quite good.

the start was funny, subsequently there were quite a no. of touching scene at the back. short & sweet, total of 14 episode.

下一站, 幸福 not much like a common Taiwan idol series. many emotional scene, many good sentences to ponder about... but maybe a little draggy. and if you probably "chiong" one shot, you can get ready a few tissue box.

now became one of those whose addicted to the song "雨爱".

=.=

and every story has it's meaning.. i mean i do not know how to pen it all down at one shot about how i feel towards certain things which i've watched. perhaps when i come across again, then some cross referencing.

勇气

suppressed uncertainties

no doubt, it was all the jealousy.

no doubt, it was all the disappointments.

leading to mistrust, fear.

bursted.

i was just being myself.

if every woman needs to be respected, then...

every man has their pride.

baby, sorry.

当你爱一个人

你会担心
你会在乎
你会关心
你会因为他而烦
你会因为他而生气
你会因为他而伤心

只有他.

superb tired today. x.X

担心

mid way of "海派甜心". not bad, it's funny and a little touching. still, i think "下一站, 幸福" is better.

one of the episode got me recall the time when i was really worried, i kept calling but no one picked up. ended up, she was hospitalized due to accident. as i watch, i laughed to myself...

had some conversation with P. i guess i've became a r/s consultant.

many a times, as time pass by, we forgot how or what make us admire and appreciate our spouse very well. no doubt, the love hormones are kicking in place, and when you hit the sweetest part of your r/s, that's where the hormones are drained concurrently as well. when it ended or when you feel like ending it, you probably couldn't understand why you feel that way.

overtime, flaws get magnified and something which you probably start to feel irritated by. as said, everyone has to understand the evolution of a r/s, stagnancy is a natural process which you need to accept, and it requires consistent effort.

each r/s when you end, somehow or another you feel the regrets later and probably out of guilt for the promises which you once made and failed to fulfill. it's something which you probably can't hide.

a long term r/s is sth a couple should be proud of, because it's love through time.

yet, somehow i do not how to untie mine.

as i observe and listen,

其实初恋是最珍贵的. 因为他的开始是当我们的心最纯真的时刻. 尤其是他教了你如何去爱一个人.

有很多人往往进入了下一段感情的时候, 往往还是忘不了. 而选择了离开, 到了最后还是后了悔.



我爱听你对我唱着歌的声音
我爱在焰火下与你相吻的瞬间
我爱你与我吃最爱口味冰欺凌的感觉

当你每晚入眠时, 想起的会是他
当你一睡醒时, 想念在你床边的人会是他
在白天的时候偶尔也会想起.. 他.

其实一切都因为爱还存在...

busy.

cny has been pretty packed up this year. had been the "duty driver" for my family the past few days, rushing from places to places. it's indeed very tiring. each day i'm home abt 3-4am, and waking up at 9 plus 10, dozing off at relative's place from time to time.

cny brief.

rental was made the very last min. and shockingly, i got a manual car. i cursed and swear to my buddy, because it was so last minute then i knew that it was manual. nevertheless, i've got to make do with it and adapt to changes.

the start got my palms all sweaty. engine got stalled at traffic lights like 2-3 times, reverse gear can't be pulled in because there's this gear 6, and you got to lift up the safety catch to go into reverse. all these happened on my way home.

so i practiced a few rounds down my block and get myself familiarize. later in the evening after reunion dinner, sent grandpa and aunty home successfully without any issues.

now i'm HOOKED to driving manual if i'm NOT tired & NO jams. it's NOT fun holding to half clutch during jams.

anyway had quite a bit of black jack fun at JK's house on CNY 1st day, all the way at CCK till late. i had like 5-6x blackjack. i was even interviewed by JK's mum and aunties. =.=... like they seriously need a son-in-law or sth. they even questioned JK why never introduce me to her sister who's like 22 going 23. n yea, JK is my man, younger than me, 18/19 i think.

2nd day rushed through the visiting, and some walking with family. therefore celebrate J's bday at K with the rest. played blackjack as well, but lost this time.

3rd day, which is today. had some fun with texas poker and a little blackjack. got me recovered abit. phew. and now, just came back from some chill out. in 4 hrs time, i'll be in for work then. seems like the highlights are gambling.

shagged.

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the fall.

P asked me, if she had a fall how would you response?

i replied, "i would ask how she had her fall? where she injured herself? and how serious is it? after meeting her, i would ask how or take a look at how it was, help her rub, or give a kiss on her wounds."

she replied, "i got nothing out of all these. only dots from his text message. and he took sometime to actually ask me how it was after the dots"

she told me she felt very disappointed.

and i wonder if i can been too caring? O.o

and so i told her, don't compare me to your partner. i mean, if you compare, all you face would all be disappointments. so why disappoint yourself?

i mean if you love somebody, you would lover his/her everything. actually, it's irregardless of how he/she treats you.

and on his part, he's probably looking at his wild cards. does this mean this r/s is facing a danger? probably since it has been 2-3 years. passion seems to be diminishing. and yeah, a guy could probably love a lady for 3-4 years at max.

what happens if he still loves you after that time frame? does that exceed the meaning of true love?

it seems like it's always the case where, the more you love, the more he/she will leave. the harder he/she is able to get, the more you love. when you got ditched, you probably dying to have him/her back. when the dying part stops, then probably out of the blue, he/she wants you back.

don't judge how much you can love somebody. the amt of love holds no boundaries. don't weigh love with reality, you'll never be able to feel it. love can't be kept consistent, amt is undefined at everyday, every part of your life.

it's just about, as long as you still love him/her and you hope to have him/her in you life , walking the journey isn't it?

why complicate the word L-O-V-E?



i don't know what's holding me back.

maybe, i'm afraid.

contradictions vs fire/ appreciation.

sometimes, women are seriously very contradicting as of i observe verses some personal past experiences.

as a guy...

when you plan, they may find that everything is pre-planned.

when you don't plan, they find you not putting any effort, boring, no longer interested, and probably tired of the r/s as they assume.

when you didn't say she changed..

she said: you say i've changed what..

in the first place, they probably tell you "i'm already gone", doesn't that imply that the old you, or the one you knew has gone?

end up, i probably have to say something understanding, to feel for her... "i know you didn't, you're hurt, you're disappointed, you didn't meant to say anything as such.." and they probably start sobbing.

of course, i mean it, and not just trying to make her feel better by lying.

sometimes... man just keep guessing, guessing.

perhaps, we no longer could feel those feelings we could where someone could make our blood rush when we see him/her. probably because our hormones has changed as we grow older.

probably we're no longer seeing love, because we're weighing so much of reality (family, financially, status, values etc etc) with love.

so how can true love be felt?

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appreciation.

i'm not flirting. and i didn't.

so C said i'm damn funny. i don't know if she does mean it, but she say she do.

and i don't know how i did manage to make her kept saying i'm damn funny.

maybe i sounded stupid? =X

so as i replied,

i thought i was a boring guy since the day she probably chose to leave.

so yeah, she said i wasn't. and she never thought of me as an uninteresting guy.

so as i mention a little about the past,

i'm claimed to be sweet.

i thought i probably didn't put enough effort through the years.

after some conversing, she said i could still remember so clearly.

of course, everything is as still vivid.

i guess i've done enough, with a sincere heart through the years.

no matter how busy i was, i always manage to fork out time to do the many things i could.

be it sending french toast, be it washing the whole car all by myself, be it tidying the drawers or cupboards, surprise flowers/chocolates, the TLC i gave when it comes to being sick, the dedication of song when a liveband is performing, be it the many help i could give to the family or the one i truly love, be it the many sweet things i could have done with my heart or think of at that point of time (of course i'm better filled with even more ideas now). and it was despite work which starts as early as in the early morning like 7am to school, doing these in the noon or in between hours before going for tuition sessions.

at the end, this r/s is considered as not worth to stick to, as claimed by others. or actually, "there are many better guys out there".

yeah, i'm not any one of the better ones. perhaps, i've never been good enough.

probably even lazy as insulted before.

isn't it?

sometimes i seriously do feel i did enough.

i've tried hard enough to be an all rounder, doing whatever i could.

carry on recalling the things you felt i've not done. or even hide.

no one is perfect, but i've always tried to be.

i may not have the wealth, but a heart.

i know you have too, hence...

that's why i love you.

but

i don't deserve this.

sweet.

thank you L for your appreciation and comment on my previous post.

anyway, lecture was successfully conducted with some sweat at MPH.

fun.

my voice can be loud still, yet the stamina for lasting seem to be lost.

probably i've spoiled it last time.

somehow every work of mine, end up in some teaching/guiding roles be it in school, temp jobs or whatever work i'm dealing with.

probably except when i was previously in MNC aviation co., it somehow utilized the creative part of me and my com skills.

anyway, while i was at starbucks just now, there was a couple celebrating their v'day in advance.

sweet.

initially, i caught a glance of the man opening the present. out of curiosity, i look further in detail (aka KPO), then it was a nicely done up love diary done up by the lady. bet they've been together a couple of years. so every page were filled with lovely photos and short notes.

the lady tear-ed a little. probably felt the effort she put in, and seeing the appreciation from her bf (looking at it in detail).

love can be simple isn't it? simply at starbucks, exchange of gift to celebrate their love, their journey.

love is about each other, it should be irregardless of reality. don't weigh reality with love. then, you're living superficially.

fire can be difficult to keep up if the other party ain't adding any oil.

ultimately, for a r/s to work, both parties has to be ready to commit for a life time.

it's never about being tired, it's never about giving up.

because biologically we're not built to last.

but we can learn through valuing & appreciating.

it's about learning to give and take, learning to celebrate the journey, it's about standing by, be it the good or bad times, being supportive, it's about the care, concern and love you can give despite illness or wealth.

有时候的我是不是太在乎...

反而,望了自己...

leaping.

darn. i've got to conduct medical "lecture" tomorrow, as corrected by S while talking to her.

thanks thanks. thank you for being there, giving me support, hearing me.

i really appreciate. =)

just realized i'm conducting for 256 recruits，which is more than my course of 120 people in chem eng.

i was still happily preparing my lesson plan and notes for the 256 of them (mass production) which i think it had never happened before.

kinda get my palms sweaty already at the thought of it.

GODDDDDDDD... so long never do such a thing.

seems like the whole training institute is recognizing me as the senior medic. hopefully, this way, i could get & fight for m,y promotion. my resume will look nicer as well.

recent indent was quite screwed as information wasn't passed down to me.

everyone is begging for my cooperation literally. because i don't accept last minute indent. my man will suffer & me as well... so i don't really like to entertain them.

high key till end of march. x.x

got a no. of personal thanks and appreciation from the instructors/officers today.

feels good.

anyway, got permission that i can whack them at the MPH tomorrow.

anyway, got to hear a bad news about one of my buddy.

sad.

shan't elaborate. but the issue is being unfaithful, not the BGR kind.

sometimes i do wonder if people do value the ones whom they actually had spent most of their time or part of their life with somebody or a family. whereby, he/she could actually standby you, be it the good or bad times together with the family.

or has that been taken for granted?

still looking the that initial rush of "in love" hormones which you would like to feel? if one never understand the evolution of a long term r/s, then i guess every r/s will never seem to work out. then, the love which you probably ended up with, is by chance, timing where it's time to get married, divorce probably happen 20 years later as well.

true love is where when you're so old and wrinkled, you still want to hold her hands.

"living together is like best friends" & only till the last breathe, she is then considered your wife who has walked the journey with you.

true isn't it? because in between, you may just get divorce as well.

no wonder some people have flings and etc.

isn't that a way to cheapen their self proclaim values of love?

yeah, say that i'm conservative.

i'm not liberal.

value & appreciate, time & people.

19站

我的在乎, 或许就这样...

被遗忘了.

surge of anger.

i can't sleep.

hence, i'm here, to vent.

right now, i probably have this feeling of taken for granted.

i know it's not right to think that way, it'll probably be against you.

i shan't elaborate.

recall to your best memories.

so do you weigh love with reality (i.e. financial issues, family etc etc)?

today, you may have everything given to you.

you can be gracious.

but at the start, when you had NOTHING, who was there when you needed someone the most?

who was gracious then?

don't always say like i've done nothing, when you only remember/recall what's not done.

i may not be the best, no doubt i did gave my best in ways i could.

humans are forgetful, are we?

i hate this feeling.

you know?

spare a thought, be fair to me.



at the end of the day, your choice of who you wanna walk with till the end.

someone, somebody, be it health or wealth.

i'm so NOT the one. isn't it?

i'm SOOOO INCAPABLE in taking care of someone, somebody.

you see knife piercing through over and over?

it is.



God, you there?

death.

every post seems so long. and i'm just bragging to myself. hah. anyway...

send 2 REC to the A&E. being a nice sgt, i guess i'm being too friendly? but i still wanna draw some line that they are the REC. in fact, 1 of them is older than me, and the other was the same age. but, i didn't disclose mine.

sound sad, but got to know about this story from this REC who's older than me. he is currently attached thou for 3.5 years? and he said this was his 2nd longest r/s. so out of curiosity, i asked him...

"so how long was your longest?"

"4 years."

"what happen?"

"she passed on in a car accident, by a hit and run driver."

sad. how young she was and yet, died just like that. he took 2-3 years to grief the loss of his love.

so it brought me back on 2012 which i watched yesterday again, the second time.

so the couple which divorced, and later the other (women) moved on to getting married to another... yet, when near death love still came back to the ex husband. or rather is it because it has always been there, but it was never realized and taken for granted?

only when crisis is faced, only then you realize that the person who's always there to go through them with you is missing?

sometimes, instead of feeling taken for granted, why not feel appreciated? because actually people do appreciate, but they often do not talk it out? people are too embrassed to voice appreciation? it's just like, "is the cup empty, or half filled?"

yet, again here, am i finding reasons for myself to feel better?

perhaps, i regard it as a conceptual of mind.

if your suspicions or assumptions gave you reasons to be against the person, then there's definitely hypothesis which you can draw out to actually defend that person and make yourself feel better isn't it?

in the first place, it no assumptions or suspicions were made, you wouldn't need to do the latter.

grandma asked me, "will you cry for me if i die oneday?" back then, i didn't know how to answer. but i said sth like i think i will? because you never thought that you would or could imagine the loss of someone. but when that day came, and i cried badly.

i could still remember for that moment, i wanted to run out of the hospital A&E, non-stop. i couldn't, so i hit the wall of the griefing room very hard, pounding it.

she could have been saved. yet, emergency call was made late, paramedic came late as well.

perhaps, this was a reason why i had became a medic.

perhaps, god heard my cries. "how could.. how could..."

now, at least i know i wouldn't let such a thing happen again to my family or my dearest ones, as long as they are within my reach.

i probably will be stunt, but i wouldn't panick. and i would do the necessary as i could, because time is important. panicking doesn't help. and before i ORD, i'll definitely prepare a rescue set at home. at least, an OPA.

i could still remember back then the playful me, when i wanted to break up, she was the one who taught me how could i treat a girl like that.

then, i learnt how to take care of someone, and overtime, learning to respect, letting go of my pride and ego for r/s; for someone, i love.

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anyway, 2 sets of articles i came across on r/s...

"Can you remember those first few months, when separation from her or him was pure torture? Where there were not two bodies but only a single body with four arms and four legs - no separation of thought, emotion or feelings? You and your partner were truly one.

What caused that! It didn't come from thinking or planning. It came from out of the blue. And not only that, it was so strong that it completely floored you. And right away, perhaps you made the mistake of saying the "you" were in love.

"We" are never in love; love just happens. It comes on it's own and when the time is right, it goes away on its own regardless of how we feel about it. By then, however, commitments are made, social and religious mores are mechanically set into motion, and regardless of how restricted we may feel, or dependent, or attached, or all of the other feelings that arise when the initial intense love feeling goes away - we are stuck.

The arrival of the first child usually wipes out any romantic notions, if they hadn't been crunched already. (Please remember that I am talking about the incredible, impossible to maintain feeling of romantic love, not the mature, almost business-like arrangements of a mature relationship based on mutual trust and compassion for the other person, along with the responsibility of raising children). But the romantic love, at least the way it was first felt, will never come back in exactly the same way.

Some people, understanding this, go from partner to partner never making any commitments because they know that the initial rush of a love affair will die quickly. And when it does, they can then go and find another. Of course, the problem is that like mainstreaming heroin, it takes more and more for less and less, and pretty soon the senses become desensitized and romantic love dies for good regardless of how creative we are in attempting to dredge it back up.

Either way - getting involved in a lifetime commitment based on an initial rush of love, or playing love until it is exhausted - we must eventually settle for second best regarding that tremendous, exhilarating feeling of freedom that maybe once in our lifetime we experienced - that feeling called unconditional love where we would sacrifice our lives, maybe even kill for our beloved. It's hard to fathom that in time, that feeling might change to where we want to kill our beloved!

And this now brings us to the point of discussing feelings.

Feelings come and go, just as thoughts and emotions come and go. When we act on a thought, emotion or feeling, we are responsible for all that washes over us because of that reaction. And usually the aftermath of acting on a strong emotion or feeling is tenfold more disturbing than the initial feeling of exuberance - or anger. There is nothing wrong with the feelings; they just happen. it is what we do with them that matters deeply.

Nature's provision of temporary insanity between lovers insures procreation of the species. However, lovers don't understand this, and when that first moment of boredom comes up in their romantic relationship, rather than accept the fact that the love dream is ending, what do lovers do? They plan out their future! This allays the boredom and allows them to pretend that their feelings of love can continue. This is the first step of delusion. This is where thought takes the place of the real, initial feeling of love, and where a huge displacement of reality takes place.

Then, the relationship, if it continues, becomes more or less a dependency in order to fill a void or hole in each other - all justified by social and religious mores. The couple, still dazed from their initial feelings of freedom, which is love, now buy into the whole scenario of social responsibility. And the divorce rate continues at about fifty percent!

Admitting that a mature relationship has nothing to do with romantic love, and everything to do with mutual dependency (taking care of each other's needs), goes a long way in cementing a long term relationship. So the next time you are about to tell your partner that you love them, simply say instead that, "I depend on you to fill a void in myself, therefore I love myself more than you!" Well, it's true isn't it? If you say no, then you might be in a serious state of denial or delusion!

So, what then is the most important thing in a romantic relationship?

The most important thing in a romantic relationship is understanding how our minds and emotions work. Understanding that all things change. And understanding that whatever we do based on feelings, emotions and, yes, even thought, will more often than not eventually come back around to bite us. But how can we live without feelings, emotions and thought?

Living beyond knee-jerk reactions brought on feelings, emotions, and thoughts is possible; it's called living by insight and wisdom.

And these two, insight and wisdom, are the doors to real, never-ending, unconditional love."

"Many women struggle to understand why their last relationship has failed or how to get back on track in their current one. Too many times we just say that we must have picked the wrong person or we just can not get along with anyone. Many women forget that we have the ability with in ourselves to either make a good decision or a bad one. Of course, women want to make the best decisions all the time. Unfortunately this is not always the case. If you really want to understand why you can't make a relationship work or you are committed to making your current one last, you need to give 100% of yourself to the effort of improving your relationships. You need to be willing to look at not your partner but with in your own self to see what you need to work on.

You need to learn to be much disciplined in regards to yourself. Regardless of your hectic day or how well you slept last night you must constantly be aware of the manner in which you're speaking to your partner. This can be the actual words you say, your tone or your pattern of speech. You need to remember that unprovoked harsh or rude speech is never okay and you have no excuse. You need to not let your anger or annoyance at outside situations bleed into your relationship and cause you to unleash on your partner. While is it part of your partner's responsibility to be your friend and sounding board through tough times, they should never be your emotional punching bag.

Your ego must always come in a distant second to the importance of your relationship. Those couples who have long with standing relationships have let their egos completely go. Many women just like to say that they are stubborn, like it or not. Unfortunately most of the time you will have a partner that chooses the latter. Really what they are being is selfish and inflexible which will only lead to a lonely life. This attitude will turn people away and is the cause of a great deal of issues that happen with in relationships.

Being committed to your own growth as a person can only enhance the quality of your relationship you must know yourself before you can let anyone else really know you. This is done through a constant process of questioning, learning and discovering. Not only about relationships but about how to properly communicate with your partner. You need to be able to really tap into what your partner is feeling instead of being so focused on what is going on your own mind. This will lead to a deep respect for each other that will help in those times when you do disagree. It will enable to work out your differences in a calm, controlled way.

Basically to be able to make a relationship last for the long haul you and your partner need to be a team. Teams stick together until the end of the game and always have their eye on the finish line. The masters of relationships know that it is a continuous process and takes constant work."

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if love happen by chance,

then maintaining needs some work.

giving up, isn't a choice nor a decision.

choice of methods in making it work, should be the way.



sometimes, i have my fear.

这幸福的碎片, 有时候我真的还不知道该怎么捡...

会不会有那么一天, 你会再陪我捡...

HATE.

i hate people who bullshit about perspectives.

i do hate people doing things behind my back. who doesn't?

but my tummy can be very big in eating bullets.

looking at a different perspective, putting my emotions in their shoes, be self-less.

drop all assumptions & expectations.

show a little more understanding and acceptance.

like what i told my man today?

i seem to manage work issues and r/s fairly well and gave 100% understanding and acceptance. but why not love? it's because i'm more rational and logical when it boils down to work? because i see work as a challenge/problem to solve and not something personal?

for the next few paragraphs, i regard it as an emotional perspective.

vent vent...

no doubt i hate this feeling every now and then. but each time, i find reasons for love, to defend, to give myself more breathing space.

people who doesn't know me well probably thinks that i'm always, or look confident. confidence? i don't have it all the time. i have my fears to a certain extend, and i believe everyone has that, but they don't voice it?

everytime, i feel being hammer down by comments or as what i see. i push myself up again, and to carry on what i hope i could achieve or make it at the end.

in different aspect, being selfish, we feel we did a lot, our expectations grew further, we start to feel unappreciated and to some point, taken for granted.

at one perspective, we may see ONLY what he/she has done, but the other party may not see it and vice versa. we think that it's ONLY what, then... what happens if he/she could do it prolong despite time out of his/her heart or passion?

and i hate those whom try to influence or should it in proper terms; "bullshit perspective", where they themselves actually failed many times without actually working on it, or at least as they claim they believe.

making themselves cheap in their self proclaim values.

sorry that i'm so.. crude.

just... venting.

at least i'm being truthful here. unlike the way people try to put across in hidden feelings.

am i too frank in this post?

100% no reservation.

sorry if i made anyone feel guilty conscious. it's not for you to feel that way, but to reflect.

don't take my honesty/truthfulness for granted as well, cause i believe no one has that courage.

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"a moment of truth" as i watched recently, an U.S game show. For 500K, will you reveal the truth about your thoughts/dirty/kinky/ sorry things you did before behind your wife's back or your unrevealed past which you think you shouldn't have said and just get married?

simple as it seems, but contestant struggles to speak.

this would probably make your r/s or your family flip totally! and the detector is just in your hands, analyzing you.

so you see married man whom they did the many sad and sorry things behind their wife's back.

yet, years back... "oh, i was so madly deeply in love with him... he's so truthful... i'm gonna marry him!" CHOP! you're so cheated.

"my lies passed with distinction." =.=.. man are bastards isn't it? but that's what probably made women love them more?

ironic. when you're in here, you feel this way. when you're out, you feel the other.

hence, know where your contentment lies clearly.

for money or for love?

to sustain love, you hide, you chose to keep.

for money, you chose to make the love you sustain, cry or even tear.

why can't people be truthful at the start?

any reasons for the choice you made?

r/s when it hit about an average of 7 years, it means boredom to people.

it's also termed "the 7-year itch". & a man could sustain his passion for someone he love, 3-4 years. hence, i guess not many man could actually love a person that long?

till now, i'm still ask myself why, and why couldn't it be stopped.

i could find a thousand reasons why i hate you. yet, i couldn't find any reason in loving you. is that why?

damn. myself.

meeting agenda.

after much meeting with dad, the path which i wanna take is more or less settled.

after much discussion and analysis of financial issues, overseas to UQ is out.

estimated of 100k for 2 years could probably buy me a car then.

hence, i guess taking a part time degree/degree in nus would be the choice.

in 3.5 years of studies, if i manage to clinch a good paying job, and taking a part time degree in my field of specialization, then i guess working at the same time, & gaining of work experience would be beneficial.

as i look over job opening recently, a dip. holder working as a sales engineer would get probably abt 2.7K? i guess in my industry, at least i could get about 2K since i've finished my NS? shipping companies are paying pretty much as well, and there are various openings for that.

afterall my experience at HR, it's work experience that counts. a degree is basic, and it shouldn't be a lousy degree.

by the end of 3.5 years, my pay would estimated to be the same or even more than the starting pay of a full time grad who just started working?

if tuition is squeezable into my daily schedule, i guess it shouldn't be much of a problem.

then travelling schedules would be pretty hectic then. and dad has agreed to support me a car to reduce time for travelling then. hence, squeezing tuition in would pretty much cover up my monthly expenses like petrol, parking and etc which i've got to pay for myself. and that's provided if my perm job pay is lousy.

and the cost of my degree inclusive of car, would definitely cost less than 100k? very soon, i guess mum would be working full-time, bro will be going army.

and let's hope my sis would be going to JC, and expenses would be even much lesser in the coming 3 years, at least till i finish my degree. her grades has been like 5-6As out of 8 subjects.

edu funds are also up next year, and can be withdrawn very soon. financially studying in singapore would be less stressful for my family as well.

students whom i use to teach 2 years back before i enlist, are now secondary 3/4. some NA are gonna be sec 5, and recently i'm in contact with them again. hopefully, they would need some guidiance for their BIG exams in the next 2 years and will look for me.

tuition for me will limit to sec 3 to sec 5. and i guess i should start trying to teach pure physics and chem, since i'm already a chem eng poly grad. these levels are much easier to teach, and i'm able to communicate and touch their hearts better.

and if i'm still jobless after ORD, i should tentatively go back to secondary school to teach and know more students while looking for a job. of course, as of now, it's time to be busy with updating of resume, sending resume for potential job openings, getting of testimonials from my doctors, and sending of university application in the coming 2 months.

i guess part time in b.tech NUS (chem eng) shouldn't be a problem? most of my course mates manage to get it. and thank god that i chose a versatile course to further in various industry, be it sciences, engineering or business.

this course in nus is pretty good, which i consider it a stepping stone to get my masters. meanwhile, freelance/short/mid/long term investment will always be on a lookout for.

after my degree, i would bang around in the industry for some years before i probably (get married or not), get my masters (before or after marriage), and bang around again to see if i'm able to climb the cooperate ladder and make it BIG then.

by 30s, if nothing seems to get any better/stress level is too BIG or when i no longer wish to take on high stress level, then.. i'll go to some polytechnic and be lecturer. hence, a masters is a need for teaching in tertiary level... (and it doesn't matter if i get it before or after i got married).

teaching has been my passion anyway.

so what risk am i taking in my life? a route which probably i may not waste too much time, and not be fully into investments as well. because i'll always bare in mind the level of risk on a full time scale basis. as long as earnings are sufficient, some investments are made, then, financial worries shouldn't exist.

and hopefully when i'm in my late 30s, i'll be then able to share some business with a friend which i can call it my own.

a nice condo, a car or 2 should be achieveable.

life seems to be getting shorter.

soon, we'll be hitting our 30s.

so i guess the path is set.

what a long break i had theese almost 1 year 10 months.

since 17, i hadn't had a break eh?

6 more months to get everything started, to get life as busy as what i use to have before i was enlist. still remember i had school/work in the day, afternoon tuition/night tuition, sending french toast during/meet lunch, picking up later after work.

sweet? lovely? busy?

i say, blissful.

humans are not built to sustain in long term relationship due to our hormones. starting a new r/s may be fresh and hormones enhancing, but how long does it last?

some people could give up their 4-5 years r/s and regret later, yet probably trying to find someone who's replaceable after sometime. they lose faith, so they begin having one short r/s one after another.

worthiness can only determined by both of us.

to me, i know this story is worth continuing because..

if it's determined as unworthy, not worth holding onto, then i guess many do not understand that a r/s is about trying non stop, giving chances and opportunities. a cracked up r/s which has been through storms over time should be something we're proud of.

i probably could find a thousand reason why i hate you, but i couldn't find any reason why i still love you, despite the number of years and i guess i've never failed to do the sweet little things i could/should? and i've never treat it as i could or i should, it's always out of my heart.

have i truly failed?

but if we're able to go through so much in life, be it the good and bad, be it the happiness and sorrows, it means something isn't it?

recently as i watched ren ci's charity, i see old couples taking care of one another, despite illness or wealth.

爱是那份包容,
爱是那份坚持...

当你认定了她是你最后的目标的时候, 想陪着她一起努力, 她却选择了离开...

想陪着你, 一起努力的你, 又去了那里?

时间过了那么久,

你给了机会吗?

记得

while sorting out files,

正好当我感觉心灰意冷时, 我的信念再次勇敢的坚持了下来.

眼泪也不知不觉的流了下来

memories too much isn't it? from new year, chinese new year, x'mas, v'day, birthdays, graduations, outings, dates, funerals, performances, hospital trips, overseas trips, every single part of good and bad times of life... are they suppose to be named "thick & thin"?



过去你哭红了眼眶, 告诉我, 你受了伤.

从此, 我第一次想好好珍惜一个人, 第一次想为了她; 让自己变的更好, 因为我相信这世界还没有太烂, 我可以陪着她一起努力, 不让任何人再伤害她.

因为她受伤太久了.

荣华富贵, 我或许没有.

但简单的幸福与真心是我能够给的

也是我曾给你的承诺.

想陪你一起努力

你会愿意吗?

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当你累的时候, 会想起了谁?

当你入睡前, 你又会想起了谁?

不说是因为害怕, 而心里的最深处, 会是那心跳, 对你说: "..好想.. 好想..".

好想的是那份依赖...

那熟悉的双手替你按摩
那熟悉的脸孔可发牢骚
那熟悉的味道在你身边

抱着你睡着...

如今的你在害怕的是什么?

能不能别想太多.

我可以, 陪着你走.